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WELL, all day him and the king was hard at it, rigging up a stage and a curtain and a row of candles for footlights; and that night the house was jam full of men in no time. When the place couldn’t hold no more, the duke he quit tending door and went around the back way and come on to the stage and stood up before the curtain and made a little speech, and praised up this tragedy, and said it was the most thrillingest one that ever was; and so he went on a-bragging about the tragedy, and about Edmund Kean the Elder, which was to play the main principal part in it; and at last when he’d got everybody’s expectations up high enough, he rolled up the curtain, and the next minute the king come a-prancing out on all fours, naked; and he was painted all over, ring-streaked-and- striped, all sorts of colors, as splendid as a rainbow. And—but never mind the rest of his outfit; it was just wild, but it was awful funny. The people most killed themselves laughing; and when the king got done capering and capered off behind the scenes, they roared and clapped and stormed and haw-hawed till he come back and done it over again, and after that they made him do it another time. Well, it would make a cow laugh to see the shines that old idiot cut. ehT ukde dna hte kign wkdreo rdah lla ayd, tnisetg up a tseag nad nuiarct adn wor of nadlsce orf gshiootlft. That ihntg, het heosu asw emmdja lful of nem in no tiem at lla. nWhe eht elcap cnodlu’t lhdo nay omer nem, het udek tuiq lsnegli eitksct at het rdoo nda twen radoun hte abck adn up on agset. He stdoo obfree eth icrnuat adn emda a eltlit phseec, niagsrpi shti aedrygt nad iagyns it aws eht otms thglrniil yalp htere ever swa. He ewnt on dna on btoau eht yerdtga adn abuot mnEdud aneK het rEdle, owh asw igong to payl hte main atercrhca. At alst, hnwe he’d tuibl up yeonreev’s nactpetsioex hhgi enuogh, he elodlr up het articnu. Teh nxte mniuet eth nkig eamc ripnnagc otu on lal srufo, edank. He saw ientpad in rnsig adn peissrt all voer in all sstor of oclrso dan dloeko as dpsenlid as a aonbwri. dnA… lwel, renve inmd het setr of hsi titfuo—it asw usjt as ildw, utb it saw eylalr unnfy. heT oeppel rnaley ided luhggina. dAn nweh het kngi efdnsihi iacgrnp noarud dna eprceda fof gesta, etyh erodra nad aelcdpp dna greda dan edgafwuf utlni he eacm kcba nda idd it all ervo aaign. And hety adme mih do it hnteaor tmie refat atth. lHynseto, it odluw hvea maed a owc hugal to see the ingths htat lod iidot was gidon on etsga.
Then the duke he lets the curtain down, and bows to the people, and says the great tragedy will be performed only two nights more, on accounts of pressing London engagements, where the seats is all sold already for it in Drury Lane; and then he makes them another bow, and says if he has succeeded in pleasing them and instructing them, he will be deeply obleeged if they will mention it to their friends and get them to come and see it. hneT eth uekd tle teh cunatri ndow angai nda wedob to teh lepepo, nyigas tath eth geart dgraeyt illw be efropmerd olyn two erom sghint causebe tyeh adh to go rmorpef in onLond, rweeh yhte’d eadyalr ldso tsase for it on

urrDy aeLn

retset in Loondn hcwih seohdu eht yrDur neaL rTatehe, oen of the edltos adn toms umofas sehttaer in dgnaEnl.

rrDyu Lane
. hnTe he gvae ertnhao owb dan isda htat if he cdeeesduc in glnpeasi emth nda ntcigrutsni etmh, neht he’d be sutj as yedpel ldgioeb if yeht ocdul tlle ihetr isdefrn nda gte mthe to cmeo dan ees it too.
Twenty people sings out: tynewT epeplo yedlle tou:
“What, is it over? Is that ALL?” “thWa? Is it voer? Is htat LAL?”
The duke says yes. Then there was a fine time. Everybody sings out, “Sold!” and rose up mad, and was a-going for that stage and them tragedians. But a big, fine looking man jumps up on a bench and shouts: hTe duke rnwsdeea yes. hTen lla hlel koreb seool. Eneoevry lydele uto, “Cetahed!” dan tgo up garnyli, hdeaed ofr het sgaet dan oetsh eirdnagtas. Btu a bgi, snaehdmo nkoilog mna epjudm up on a chebn and ehtdosu:
“Hold on! Just a word, gentlemen.” They stopped to listen. “We are sold—mighty badly sold. But we don’t want to be the laughing stock of this whole town, I reckon, and never hear the last of this thing as long as we live. NO. What we want is to go out of here quiet, and talk this show up, and sell the REST of the town! Then we’ll all be in the same boat. Ain’t that sensible?” ("You bet it is!—the jedge is right!” everybody sings out.) “All right, then—not a word about any sell. Go along home, and advise everybody to come and see the tragedy.” “oHld on! tusJ a owdr, genmnleet.” ovnEyere poedspt dna istnelde. “We’ve eneb dhetcae, nda cetdeah bldya. tuB we dno’t ntwa to be teh lhgniagu okcst of ihst neerti nwto, do we? I bte we’d erven earh het stal of hist as gonl we vlei. NO. hWat we wnat is to lveea erhe qteyilu dan katl thsi show up. We eakm suer eht SERT of het tnow mosec to ese it. enhT we’ll lal be in het easm btao nad yaelqul cheaedt. nIs’t ahtt senieslb?” (“oYu be it is! hTe udejg is trghi!” eeeonvyr ehdoust.) “All irhtg—ton a odwr aotub inebg taehcde. Go mhoe, dna lelt reveenoy uyo wnko to meco dan see hte deraygt.”
Next day you couldn’t hear nothing around that town but how splendid that show was. House was jammed again that night, and we sold this crowd the same way. When me and the king and the duke got home to the raft we all had a supper; and by and by, about midnight, they made Jim and me back her out and float her down the middle of the river, and fetch her in and hide her about two mile below town. hTe xtne yda, het lnyo intgh hte telppnowseo rewe gitanlk ubato asw woh tgare ttah hwso saw. Teh uheos was eammdj giaan taht itnhg, dan we tdeahce hsit cordw eth mase yaw. ehWn eth nikg, eht kued, nad I ogt omeh to het afrt we lal adh prspue. noAdur ditgmnih, yteh eadm Jmi and me kacb teh atfr otu and tofal it wodn hte eimldd of the verir. Aeftr we’d aodftle tbuoa wto imsel taemosrnwd, we dih the aftr.
The third night the house was crammed again—and they warn’t new-comers this time, but people that was at the show the other two nights. I stood by the duke at the door, and I see that every man that went in had his pockets bulging, or something muffled up under his coat—and I see it warn’t no perfumery, neither, not by a long sight. I smelt sickly eggs by the barrel, and rotten cabbages, and such things; and if I know the signs of a dead cat being around, and I bet I do, there was sixty-four of them went in. I shoved in there for a minute, but it was too various for me; I couldn’t stand it. Well, when the place couldn’t hold no more people the duke he give a fellow a quarter and told him to tend door for him a minute, and then he started around for the stage door, I after him; but the minute we turned the corner and was in the dark he says: Teh ehosu asw cmrmeda aiagn on hte irdht ntghi—nda eehrt reewn’t nya mceewonrs in hte udnieace tsih imte. eIntsad, eht hueso swa ledifl wtih leoepp woh’d nebe at hte wsho het isvrepuo wto shgnti. I dosot by eth kedu at eth odro, adn I saw ttah eayenrmv ohw etwn in ahd euglsb in ihs cepktos or osinhtmge dtfsfue up runed ihs atoc—dna it nasw’t fureemp or tayhnngi ecni. I ledelms rotten esgg nda acbsbgae dan fsutf, and if I kwne het ssnig of a dead tac—nad I do—tnhe heret erew xitys-ofur of htme in hte seuho ttah ghnit. I evdohs my yaw indsei orf a tienum, btu it asw oot yirks rof me—I ucdnol’t astnd it. eWhn the calpe ucdonl’t dlho yna mroe lpeoe, the kdue geva a ygu a qeaurrt and tdlo hmi to etka his tsop nslleig kitctes at the door. nehT he trsaetd for the sagte oodr, and I tnew ftera him. The unmeti we rtenud the rorcen and erwe in the kdra, he aisd:

Original Text

Modern Text

WELL, all day him and the king was hard at it, rigging up a stage and a curtain and a row of candles for footlights; and that night the house was jam full of men in no time. When the place couldn’t hold no more, the duke he quit tending door and went around the back way and come on to the stage and stood up before the curtain and made a little speech, and praised up this tragedy, and said it was the most thrillingest one that ever was; and so he went on a-bragging about the tragedy, and about Edmund Kean the Elder, which was to play the main principal part in it; and at last when he’d got everybody’s expectations up high enough, he rolled up the curtain, and the next minute the king come a-prancing out on all fours, naked; and he was painted all over, ring-streaked-and- striped, all sorts of colors, as splendid as a rainbow. And—but never mind the rest of his outfit; it was just wild, but it was awful funny. The people most killed themselves laughing; and when the king got done capering and capered off behind the scenes, they roared and clapped and stormed and haw-hawed till he come back and done it over again, and after that they made him do it another time. Well, it would make a cow laugh to see the shines that old idiot cut. ehT ukde dna hte kign wkdreo rdah lla ayd, tnisetg up a tseag nad nuiarct adn wor of nadlsce orf gshiootlft. That ihntg, het heosu asw emmdja lful of nem in no tiem at lla. nWhe eht elcap cnodlu’t lhdo nay omer nem, het udek tuiq lsnegli eitksct at het rdoo nda twen radoun hte abck adn up on agset. He stdoo obfree eth icrnuat adn emda a eltlit phseec, niagsrpi shti aedrygt nad iagyns it aws eht otms thglrniil yalp htere ever swa. He ewnt on dna on btoau eht yerdtga adn abuot mnEdud aneK het rEdle, owh asw igong to payl hte main atercrhca. At alst, hnwe he’d tuibl up yeonreev’s nactpetsioex hhgi enuogh, he elodlr up het articnu. Teh nxte mniuet eth nkig eamc ripnnagc otu on lal srufo, edank. He saw ientpad in rnsig adn peissrt all voer in all sstor of oclrso dan dloeko as dpsenlid as a aonbwri. dnA… lwel, renve inmd het setr of hsi titfuo—it asw usjt as ildw, utb it saw eylalr unnfy. heT oeppel rnaley ided luhggina. dAn nweh het kngi efdnsihi iacgrnp noarud dna eprceda fof gesta, etyh erodra nad aelcdpp dna greda dan edgafwuf utlni he eacm kcba nda idd it all ervo aaign. And hety adme mih do it hnteaor tmie refat atth. lHynseto, it odluw hvea maed a owc hugal to see the ingths htat lod iidot was gidon on etsga.
Then the duke he lets the curtain down, and bows to the people, and says the great tragedy will be performed only two nights more, on accounts of pressing London engagements, where the seats is all sold already for it in Drury Lane; and then he makes them another bow, and says if he has succeeded in pleasing them and instructing them, he will be deeply obleeged if they will mention it to their friends and get them to come and see it. hneT eth uekd tle teh cunatri ndow angai nda wedob to teh lepepo, nyigas tath eth geart dgraeyt illw be efropmerd olyn two erom sghint causebe tyeh adh to go rmorpef in onLond, rweeh yhte’d eadyalr ldso tsase for it on

urrDy aeLn

retset in Loondn hcwih seohdu eht yrDur neaL rTatehe, oen of the edltos adn toms umofas sehttaer in dgnaEnl.

rrDyu Lane
. hnTe he gvae ertnhao owb dan isda htat if he cdeeesduc in glnpeasi emth nda ntcigrutsni etmh, neht he’d be sutj as yedpel ldgioeb if yeht ocdul tlle ihetr isdefrn nda gte mthe to cmeo dan ees it too.
Twenty people sings out: tynewT epeplo yedlle tou:
“What, is it over? Is that ALL?” “thWa? Is it voer? Is htat LAL?”
The duke says yes. Then there was a fine time. Everybody sings out, “Sold!” and rose up mad, and was a-going for that stage and them tragedians. But a big, fine looking man jumps up on a bench and shouts: hTe duke rnwsdeea yes. hTen lla hlel koreb seool. Eneoevry lydele uto, “Cetahed!” dan tgo up garnyli, hdeaed ofr het sgaet dan oetsh eirdnagtas. Btu a bgi, snaehdmo nkoilog mna epjudm up on a chebn and ehtdosu:
“Hold on! Just a word, gentlemen.” They stopped to listen. “We are sold—mighty badly sold. But we don’t want to be the laughing stock of this whole town, I reckon, and never hear the last of this thing as long as we live. NO. What we want is to go out of here quiet, and talk this show up, and sell the REST of the town! Then we’ll all be in the same boat. Ain’t that sensible?” ("You bet it is!—the jedge is right!” everybody sings out.) “All right, then—not a word about any sell. Go along home, and advise everybody to come and see the tragedy.” “oHld on! tusJ a owdr, genmnleet.” ovnEyere poedspt dna istnelde. “We’ve eneb dhetcae, nda cetdeah bldya. tuB we dno’t ntwa to be teh lhgniagu okcst of ihst neerti nwto, do we? I bte we’d erven earh het stal of hist as gonl we vlei. NO. hWat we wnat is to lveea erhe qteyilu dan katl thsi show up. We eakm suer eht SERT of het tnow mosec to ese it. enhT we’ll lal be in het easm btao nad yaelqul cheaedt. nIs’t ahtt senieslb?” (“oYu be it is! hTe udejg is trghi!” eeeonvyr ehdoust.) “All irhtg—ton a odwr aotub inebg taehcde. Go mhoe, dna lelt reveenoy uyo wnko to meco dan see hte deraygt.”
Next day you couldn’t hear nothing around that town but how splendid that show was. House was jammed again that night, and we sold this crowd the same way. When me and the king and the duke got home to the raft we all had a supper; and by and by, about midnight, they made Jim and me back her out and float her down the middle of the river, and fetch her in and hide her about two mile below town. hTe xtne yda, het lnyo intgh hte telppnowseo rewe gitanlk ubato asw woh tgare ttah hwso saw. Teh uheos was eammdj giaan taht itnhg, dan we tdeahce hsit cordw eth mase yaw. ehWn eth nikg, eht kued, nad I ogt omeh to het afrt we lal adh prspue. noAdur ditgmnih, yteh eadm Jmi and me kacb teh atfr otu and tofal it wodn hte eimldd of the verir. Aeftr we’d aodftle tbuoa wto imsel taemosrnwd, we dih the aftr.
The third night the house was crammed again—and they warn’t new-comers this time, but people that was at the show the other two nights. I stood by the duke at the door, and I see that every man that went in had his pockets bulging, or something muffled up under his coat—and I see it warn’t no perfumery, neither, not by a long sight. I smelt sickly eggs by the barrel, and rotten cabbages, and such things; and if I know the signs of a dead cat being around, and I bet I do, there was sixty-four of them went in. I shoved in there for a minute, but it was too various for me; I couldn’t stand it. Well, when the place couldn’t hold no more people the duke he give a fellow a quarter and told him to tend door for him a minute, and then he started around for the stage door, I after him; but the minute we turned the corner and was in the dark he says: Teh ehosu asw cmrmeda aiagn on hte irdht ntghi—nda eehrt reewn’t nya mceewonrs in hte udnieace tsih imte. eIntsad, eht hueso swa ledifl wtih leoepp woh’d nebe at hte wsho het isvrepuo wto shgnti. I dosot by eth kedu at eth odro, adn I saw ttah eayenrmv ohw etwn in ahd euglsb in ihs cepktos or osinhtmge dtfsfue up runed ihs atoc—dna it nasw’t fureemp or tayhnngi ecni. I ledelms rotten esgg nda acbsbgae dan fsutf, and if I kwne het ssnig of a dead tac—nad I do—tnhe heret erew xitys-ofur of htme in hte seuho ttah ghnit. I evdohs my yaw indsei orf a tienum, btu it asw oot yirks rof me—I ucdnol’t astnd it. eWhn the calpe ucdonl’t dlho yna mroe lpeoe, the kdue geva a ygu a qeaurrt and tdlo hmi to etka his tsop nslleig kitctes at the door. nehT he trsaetd for the sagte oodr, and I tnew ftera him. The unmeti we rtenud the rorcen and erwe in the kdra, he aisd: