A Midsummer Night’s Dream

by: William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

BOTTOM

Give me your neaf, Monsieur Mustardseed. Pray you, leave your courtesy, good monsieur.

BOTTOM

Give me your first, Mr. Mustardseed. Please, stop bowing, good sir.

MUSTARDSEED

What’s your will?

MUSTARDSEED

What would you like me to do?

BOTTOM

15Nothing, good monsieur, but to help Cavalery Cobweb to scratch. I must to the barber’s, monsieur, for methinks I am marvelous hairy about the face. And I am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me, I must scratch.

BOTTOM

Nothing, good sir, except to help Sir Cobweb scratch my head. I should go to the barber’s, monsieur, because I think I’m getting really hairy around the face. And I’m such a sensitive ass that if my hair even tickles me a little, I need to scratch.

TITANIA

What, wilt thou hear some music, my sweet love?

TITANIA

Would you like to hear some music, my sweet love?

BOTTOM

I have a reasonable good ear in music. Let’s have the tongs and the bones.

BOTTOM

I have a pretty good ear for music. Let’s hear someone play the triangle and the sticks.

TITANIA

Or say, sweet love, what thou desirest to eat.

TITANIA

Or tell me, my sweet love, what you’d like to eat.

BOTTOM

Truly, a peck of provender. I could munch your good dry oats. Methinks I have a great desire to a bottle of hay. Good hay, sweet hay, hath no fellow.

BOTTOM

Actually, I’d like a few pounds of grass. I’d like to munch on some good dry oats. Or maybe I’ve got a hankering for a bundle of hay. There’s nothing like good hay, really sweet hay.

TITANIA

20I have a venturous fairy that shall seek
The squirrel’s hoard and fetch thee new nuts.

TITANIA

I have an adventurous fairy who’ll go seek out the squirrel’s secret stash and get you some fresh nuts.

BOTTOM

I had rather have a handful or two of dried peas. But, I pray you, let none of your people stir me. I have an exposition of sleep come upon me.

BOTTOM

I’d rather have a handful or two of dried peas. But please don’t let any of your people wake me up. I really want to sleep now.

TITANIA

Sleep thou, and I will wind thee in my arms.
Fairies, be gone, and be all ways away.

TITANIA

Go to sleep, and I will wrap my arms around you. Fairies, go away. Run off in all directions.
Exeunt FAIRIES
The FAIRIES exit.