No Fear Shakespeare: Romeo and Juliet: Act 2 Scene 4 Page 5

Original Text	Modern Text
ROMEO I stretch it out for that word “broad,” which, added to the goose, proves thee far and wide a broad goose.	ROMEO I stretch my joke for that word “fat.” If you add that word to the word “goose,” it shows that you are a fat goose.
MERCUTIO Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou sociable. Now art thou Romeo. Now art thou what thou art—by art as well as by nature, for this driveling love is like a great natural that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.	MERCUTIO Why, isn’t all this joking better than groaning about love? Now you’re sociable. Now you’re Romeo. Now you are what you’ve learned to be and what you are naturally. This love of yours was like a blithering idiot who runs up and down looking for a hole to hide his toy Toy = a double entendre for penis toy in.
BENVOLIO Stop there, stop there.	BENVOLIO Stop there, stop there.
MERCUTIO Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.	MERCUTIO You want me to stop my tale Tale = a double entendre for penis tale before I’m done.
BENVOLIO 45Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.	BENVOLIO Otherwise your tale would have gotten too long.
MERCUTIO Oh, thou art deceived. I would have made it short, for I was come to the whole depth of my tale, and meant, indeed, to occupy the argument no longer.	MERCUTIO Oh, you’re wrong. I would have made it short. I had come to the deepest part of my tale, and I planned to say nothing more on the topic.
Enter NURSE and her man PETER	The NURSE enters with her servant, PETER.
ROMEO Here’s goodly gear.	ROMEO Here’s something good.
BENVOLIO A sail, a sail!	BENVOLIO A sail, a sail! Benvolio makes the cry of a sailor who spots another ship on the horizon because the nurse is fat and sily-looking. A sail, a sail!
MERCUTIO Two, two—a shirt and a smock.	MERCUTIO There’s two—a man and a woman.
NURSE 50Peter!	NURSE Peter!