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I warrant he had a thousand of these letters writ with blank space for different names—sure, more—and these are of the second edition. He will print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess and lie under Mount Pelion. (2.1.74–80)
Mistress Page speaks these lines to Mistress Ford upon discovering that Falstaff has sent them identical letters of seduction. The women are irritated by the man’s forwardness as well as his laziness. Mistress Page expresses her bemusement with a punning joke that turns on the phrase “into the press.” In one sense, she’s referring to a printing press that might be used to make identical copies of the same text. In another sense, however, the phrase references a torture device in which a victim was pressed under heavy weight. Here, she imagines that having sex with such a fat man would result in her being crushed. Hence her cheeky reference to a myth in which giants who had defied the gods were punished by getting crushed under Mount Pelion.
Your husband’s here at hand. Bethink you of some conveyance. In the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a basket. If he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking. Or—it is whiting time—send him by your two men to Datchet Mead. (3.3.125–32)
This quote comes from the first scene of Falstaff’s humiliation, where the two Mistresses conspire to send the knight out in a buck-basket and have him dumped in the river. The scenario is scripted in advance, but in order to work, the performance needs to be convincing. And indeed, Mistress Page proves to be a consummate actor. She feigns a perfectly chiding tone as she addresses Mistress Ford, and she is equally convincing in the way she pretends to think out loud about how to get Falstaff out of the house. She also throws in a subtle insult to boot, noting that if the man Mistress Ford has in her house “be of any reasonable stature,” then he should fit comfortably in the basket. Of course, she knows that the overweight Falstaff will suffer in such a confined space.
My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor’s marrying my daughter. But ’tis no matter. Better a little chiding than a great deal of heartbreak. (5.3.8–11)
With these lines, Mistress Page confirms her commitment to the plan in which Doctor Caius will steal away with her daughter and marry her. This goes against her husband’s wishes, since he thinks Anne should marry Slender, a wealthy man of limited intelligence. On the one hand, her willingness to get in trouble with Master Page shows her sensitivity to the importance of finding a good match in marriage. However, her choice of Caius also demonstrates a failure to honor her daughter’s preference for Fenton, the suitor whom she truly loves. Thus, Mistress Page is setting herself up to be chided not only by her husband, but also by her daughter. This is the lesson she must learn before the play reaches its final resolution.
