What did you do this summer? Nothing? Thank God, because neither did I. Hopefully neither one of us will run into someone who “traveled” or “bettered themselves” or, God forbid, “went to the beach,” because I’m not accepting that energy in my life right now.
In the event that you DO encounter someone like that, here are some things you can say you did this summer when they inevitably ask. This way you won’t have to explain that you actually just wore the same leggings and oversized T-shirt for three months straight while sitting in front of a fan, watching Riverdale on Netflix, and scrolling through other people’s Instagrams with Cheeto-dusted fingers.
1.“I went on vacation to Spain. Don’t bother asking where I stayed or what I did; suffice it to say I was in Spain at some point, and that’s as specific as I’d like to be.”
2. “I went to the beach, but specifically on days when you weren’t there.”
3. “I spent the whole summer going to music festivals. No, I won’t be telling you which ones. Please respect my privacy.”
4. “I stayed at our lake house, which is definitely a thing my family has.”
5. “I fell in love with an attractive stranger who doesn’t go to our school and isn’t on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.”
6. “I went to the Grand Canyon. Did I bring back any souvenirs? No. Did I get any pictures? Also no.”
7. “I was at summer camp. Which one? Camp… Summer. Tree? Yeah, Camp Summer Tree. That’s what it was called. It exists, but don’t Google it or anything.”
8. “I went to an amusement park with friends. Which amusement park? Which friends? Six Flags, and… Bob. I went with Bob, and… Wendy. What, you’ve never met Bob and Wendy?”
9. “I spent a lot of time kayaking on the river, unless you know a lot about kayaking, in which case I went mountain climbing.”
10. “I worked all summer at Dairy Queen. I would go into more detail, but legally I’m not at liberty to discuss it.”
11. “I studied abroad. Where did I go? What was I studying? Sorry, I’m not accepting comments or questions at this time.”
12. “I went mini golfing this summer. Yes, the entire time.”