If you are in a relationship, there is a 25% chance you are dating a Gryffindor. There is a 25% chance you are dating one of the lion-hearted, and it would behoove you to know for sure because Gryffindors are… well, they’re something else, that’s for sure.
“But how will I know if I’m dating a Gryffindor?” you may ask. Don’t worry. We’ve got your back. Here’s how you know:
1. They will often text you first. Unlike most people, they have no qualms about seeming overeager.
2. They are good gift givers. You won’t have to muster up a lukewarm “Wow, thanks” as you squint at whatever it is they foisted upon you, trying to figure out what it is or why they thought you should have it. Gryffindors give amazing gifts. They see a void in your life, and they fill it.
3. They will kiss you even when you are sick. They do not yield to germs. They are whatever the opposite of a germaphobe is.
4. Gryffindors always know the correct way to interact with your parents. Some of the people you date will be uncertain; are they on a first-name basis with your mom, or should they stick with a respectful “Mrs. Fletcher”? Gryffindors know exactly where they stand with your parents at all times and will be like “Hey, Karen” as casually as if the two of them are lifelong friends, or else they will say “Thanks for having us over, Mrs. Fletcher!” without making it sound weirdly formal.
5. They are always operating at a 10, or at the very least an 8. I have never met a Gryffindor who knew how to dial it down to anything less.
6. Their idea of a fun first date is something zany, like a hike or an escape room or a cooking class.
7. They give such good and tight and warm hugs that it will make you wonder if you are secretly dying and just don’t know it yet.
8. They will not make excuses for when they have to cancel a date. They will straight-up tell you they are lying in bed, full of snot, or recently ate some bad sushi which triggered a bathroom situation that was unprecedented.
9. It will always be down to you to remember to bring stuff. They will always forget to bring a pencil, or lunch, or those concert tickets they swore up and down they wouldn’t forget.
10. Gryffindors are the patron saint of having no chill, which is why dating them in an Experience. Nay, it is an Experience And A Half. They have so many thoughts and feelings and ideas and no reasonable means of bottling them up. They will never calm down, nor should you expect them to.
11. They will always be up for trying new things. “Want to do a tarot card reading?” you might say. “You know, just to shake things up?” Of course they do! Karaoke, geocaching, horseback riding—you name it, odds are a Gryffindor will try it.
12. They love big, sweeping romantic gestures. They will likely ask you out at the top of a ferris wheel while fireworks are exploding overhead to spell out “Will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?” exactly two years to the MINUTE after they met you for the first time.
13. They love drama. They THRIVE on it. They won’t drag you into anything, necessarily, but they secretly love celebrity feuds and have never once backed down from a debate in the comments of a Facebook post.
14. They don’t get embarrassed easily. They could commit an egregious social faux pas and still find the humor in it. For instance, if they accidentally said “You too!” to a waiter who just told them to enjoy their meal, they’d find it funny rather than deeply mortifying and borderline illegal (unlike a Ravenclaw).
15. They are very competitive, but you may not realize this until you are well into your relationship because Gryffindors are so effortlessly good at things that they seem to win almost without trying.
16. They will periodically text you things and say, “This made me think of you,” and it will be wonderfully adorable and affirming every single time.