I want to believe I would enjoy hanging out with my favorite fictional characters, but in reality I’m not so sure. The qualities that make them so well-loved in novels are probably the same qualities that would make them absolutely insufferable in everyday life.
For instance, imagine getting pizza with Hamlet. Imagine asking him what toppings he wants and getting a soliloquy chock full of self-doubt and existential ennui in return. I get that life is untenable, dude, but how are we feeling about green olives? Okay, yes—to die, to sleep, to sleep, perchance to dream and all that, but do we want breadsticks? If I get breadsticks will you eat them? I’m not getting breadsticks if no one else will eat them.
Although I will continue to enjoy them from afar, here are seven fictional characters who most of us would probably hate hanging out with.