First dates are this thing we do ostensibly to see if we’re compatible with the other person, but in reality? It’s to see if we can picture ourselves watching Netflix with them for the rest of our lives, and we all know it.
And while it might take more than one date to figure out if you and this person have a future together, it usually only takes one date to know if you definitely DON’T. For instance, my friend went on a first date with a guy who ranked his ex-girlfriends (WHAT). I have another friend who went on a date with a guy who called his parents in the middle of dinner, put it on speakerphone, and introduced her as his girlfriend despite the fact that this was the first time they’d ever met in person (DOUBLE WHAT). Surprisingly, neither of these get-togethers yielded a follow-up.
Now, I feel certain there are MANY fictional couples out there who would not make it past a modern first date, but I’ll content myself with merely listing seven of them. The rest I suppose I’ll save for when someone at a party asks me “So, what’s new with you?” and I panic because nothing is new with me. But enough about my haunted crypt of a social life. Onward!