Auntie SparkNotes: Can My Dad Force Me to Take Out Loans for College?

Dear Auntie SparkNotes,

So I’m currently a senior in high school, I’ve applied for several jobs and I want to pay my college tuition through my time in college rather than taking loans. My parents have told me that they can’t afford to fund my education but are willing to take out loans assuming I’ll pay them after I graduate. Since tuition is my responsibility, I thought about it and decided that I did not want to take out loans if at all possible. I have a high school grade point average of 90, I’m in roughly the top quarter of my class, and I’m graduating a full year early.

Now the weird part: Since I don’t turn 18 until February of 2017, my dad says I have no legal control of my finances. He wants me to take out loans for my education. HERE’S THE WORST THING. It’s not so that I’ll have more time to study, it’s so that “the burden incentivizes me to work hard for my degree” so I can pay for my loans—he insinuates that without the loans on my head I’ll just go to college and drop out.

I come from a conservative family, so boyfriends and sex are completely forbidden topics of conversation. My father constantly accuses me of graduating early just so that I can “leave home and screw around” in college, as in with boys or drugs. I told him straight that he couldn’t make me take loans, and he said, “What makes you think you have a choice? You’re not 18 so I can sign them under your name.”

The constant berating coupled with the financial oppressiveness is causing not only depression, but creating a very unhealthy atmosphere at home. I just don’t know what to do, please help.

Well, here’s the good news: The thing you should do? You’re already doing it, in the form of taking responsibility for your future and questioning your father’s attempts to undermine your independence. You sort of bumped up against this in your letter, but it’s worth saying explicitly: It sounds like your dad has seized on the prospect of putting you in debt as a means of ensuring not just that you have to work your ass off to graduate, get a good job, and repay the borrowed money, but that you don’t have any fun (in the form of non-parent-approved “screwing around”) in the meantime. Which is actually kind of hilarious in terms of how unrealistic it is; the idea of eventual student loan payments as some kind of deterrent to college debauchery would certainly be news to the millions of kids out there who will graduate in debt up to their eyeballs, but fully intend to spend next Saturday night doing naked keg stands regardless. But whatever. Your dad’s motivations are what they are; whether or not they’re logical is irrelevant. And as far as those motivations go, everything he’s said and done speaks to him being very, very uncomfortable with the idea of what you might do when you officially, legally have the freedom to make your own choices.

Unfortunately—for him, that is—that’s an idea he’s just going to have to deal with. Despite what he may think (or what he wants you to think), your father cannot legally take out loans in your name, using your social security number, without your permission. That’s fraud, which in most cases is a felony punishable by multiple years in prison. If he actually did what he’s threatened to do, and forged your signature on a loan in your name, he would be committing a serious crime.

Which, hopefully, is why his promise to do so is nothing but a bunch of empty blustering.

But because “hopefully” is not the same as “definitely,” this is the part where I’m duty-bound to suggest that you take some steps to protect yourself. First and foremost, if you’re not in possession of your social security card, you need to take ownership of it and keep it in a safe, secure place (i.e., in a padlocked box, not in your wallet.) You need to take as much control as you can of your finances, your credit, and your legal identity; I’d strongly recommend that you talk to a trusted adult like a teacher or guidance counselor, explain the situation, and ask for help setting up a password-protected account on the FAFSA site before anyone else sets one up in your name. Depending on how bad things are at home (you’ve barely mentioned your mother; what does she have to say about all this?), you may also want to take steps to emancipate yourself legally before you turn 18; for more information, you can do a search for “emancipated minor [your state]”. And if this comes up again, and your dad suggests that he intends to take out loans in your name without your consent, that would be a good time to suggest right back, in no uncertain terms, that you’ll press charges if he does.

For the record, I know all of this sounds extremely scary and dire, and with any luck, it’ll all be totally unnecessary. But because it’s so easy for a parent to steal a child’s identity, and because your dad has already threatened to do exactly that, this is a time where it’s prudent to prep for the worst-case scenario even as you hope for the best-case one. The damage your father could cause to your financial future is much easier to prevent than it is to undo.

But on the subject of hoping for the best, the next time you’re face-to-face with your dad and he’s accusing you of being unserious about your education or trying to buck your family’s conservative values, try asking him to have some trust—not just in you, but in himself. You’ve been under your father’s roof for 17 years; does he really think he did such a terrible job of raising you to be responsible and work hard that you need the incentive of debt to do it? Or does he have faith that he raised you well?

No, really: Ask him. And when he says that yes, he does (because let’s be real, he’s not going to say no), then remind him gently that the time has come for you to put all he’s taught you to good use—and for him to trust that you’ll make your own decisions, using the good judgment he’s spent your entire life teaching you to have.

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