Auntie SparkNotes: I Can’t Lose Weight and I Hate It

Dear Auntie SparkNotes,

When I was 11, I decided that I wanted to lose weight—I was categorized as obese and being fat wasn’t exactly something I particularly enjoyed. I joined a slimming group, which worked great for the first couple of months, and I had lost half a stone. And then I went back to the group, they weighed me and I’d put on five pounds. I had a lot of stuff going on at that moment so it probably was that, and if I hadn’t been in such a bad state of mind I probably wouldn’t have given up.

And yet I gave up.

Since then I’ve been trying again and again to lose weight and ending up putting it back on again and again. And the older I get, the less will power I seem to have. I’ve been binge eating for the past couple of years (I actually spent £200 on food over the last two months) and no matter how determined I think I am, I end up taking another cake or buying more food. I’m now 16, moving to college next year and I want to at least lose some weight by then. I hate myself and I hate my life because of my weight and yet despite how much it kills me, I can’t shift it. Please help!

I wish so badly that I could, Sparkler. But unfortunately, your problem is one of those pesky ones that requires the help of a live professional person, one with actual degrees in things like psychology and nutrition. (Whereas Auntie SparkNotes’ formal education was in Art, French, and Advanced Cheez-It Eating.)

That’s why your next move, as soon as we’re done here, is to find yourself a mental health professional who specializes in eating disorders.

Because that’s what you’re dealing with, okay? Your binge eating is the problem; your weight is just a symptom. Somewhere along the way (and likely very early on, if you were already obese at age 11), you developed a not-so-great relationship with food, as well as with your own body. For you to achieve the kind of significant, lasting change you want, you need to address the root of the issue and start healing those relationships—which is something you won’t accomplish simply by losing weight.

And lest you be tempted to ignore all this because you’d rather focus on weight loss, you should be aware: Without a healthy mindset and solid nutritional principles to support your efforts, not only are you likely to regain any weight you manage to lose, but there’s a good chance you’ll also manage to torpedo your metabolism in the process, to the point where all your future efforts are sabotaged before you even begin.

Because the human body is a marvelous machine, but it’s also kind of an a-hole.

But hey, now that I’ve probably scared you half to death with all this dire urgency, here’s the good news: If you commit to working on this in the mental sphere, where it lives, where it matters, the physical results you want will follow. Healthier eating means a healthier bod, one that’s stronger, more resilient, and, sure, maybe more “shapely.” Even if you don’t become significantly smaller, you’ll look and feel significantly better just by giving your body what it needs.

And from there, if losing weight is something you still want to do, you’ll be able to go about it in the right way, with the right foundation to support your efforts, and with healthy goals that are well within your reach.

Got something to say? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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