Auntie SparkNotes: I Cheated on the SAT

Dear Auntie SparkNotes,

I have repressed memories of me realizing one or two mistakes I made on a previous section of the SAT and going back to fix them outside the allotted time for the section. I remember thinking, “The SAT is supposed to measure your intelligence, right? So making sure my answers are 100% what I think they should be shouldn’t be cheating.” Since it was senior year, I was valedictorian and college applications were coming up soon, I felt highly pressured by myself, my teachers, and my family to do well. As a result, I succumbed to temptation and forgot my morals.

A few months later, I learned that I’d gotten the highest SAT score in the county. I was featured in the city newspaper, and I am supposed to represent the county at an upcoming regional STAR meeting. I also had the pleasure of picking a STAR teacher who has been instrumental to my life, and he is extremely proud of me.

Yet, I am unsure whether or not I deserve such an honor. Part of me tells me that since I only changed a few SAT answers, and all my answers came from me and not another person or source, I shouldn’t be so worried. But a big part of me is screaming that I may have stolen this amazing honor from someone who did not break any rules. I am tempted to confess and apologize, but I fear that my momentary lapse of judgment on the SAT will not only shame my family, county, school, and teacher, but will also jeopardize my college admissions and the love and support of my graduating class. I am truly honored and grateful for everyone who has helped me so far on my academic journey, especially my parents, but I feel I have deceived them and let them all down.

So far, I have promised myself to never forget my morals again, and I am trying even harder to become a better student and help others to prove I deserve the support of my friends and family. All I want to do is be happy again, but my conscience is constantly eating me alive, and I feel extreme guilt every time I am praised. What should I do?

For starters, you should sit tight while Auntie SparkNotes reviews a few key points to make sure I’ve got my facts straight. So: You didn’t ask for or finagle additional time with the test beyond what you were allotted. You didn’t fail to complete a section and surreptitiously go back to work on it. You didn’t illicitly obtain information from somewhere other than inside your own head.

Basically, the sole extent of your wrongdoing was to finish the SAT with enough extra time to marinate in the experience, realize that you’d made an error or two, and go back to fix them.

… Maybe I’m just a terrible person, Sparkler, but all things considered? I think this is more a good life lesson than a Very Bad Thing.

And I know, I know, it’s not strictly permitted to return to a previous section while you’re taking the test. But on a scale of one to cheating, having an “oh crap” moment and jumping back to correct a mistake barely moves the needle. (An interesting thought experiment: What if you’d accidentally filled in your name, address, or social security number incorrectly, and only realized your mistake at the tail end of the test? Would you break the rules to go back and fix it? Would you feel as guilty about it if you did?) Also, you make an interesting point when you talk about what the SAT is meant to measure. SAT stands for “scholastic aptitude test,” and it’s supposed to be a reflection of your scholarly ability — which doesn’t always go hand in hand with mindless, uncritical adherence to the rules. It’s hard to imagine what kind of serious student would sit on their hands in a situation like this, and knowingly turn in subpar work, instead of fixing the error while it was still possible to do so.

In short, sweet pea, reasonable people can disagree on whether what you did is even a big deal.

But even if I thought this was a grave violation of every law of decency in the known universe, under these particular circumstances, I’d still tell you that this is one of those times where you just have to keep lying in the uncomfortable bed you made.

Because at this point, confessing your rule-breaking would be a profoundly self-serving act; you would be doing it to make yourself feel better, at the expense of making your family, your community, and your beloved teacher all look like fools. And if you did need to experience some consequences for your choice, it’s hard to think of a more appropriate one than that little twist of guilt you get every time someone congratulates you for the honor you’re not totally sure you deserve. That’s a pretty profound lesson in why it’s better to come by your achievements honestly, no?

Which is what I hope you’ll realize, and remember, when you’re tempted to kick yourself around the block again for betraying your morals: the way you feel is not pleasant, but it’s not without value. This was a major learning experience for you. And while the guilt you feel will fade in time (especially once you’re done with high school and your SAT scores are no longer important or interesting to the people around you), the knowledge you’ve gained is something you’ll likely remember, and use, for the rest of your life.

Got something to say? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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