Auntie SparkNotes: I Told My Crush Something Soooo Embarrassing

Hi Auntie.

I am a high school student, and I have a huge problem. I actually have other, more interesting and pressing problems right now, but this is by far the most mortifying.

I made a middle school-aged boy, who I shall call P, cry. P was over at my house, doing something my mom told him not to do. So I told him that my parents were really mad at him and had been for some time, to get him to stop. He freaked out, and called his parents and cried.

I apologized profusely, because I had no idea he would have that kind of reaction, and he was fine. I learned a lesson, I guess. I feel superbly guilty about this, by the way, and I will never do such a thing again. But here’s the truly bad part.

Me and my crush are okay friends, and we both know P. We had been talking quite a lot that day. He doesn’t know I have a crush on him.

In a moment of superb, amazing idiocy, I TOLD HIM THAT I MADE P CRY AND HOW GUILTY I FELT ABOUT IT. My brain must have switched off for about an hour, because I would never make anyone that sad in real life, MUCH LESS TELL ANYONE ELSE ABOUT IT. But the worst part is that I omitted that he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He just thinks that I was mean for the sake of meanness! I don’t even know why I would even think that it was a good idea!

Nice guy that he is, he sympathized with me. He said he was sorry that I felt bad about it. I guess he understood I didn’t mean to hurt P. But he knows that I made a kid cry, and he knows that I voluntarily told him about it. I don’t want him to dislike me, or think that I am cold-hearted or any stranger than he already knows that I am. I don’t know what to do. All I know now is that I am an absolute idiot. How in the world could I possibly resolve this situation? Should I go bury myself in a hole and never go into society again? Oh God, I hope he doesn’t read this.

Oh God, I know, right?! I mean, imagine this, Sparkler: If your crush happened to stumble upon this column, he would definitely realize — if he hasn’t already — that you’re a… a…

A PERSON.

OH MY GOD THE HORROR.

And look, sweet pea: I know that this seems like a monumentally big and embarrassing deal to you, and I also know how easy it is to get so caught up in the monumental embarrassment that you end up reliving it on an endless loop in high-def super-slo-mo. I myself periodically wake up in the middle of the night just to remember something stupid I said at a party fifteen years ago, at which point I lie awake until morning marinating in a delightful soup of humiliation and flop sweat, because what was I thinking?!!

OH YEAH. I KNOW THAT FEEL, MY FRIEND.

But that’s why I hope you’ll believe me when I tell you that your monumentally big and embarrassing deal is your crush’s insignificant blip on the radar of life that has already been forgotten. He’s not dwelling on this incident and what it says about Who You Are As A Person. He’s not sitting somewhere, adding “made a child cry” to a spreadsheet he maintains to document all your character flaws. When he thinks about that conversation, if he thinks about it at all, all he’ll remember is that he made you feel better when you were feeling bad about hurting somebody’s feelings.

Which, by the way, is not some kind of huge and damaging secret that you were supposed to never tell anyone, ever. For one thing, the fact that this child cried when you told him he was in trouble with your folks says much, much more about him, and his relative lack of maturity and/or dislike of being caught misbehaving, than it does about what kind of person you are. Middle schoolers are not particularly known for being thoughtful and reasonable when they’re called out for acting like brats (and despite you having forgotten to mention that part to your crush, there’s a good chance that he figured it out on his own — or at least assumed that there was a little more to the story than you tormenting a kid for funzies.)

But more importantly, when you’re feeling vulnerable and guilty about something, talking about it is a normal thing to do. Acknowledging your mistakes out loud, especially to a sympathetic listener, is the first and best way to start moving on from them. I mean, you do know that, right? There’s even an extremely well-known religious practice predicated on this exact principle! (Although presumably your friend/crush didn’t have you say a hundred Hail Marys/Our Fathers/ Yo’ Mamas in exchange for hearing you out.)

So when you ask how to resolve this situation, the answer is just this: Let it go. Please. I promise you, everyone else has. And the next time you’re tempted to rake yourself over the coals for the hideous crime of being a person, try to remember that everyone else is too busy being a person themselves to pay much attention to you.

Got something to say? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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