Auntie SparkNotes: Should I Give Up on This Summer Fling?

Dear Auntie,

Recently, I returned home for an internship. By home, I mean a super small mining camp. I’ve spent my whole life here and know the ins and outs pretty well, but each summer college interns from all over the world come into town, and you can imagine their shock when they enter such a small place.

It was during intern training that I met Grant. We hit it off pretty well and started hanging out when we had time. I know that summer will eventually come to a close, but I didn’t see anything wrong with pursuing something casual as long as we communicate and understand that is what it is.

I usually stop by the interns’ dorm on the weekends to hang out. After one of these nights, Grant invited me to watch a movie after everyone went to bed. To be quite frank, Auntie, I thought this was the night we would complete the HND. But instead we just kind of flirted a little and then Grant fell asleep so I excused myself and drove home. He apologized the next morning and was really sorry. The next night the same thing happened, except Grant and I cuddled a little closer, but once again ended with nothing past that.

We had set up a time to go to dinner, but instead ended up taking a drive and watching a sunset. Romantic right? Well, it was certainly a nice time, but there wasn’t a lot of flirting going on. Also, unlike the previous times, there was also no alcohol involved.

This past weekend, Grant invited me to go camping with some of the other interns. I’m not big on camping but I thought it would be a good way to push myself out of my comfort zone and hang with my new pals (and I was excited at the chance to sleep in a tent next to Grant).

I’m sure you can sense the pattern that is going to follow. Grant and I had a blast singing T-Swift on the drive there. But, the first night of camping, Grant once again fell asleep. He went to bed way before the rest of the group so when I got into the tent, there wasn’t much cuddling action (and it was a five-person tent that we shared with two others.) The next night, I was one of the last ones to bed and found that everyone in our tent had fallen asleep on top of my stuff and I had to switch tents since there was no longer room for me.

The final thing: During the trip, there were a few other interns that caught my eye who I hadn’t met before. Don’t get me wrong, I still like Grant a lot, but if his interest isn’t there… and I had so much fun Auntie! It was a group of guys that thought I was funny and seemed to enjoy my company.

So with that being said, am I misreading all of Grant’s invitations to hang out? Does he only like me when he’s had something to drink? Could it be he is more nervous to flirt when he hasn’t had something to drink? Should I confess my crush or just continue to go with the flow in hopes that we’ll be in a better situation for one of us to make a move when he hasn’t been drinking? Should I try and pursue a different intern if Grant just keeps snoozing on me? Am I just boy crazy because I am getting positive attention from a group of smart guys? Or is the best solution to just get close to everyone as just friends in order to have a drama free summer?

Wait, what? A drama free summer? But… but… but where’s the fun in that?!

And I’ll be honest, darling: Despite the fact that I’m answering your letter, given that it’s been a few weeks since you sent it, I really sincerely hope that you haven’t been waiting on a response from me to enjoy a hot, sweaty, sordid summer fling with someone—or maybe even several someones. It would be a terrible waste, when you’re young and unencumbered and surrounded by dozens of eligible and interested young mining interns, to hesitate just because you were waiting for the official thumbs-up from some random broad on the internet. (And if you were waiting… well, damn. I suppose you’ll just have to make up for lost time! EVERYONE INTO THE HOT TUB!)

But having firmly established that there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a little extracurricular lovin’ along with your internship, I will say that it seems pointless to waste your precious few weeks of potential fling time with a guy who seems not to see you that way unless he’s wearing beer goggles. Not that that’s necessarily the issue here; it could be shyness or fear, a lack of interest or a lack of confidence. Or, hey, he could be gay. (For what it’s worth, there are things about this scenario that suggest a certain brand of, er, confusion on Grant’s part about how he feels.) But regardless of the reason, this crush has proved itself to be a bit of a non-starter—and when you’re talking about a casual romance within a limited timeframe, there’s nothing wrong with simply shrugging it off and moving on to someone who more clearly returns your interest, especially if that someone seems interesting to you.

Of course, there’s also nothing wrong with making one last effort to get your first crush off the ground, ideally in the form of asking Grant directly whether he’d like to escalate your relationship beyond the chaste cuddling stage (and with the caveat that you’ve gotta be a grownup about it if the answer is “no.”) It just comes down to a question of a) what you want, and b) whether you want it with this particular person enough to brave the potential awkwardness of a rejection.

But if I may make a suggestion: When you’ve got a built-in expiration date for any entanglements, romantic or otherwise, you can afford to be a little bolder, and maybe risk a little more embarrassment, because even the worst-case scenario won’t last. If things don’t work out, or get weird, that drama ends when the summer does… at which point you may not have a summer fling under your belt, but hey, you’ve still got a good story to tell your friends.

Got something to say? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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