Auntie SparkNotes: UPDATE: Should I Talk to My Parents About Cutting?

Dear Auntie,

In my last letter, I told you about how when I finally told my parents about my self harm they just teased me about it. Well, following your advice I did let them know I didn’t like it and it stopped for the most part. After that I did something that finally jolted me into stopping. That was two and a half months ago and now I’ve started again.

I’m leery about telling my parents again because for reasons I won’t include in the letter, I’m 90% sure that it will only make it worse for them and for me. I also know that it hurts them whenever they found out about this, so I don’t want to have to burden them with it again. This goes for my best friends as well because it hurts them too that I do it.

I want to stop again though Auntie and this time it’s even worse. Not the cuts themselves, those are fine, but the feelings behind them. At times I feel almost numb, and at others I want to break down in tears. I don’t know what to do to try and stop this time. Should I try and see if I can talk my stepdad (he is the more approachable about this type of thing) into seeing if I get professional help? Or am I overreacting and should just give this time to blow over?

Let me make sure I’ve got this straight, sweet pea: You feel worse than ever, you’re cutting again, and you want to stop hurting yourself, yes?

Because if that’s the case, then there is no earthly reason why you should wait, and continue slicing up your poor epidermis in the meantime, just to see if it blows over on its own. Even if that could happen, it goes without saying that it’s best if you stop self-harming sooner rather than later, which means your ideal path forward is to seek help right now.

So yes, talk to your approachable parent, and be unequivocal about the need for some professional support. You’ve been where you are for long enough to know that this problem is one you can’t solve on your own.

None of which is to say that this will be an easy conversation. It’s just that you have to have it anyway, even if it’s hard, and even if it’s upsetting to everyone. And just for the record, you’re right: Your parents won’t be happy to know that you’ve been hurting yourself again. I mean, of course they won’t. But that’s not because you’re a burden; it’s because people don’t like to see someone they love in pain. And however much it hurts your family to learn that you’re still self-harming, you must realize that it would hurt them infinitely more to know that you suffered alone through this because you didn’t trust them to support you.

It is your parents’ job to help you through stuff like this. This is what they signed up for. And while they may not have approached things perfectly when you first told them about your self-harm, they’re batting 1000 when it comes to listening to you and taking you seriously. There’s no reason to think that they won’t continue to do so—and on that note, your claim that talking to them will only cause problems, for mysterious reasons you prefer not to explain, just doesn’t ring true. Not only that, but it’s classic Depression Talk, the kind of smokescreen your illness would throw out there in a last-ditch attempt to keep you sick and sad: “Asking for help will only make things worse!”

That’s baloney, Sparkler. It makes no logical sense unless you’re looking for reasons to stay miserable.

And you don’t want to stay miserable. Right? You want to feel like yourself again, and I can guarantee that your friends and family want that for you, too. And when you give them a chance to support you on your path toward healing, you also give yourself the best possible chance of getting to a better place and staying there. All you have to do is reach out. Please do.

Got something to say? Tell us in the comments! And to get advice from Auntie, email her at advice@sparknotes.com.
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