CALLING ALL SPARKLERS: Who Would You Cast in the Movie of Your Life?

Whenever I’m lying awake at night, it’s usually because I’m hungry and I’m wondering if I should make a quick snack, thus compromising the state of my just-brushed teeth. Lately, however, it’s because I’m trying to figure out who would play me in a movie about my life. I’m not saying this would be a good movie. I’m not saying it wouldn’t tank at the box office and leave film critics lamenting the sad state of modern cinema. I’m just saying it’s something to think about. (The plot would be meandering. The character development would be shoddy. Overall, a 4/10.)

For me, it should probably be Betty White or Lin-Manuel Miranda. Maybe Sir Ian McKellen, dressed as Gandalf. I feel like they’re the only ones who really get me. Unfortunately, I have my doubts as to whether they could portray a 23-year-old girl who’s constantly threading an impressive needle between “responsible adult with a good head on her shoulders” and “failure of a human who’s a scourge upon this earth,” so I guess I’ll have to broaden my horizons.

Maybe Emma Stone? Or Willa Holland? They could both pass for 23. They both have green eyes. They both look like me, if I were a completely different person with nicer bone structure and better hair. You might know Willa Holland from Arrow, but I know her from my fantasies where we are curled up together underneath a couples’ Snuggie and eating cookies that I burned in the oven but she’s pretending she likes them that way. It’s nothing. I’ve barely even thought about this. ANYWAY.

I’m turning it over you guys. Who would be your cinematic doppelgänger?