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Decoding Fictional Characters’ Zodiac Signs

High school students have, for centuries probably, been given the tedious task of classifying fictional characters into archetypes. You may not know this, but the whole concept of archetypes comes from the TRUE, ESTABLISHED, AND VERY SCIENTIFIC fact that our personalities are predetermined by the stars under which we were born.

As it happens, our favorite characters, although born into parallel dimensions, are not free from the movement of the galaxies:


Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables

Anne was undoubtedly born under the cosmic influence of Aries. The redheaded childhood heroine of anyone with a good school librarian made her entrance under the northern celestial hemisphere (and then reincarnated almost a century afterwards, again under Aries, with the name of Hermione Granger). Anne is a true Ram: She’s got determination, a hardworking spirit, a strong sense of duty, a body full of energy and enthusiasm. And yet all of these good Methodist qualities are sprinkled with the rebellion, possessiveness, and ability to fall out of canoes in front of boys.

Monica Geller from Friends

Everything about Monica screams VIRGOOOO. Why? Two words: Perfectionist and clean-freak. You might be thinking that paints an unfair picture of dear old Mon, but don’t forget that Virgos tend to direct all of this perfectionism towards the needs of other people and the community. Exhibit A: all the incredible meals Monica cooked to make up for Rachel’s Thanksgiving trifle.

The Tree from The Giving Tree

Whaaaaat a Pisces. The good-natured, caring, tolerant hunk of flora was also, sadly, steeped in cluelessness. Endearing but frustrating cluelessness. Have you ever thought about why the Tree didn’t notice that the Boy was an undercover frenemy? We were all _rooting_ for you, Tree, and yet—you handed all of your cellulose and dignity to that ungrateful boy on a silver platter. This is why we have global warming.

Alaska Young from Looking for Alaska

An authentic Gemini. It’s said of Geminis that they baffle people with their intelligence and quick wit (Alaska can quote Simon Bolivar and make you laugh all in one breath). But she’s complex and contradictory—she can be the coolest friend, pulling out the stops with sage advice and contraband vino. But she can fall into a dark restlessness on a dime. And she’s full of initiative to start new activities and challenges, but does she have the consistency to finish them? Meh. (I still love her to bits.)


Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter

Frivolous? Deep under the frivolity? Sensible? Unpredictable? All clear indicators that Luna Lovegood was born and bred under the influence of Aquarius, that summery constellation in the northern hemisphere. They’re known for being unwavering (Luna will never be swayed re: Nargles). But a true Aquarius CAN change her mind if the empirical evidence consistently—and I mean very consistently—disproves her (Luna eventually conceded that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack does not exist :/ ). Other defining traits: She’s imaginative, tolerant, and curious (see: upside-down Quibbler). And last but not least, Aquarius’s signature color is… turquoise.

The Raven from The Raven

Ah, nevermore was there a bird so Scorpian as the Raven. Although lacking in Scorpio’s excellent advice-giving qualities on the surface, it could have cawed a reply to Edgar Allan’s poor lamentations if it wanted to (“Quoth the Raven, ‘Lenore’s gone for good, my dude.'”). But the rest of its traits are by the book: all the intensity, tranquility, and magnetism of a true Scorpio.

Do you agree, or agree to disagree?