Famous Quotes (Misremembered), PART 2

January 22, 2016January 22, 2016 by Andrew Tavin

As a Sparkficial Sparklife Splogger, I believe it is my responsibility to inspire all of you each and every day. That’s why I’ve strenuously researched some of the most significant figures in history for their greatest quotes. Now, I know that the last time we did this, we might have gotten a few of the words wrong, but I double pinkie swear that this time I’ve got them all right.

“You have enemies? Good. That means you stood up for something. Or that you act like a jerk at parties.” –Winston Churchill

“We must believe that we are gifted for something, and if it’s the wrong gift, just take it back to the store and return it for store credit.” –Marie Curie

“An eye for an eye makes the whole world some kind of weird, organ-based marketplace.” –Mahatma Gandhi

“The service you do for others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth, though the Internet costs extra.” –Muhammad Ali

“Experience is merely the name men give to their dogs. Now who’s a good boy? Are you a good boy, Experience? Oh yes you are! Oh yes you are!” –Oscar Wilde

“People generally see what they look for, and hear the song ‘Hotline Bling” played on repeat.” –Harper Lee

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Spend it controlling other people’s lives by playing The Sims on the newest Macbook available to you.” –Steve Jobs

“I attribute my success to this: I have the most Twitter followers of anyone I know.” –Florence Nightingale

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with buying the right snacks so you don’t get hungry during the trip.” –Lao Tzu

“If you want to lift someone else up, be sure to use your knees so you don’t throw out your back.” –Booker T. Washington

“Whatever is begun in anger, ends in a bunch of tweets you’re going to want to delete tomorrow.” –Benjamin Franklin

“Choose a job you love, or at least one where they buy the whole office lunch once a week.” –Confucius

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail better. Fail a third time? Stop. Get bubble tea instead.” –Samuel Beckett

“Who is the happier man? He who has braved the storm of life and lived, or he who did all of that and also made a Facebook album out of it?” –Hunter S. Thompson

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for Chris Hemsworth.” –John F. Kennedy

“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration, which is my way of explaining why that phonograph is so sweaty.” –Thomas Edison

“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is this really great doge meme I saw.” –Mel Brooks

“If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always want more, but if you look at someone else’s Instagram account, you’ll want to cuddle their dog.” –Oprah Winfrey