SparkNotes Blog

If the Characters From Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Could Text

In this day and age it’s surprising that anyone still bothers with face-to-face interaction. By now I was expecting our society to have done away with that lumbering dinosaur entirely. The fact that we haven’t is somewhat of an inconvenience to me personally, because then I have to put down my iPhone, tap into some primeval instincts, and remember how to make mouth words.

My point: texting is the way of the future, and we’re all better for it. Even fictional characters are better for it. I’ve stressed this point again and again (and again and again and again), so it should come as no surprise that I’m giving J.K. Rowling’s brand-spanking-new script book Cursed Child the texting treatment. It was bonkers and overly flamboyant and I loved every minute of it, but I think I would have loved it more if it had just been 500 pages of Harry sending Draco the poop emoji.

WARNING: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS. I’M TALKING SPOILERS GALORE. I’M TALKING SPOILERS FOR DAYS.