Homework help made hilarious.

blog banner

How to Get Over That College Rejection Letter

It’s your worst-case scenario: you’ve just been rejected by your dream school. You’re haunted by thoughts of what went wrong: was it the fact that you used an absurd and totally unjustifiable amount of interrobangs in your application essay?!!? (Maybe?!) Was it that you included the phrase “Kafka-esque” three times in your personal statement? (That probably didn’t help.) Was it your decision to name Harry Styles as your personal hero/pick for future president of the United States? (OH GOD WHY DID YOU DO THAT.)

Regardless of why you were rejected, it hurts—and it hurts A LOT. But as much as it may seem like it, it’s not the end of the world; you’re going to come out of this just fine, and the below tips will help.

If ever there was a time for comfort food, that time is NOW.  

Love Nutella? Here, take a truckload.  Obsessed with kale? Then A. Why are you this way, and B. The salad of your dreams awaits. If you’re feeling competitive, eat 66 M&Ms with chopsticks, and earn your place in history. Now your dream college has lost out on a world record holder. Sucks to suck, Yale.

Write a strongly worded letter (that you’ll never send).

A la Liz Lemon, be sure to tell that college what a monumental mistake they made. Don’t be afraid to get flowery with your word choice, and remember that righteous fury + IDGAF swagger +accusatory weeping is an unbeatable combo. Writing out your thoughts is a great way to process sadness and frustration, and to move on from a difficult experience—be it a college rejection, a breakup, or the fact that you missed the Hogwarts Express and then stole your best friend’s dad’s car and crashed it spectacularly into the Whomping Willow and the embarrassment is slowly eating you alive.

Remind yourself of the school(s) that DID accept you.

You may have been so laser-focused on your dream school that you didn’t pay attention to the awesome perks of your “back-up” schools. Maybe one has a renowned creative writing program, or a beautiful campus, or a really awesome social justice group. The more willing you are to truly consider the great qualities of these schools (and we promise you, there are plenty), the better the chance that you’ll fall in love with them.

You’re uh-mazing, and don’t you forget it. 

Is there anyone else who can hit every note of Sign of the Times, or recite entire paragraphs of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban from memory, or do a semi-good cartwheel? NOT HARDLY. It doesn’t matter whether or not you got accepted to your dream school—you’re still Hermione Granger/Rey/the real MVP, and you’re gonna be ok.

If all else fails, light that ‘ish up with fiendfyre.

Since this letter came into your possession, have any of the following happened?

Your hand kinda started to rot (gross, stop talking about it)

-You turned into Mean Ron Weasley and left your two best friends in a sad tent to die

-You started getting excruciating migraines and you’re low-key obsessed with Muggle murder and giant snakes

If you answered yes to any of the above, THAT LETTER IS A HORCRUX. Print it out, and then please, for the love of Dumbledore, stab it with a basilisk fang, destroy it with the sword of Grffyindor, or Avada Kedavra it POST-HASTE.

Were you rejected by your dream school? How did you cope?