This quiz was originally published in September 2016
I consider it an insult to my very personhood when an online quiz suggests that I might not know everything there is to know about Harry Potter. When I see the words “Only True Harry Potter Fans Can Ace This Quiz,” I am seized by a righteous fury, my eyes go black, and I click the link so hard I break every single one of my fingers. Try as I might to resist, I am powerless. I must answer the call. I’m being compelled by something greater than myself.
I’m guessing this is why you’re here. I’m sorry. Look, I have to make these quizzes if I want to continue living off a strict diet of Hostess snack cakes, and you have to take these quizzes if you want to confirm your trivia-based superiority over the witless masses. That’s just the way it is. We’re bonded by fate, not unlike Voldemort and Harry.