How Well Do You Know Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire?

This quiz was originally published in September 2016

I consider it an insult to my very personhood when an online quiz suggests that I might not know everything there is to know about Harry Potter. When I see the words “Only True Harry Potter Fans Can Ace This Quiz,” I am seized by a righteous fury, my eyes go black, and I click the link so hard I break every single one of my fingers. Try as I might to resist, I am powerless. I must answer the call. I’m being compelled by something greater than myself.

I’m guessing this is why you’re here. I’m sorry. Look, I have to make these quizzes if I want to continue living off a strict diet of Hostess snack cakes, and you have to take these quizzes if you want to confirm your trivia-based superiority over the witless masses. That’s just the way it is. We’re bonded by fate, not unlike Voldemort and Harry.

I’m sorrier still to inform you that there are three whole other quizzes you can take. We’ve got Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and… yep, there goes your whole day. I’m sorry about that, but this is bigger than all of us.

Now take this quiz if you dare. Not because you can, but because you must.