Kylo Ren may be on a disastrous journey of self-hatred and patricide in order to rule the galaxy using the full power of the Dark Side, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t looking for love. His actions are clearly a cry for help from his prison of loneliness, begging someone to fix all the little broken pieces of Kylo’s Grinch-sized heart. Sure, a relationship with a murderer/whine-aholic/evil Josh Groban-look-alike would have its problems, but what relationship doesn’t? Let’s take a stroll down romance lane and imagine just what your life could be like if Kylo Ren pulled out all the stops to invite you to prom.
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, instead of saying “Bless you” when you sneezed, he would calmly whisper, “May death take you, weakling.” He would tell you it was a traditional Knights of Ren response.
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, instead of a corsage, he would give you a planet that he had recently overrun for military purposes. “How sweet,” you would say, and then he would blow the planet up, yelling “THE LAST THING I AM IS SWEET.”
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, he would have a notebook with the word “FEELINGS” scrawled on the cover stashed away in the limo. When you peeked inside, you would just find the word “UGH” written on every single page.
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, he would take you dress shopping, and then drop it on you that he would also like to do a little light-saber shopping, seeing as you’re at the mall. He would pick up each model, pose, and ask, “Does this make me look like I’ll finish what my grandfather started?”
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, he would take you to the vast observatory deck on Starkiller Base on the way to prom. He would look out into space and say, “It will never be enough.” Then he would attempt to slash through the glass with his light saber. Luckily, it would have been altered to prevent such damage after a previous incident.
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke would invite you both to a pre-prom tea. It would turn into a long afternoon of Snoke glaring at Kylo while Kylo cried. General Hux would barge in and insist he be included.
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, he would ask you to fill out a survey on how you think the relationship is going throughout the night. The only options would be “good,” “great,” and “Poe Dameron-level fireworks.”
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, you would ask why he hid his face with a mask if he didn’t have a specific health reason for doing so, like Darth Vader. He would reply abruptly, “I’m not copying him. It’s not like I’m in love with him or something. You’re in love with him. Whatever.”
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, you wouldn’t let him to meet your parents, ~just in case~, instead offering to meet him out on the porch.
If your prom date was Kylo Ren, he would make you a mix CD with 29 tracks on it. 28 of the tracks would be Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift . The last track would be a voice memo reminding Kylo not to kill his father.
What kind of date do you think Kylo Ren would be? Is he a lonely teddy bear or a cray-cray angsty baby?