Is Your Celebrity Crush a Problem?

When it comes to crush fodder, Hollywood’s hottest celebrities are basically perfect in every way. They’re handsome, they’re talented, and they come in all kinds of multiple and various versions so that you never have to get bored with your choice. (Which Chris Evans shall we lust after today? The all-American Avenger version with the exquisitely waxed pectorals, or the scruffy, anguished, fish-stomping hero of Snowpiercer?) (IMPORTANT NOTE: YOU MAY SELECT BOTH.)

However, there is a point at which a healthy fantasy of celeb romance becomes a an unfortunate delusion—and a point still beyond that at which it becomes an awkward confrontation with the police and a felony charge for stalking.

How do you know when your crush has become something to worry about?

Sign #1: Your IRL relationships are suffering.

Don’t worry; we’re not saying you can’t spend the occasional Saturday night in, enjoying a soothing solo viewing of your celebrity boyfriend’s latest movie. But be wary of comparing actual human beings and romantic prospects to, say, the otherworldly characters in the incredibly smexy The Force Awakens. It’s fun to imagine sitting back to back with Poe in an TIIE fighter, but you shouldn’t be missing out on opportunities for real, actual relationships because you’re too busy doing romantic roleplay with a floor lamp dressed up to look like Kylo Ren. When you make an imaginary relationship the standard to which all others are supposed to measure up (i.e., Cap is the only person who truly understands you), you risk isolating yourself, and missing out on the joy, growth, and challenges of having a real romance with a person you can actually touch.

Sign #2: You’re sacrificing academics or hobbies at the shrine of your Fantasy Crush.

It’s okay to spend an afternoon decorating your bedroom with beautiful photographs of your celebrity beloved. Depending on how famous your celeb SO is, you might even be able to sleep underneath a duvet emblazoned with his face! But if your fever dreams of after-school action in the Slytherin Dungeon are interfering with your ability to concentrate on other things, you need to make a mindful choice to pay more attention to the rest of your life. And if you find yourself designing an indelible butt tattoo of your celebrity boyfriend’s likeness in the middle of math class, it’s time to step back, refocus, and reel in your imagination, ’cause it’s running a tad too wild. (Also, maybe just don’t decorate your butt, generally. Surely you have better things to do.)

Sign #3: You’re getting lost for hours in a virtual world.

Tumblr is everyone’s Room of Requirement, whether you need a place to salivate over sexypants Alexander Hamilton, or a forum exclusively devoted to worshipping Dylan O’Brien’s hands. But excessively checking your tumblr, Instagram, and Snap folders for new celeb fodder is bad for your soul. No, seriously: Too much social media (especially at night) has been linked to anxiety, sleep problems, lower self-esteem, and depression in teens.

Sign #4: You’re down in the dumps all the time because your fantasy romance will never be real.

If your celeb crush is starting to make you sad, it’s officially time to take a step back from pining. Romantic fantasies about unattainable famous people are supposed to be frivolous, ridiculous, and fun; if you find yourself sobbing on your closet floor because you’ll never actually get to lick Josh Hutcherson’s face, it’s time to at least temporarily shutter effyeahhutchersonsbutt.tumblr.com, go outside, and spend some quality IRL time with your quality IRL friends.

Sign #5: You’ve changed who you are.

I’m not talking about your enthusiasm for stitching your own Lycra Avatar jumpsuit at home, but the possibility that your behavior has taken a turn for the obsessive. If you’re considering doing something drastic to your appearance (pro tip: copying Miley Cyrus’ haircut doesn’t come with engagement to Liam Hemsworth included) or crash dieting to look more like the kind of person your crush is typically seen with, these are signs that you’ve taken the game too far.

Sign #6: You’re pondering something straight-up illegal.

This should be a no-brainer after The Bling Ring, but actively trying to intervene in your celeb crush’s life is the red flag to end all red flags. Trespassing, privacy-violating attempts at contact, or buying your crush’s illicitly-obtained toenail clippings on eBay are all the definition of NOT OKAY. And if you’re under the impression that your celebrity crush is in love with you, you have a diagnosable condition, erotomania, which puts you in company with celebrity stalkers.

I’m going to guess most of you side with reality on this last point. So how can you make the most of your ability to imagine yourself as a sexy, young Hobbit, and enjoy your celebrity fantasies?

When a celeb crush ISN’T a problem (yayyy!)

Go ahead, tiger: enjoy those candy-colored fantasies (or pen some private erotic fanfiction!) starring your celebrity, especially if your love life currently looks like the soundstage for a Western. According to the author of By Force of Fantasy: How We Make Our Lives, most daydreams are self-soothing and healthy, even the sexually-explicit ones. They let you play out new scenarios, including romantic encounters, at a stage in life where you might not be sure what you want, or whether you’re ready for it. In short, daydreaming can be a form of self-education as well as a fun escape.

Just, uh, don’t submit said erotic fanfiction to your English composition class.

And by all means, join the fandom for your celeb SO, so you can connect and gush over his adorable adorableness with fellow enthusiasts, and enjoy slow-mo frames of GIFs that are hot off the presses. Just be wary about rabbiting on about your celeb when your friends are rolling their eyes/running screaming from the room/faking their own deaths to avoid further conversation. And be ready to be disappointed, should you actually encounter your crush in the real world. Celebrities have their own flaws, idiosyncracies, and human foibles, and they often share a real distaste for the life-interrupting attention that comes with being famous. In other words, they’re people! Albeit people with ridiculously chiseled jawlines carved from pure granite mined on one of Jupiter’s moons.

Happy daydreams.

Have you found yourself in the grip of a powerful celeb crush? Has it stopped before you upholstered your bedroom to look like the inside of the Millennium Falcon?