SparkNotes Blog

It’s Finals Season at Hogwarts

This post was originally published on December 8, 2015, but we’re bringing it back because #finals.

Meanwhile, conversations overheard in the halls of a snowy, caffeinated Hogwarts…

Dumbledore: A small Christmas treat as a token of my gratitude for all you’ve done for me, Severus
Snape: Albus. You shouldn’t have… How did you even know I was running low on crumpets? I thought we agreed not to get each other anything! I’m gonna kill you
Dumbledore: Yeah can we talk

~

Cedric, finding Peeves making out with his own reflection: Bloody hell!
Peeves: Don’t even act like you’ve never done this before
Cedric: Yeah u right

~

Ron: Professor, do you know how long the final—
Snape: 10 points from Gryffindor
Ron: Really

~

Neville: In summation, I’ve theorized that Foxglove plants would be more medicinally useful if we pruned them early, as opposed to waiting like one would with the Tibetan Turnip.
Fred: What?
George: Yeah, what?

~

Trelawney: Did you get Snape a secret santa present yet?
McGonagall: Hell to the no

~

Harry: What’s wrong mate?
Ron, looking tortured: I forgot to study an entire chapter for the Astronomy test
Ron: Also Cormac made me eat a bubotuber and now I can’t feel my face

~

Ron: Can you square root a Mandrake
Hermione:

~

Crabbe, in the library: Do you ever think about how many owls per square kilometer there are at Hogwarts? So many owls, Goyle. Owls. So many. Do you?
Goyle: All the time
Crabbe: Really?
Goyle: No

~

Harry: Why isn’t there a vending machine in the library? I’m feeling snacky
Hermione: They were banned when Oliver Wood shoved a newt spleen into the coin slot

~

Hermione: I might just pour this frigging jar of ink all over my Potions final
Ron: YOU WON’T
Harry: YOU WON’T
Hermione: I won’t

~

Lavender: Why is Ron walking in circles around the statue of Merlin, holding a bottle of Advil and turning squirrels into ripe avocados?
Dean: Transfiguration final later
Lavender: Ah.

~

Harry: Happy Christmas, Professor!
Trelawney: I’m vegan
Harry: That’s not what I—
Trelawney: No Christmas hams for me, thank you kindly

~

Malfoy: You read my tealeaves for me and I’ll read yours
Cho: Okay, I see a pig
Malfoy: You’re looking at me
Cho:

~

Ron: Will you please help me with this essay, Hermione?
Hermione: Nope noepnoenp neop nopeoe nep enop nope nope
Ron: So a soft yes

~

Drop your finals-season Hogwarts fics in the comments!