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The SparkNotes Blog

Homework help made hilarious.

We Rank the Lord of the Rings Characters According to Dateability

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While some people had posters of Justin TimberlakeShane West, and Chad Michael Murray splashed across the walls of their room growing up, others of us chose to forego the Teen Vogue foldouts for life-size cutouts of Legolas, handmade collages of Aragorn, and etchings of Samwise the Brave.

But who of the strapping Fellowship of the Ring is the best candidate to be your #1 beau 4 life?

We rank the most eligible bachelors in Middle Earth from “more lembas bread” hot to “literally as hot as the volcanic insides of Mount Doom.”