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The SparkNotes Blog

Homework help made hilarious.

22 Other Things Tumblr Has Probably Decided to Ban

As most of you probably know, Tumblr—a longstanding fandom hub and the only place where I can post Stucky fanfiction without fear of judgment or acrimony—has decided to start cracking down on “inappropriate” content. This comes just days after the Tumblr app was removed from the Apple store and appears to be an attempt to get back into Apple’s good graces.

The upcoming ban has been met with backlash, owing mostly to 1) Tumblr’s decision to prioritize curbing nudity over, say, Nazism, a problem that has long plagued the site, 2) the adverse effects this policy will have against marginalized creators, and 3) Tumblr’s brand-new yet completely bonkers moderating system. Said system includes an offensively dubious definition of the word “nudity” and has so far flagged things like same-sex couples in non-sexual settings, Renaissance art, and Sebastian Stan’s ankles. To be fair, however, Sebastian Stan’s ankles are extremely provocative.

The ban won’t officially go into effect until December 17th, at which point we can expect Tumblr to become as squeaky clean and sexless as a classic Regency novel. As such, here are some other things Tumblr has probably decided to ban:

1. Taking a walk in the garden unchaperoned

2. Showing too much wrist

3. Unladylike deportment

4. Presuming too great a familiarity with someone you scarcely know

5. Accepting a gentleman caller

6. Vulgarity

7. Failing to guard against vulgarity

8. Asking someone to pass the potatoes directly rather than delegating this task to the host’s manservant

9. Dancing more than twice with the same man

10. Dancing with a man to whom you have not yet been formally introduced

11. Showing a blatant want of conduct

12. Failing to act shocked at the mention of bodily functions

13. Failing to acknowledge an acquaintance in a social setting

14. Failing to feign ignorance of your husband’s affairs

15. Public outbursts

16. Discussing commerce with women

17. Forcing oneself upon a man’s notice

18. Calling upon someone of a higher social standing without the proper clearance

19. Eating too quickly

20. Eating too slowly

21. Laughing loudly

22. General unpleasantness