Paradise Lost is not an easy read. It was written in the 1600s, it’s very long, and everything’s a metaphor for eternal sin. Besides, you probably think you know the story. Satan rebelled, God threw him out, Eve ate an apple, Jesus was somewhere.
Perhaps the worst thing about it, however, is that John Milton wrote it in INCOMPREHENSIBLE blank verse rather than the WHOLLY MORE ACCESSIBLE FORMAT of text messages. I mean, we can’t really blame him for being born hundreds of years before the advent of modern technology, but we can certainly mock him for it. (What a moron!)
Had Milton been born in a more now-ish time, here is what Paradise Lost would have looked like.