SparkNotes Blog

QUIZ: What Kind of Awards Show Speech Should You Give?

“Thank you, thank you! I’m so happy to be here! It’s an honor just to be nominated!” say LIARS. If you’re nominated for an award, but it an Oscar, a Grammy, or Most Likely To Finish Those Onion Rings, chances are you want to win. And when you do, you better have a speech prepared. But what kind? Will you be humble and gracious, funny and self-deprecating, sexy and slightly unhinged? Take this quiz to reveal your acceptance speech style!

1. When you’re called to the front of the classroom to give a presentation, you:

A. Pratfall on your way to the front of the room, compliment your teacher, then deliver a thoughtful powerpoint

B. Are filled with love and gratitude for your classmates’ full attention.

C. Deliver your talking points in as few sentences as possible, then make a  beeline back to your desk.

D. Take this moment in front of the class to publicly compliment your crush.

E. Are likely truant from class.

2. You ask your crush to a school dance and they accept! Your reaction:

A. Tell them how nervous you were to ask them in the first place then how great they are and how much you’re looking forward to the big event.

B. Hold back tears of relief, then nod and politely excuse yourself from the conversation.

C. Give a brief confirmation like, “Cool. Pick you up at 8.”

D. Cue the marching band you hired to play their favorite song in celebration.

E. Immediately lose interest and consider standing them up.

3. If you were a secret agent, what would be your greatest weapon?

A. Charm.

B. Ability to create a diversion.

C. Precision.

D. Fearlessness.

E. Aura of Mystery.

4. What Disney song best describes your worldview?

A. “Friend Like Me” from Aladdin

B. “Let it Go” from Frozen

C. “Hi Diddle Dee Dee” from Pinnocchio

D. “I Just Can’t Wait to be King” from The Lion King

E. “Part of Your World (Reprise)” from The Little Mermaid

5. What yearbook title are you most likely to earn?

A. Biggest flirt

B. Biggest Drama Queen

C. Most Quiet

D. Most Original

E. Worst Attendance

6. Where are you likely to be found at a party?

A. All over the place! You get along with most people, so you’ll be telling jokes, rubbing elbows, and mixin’ it up.

B. Picking out sentimental songs for the music playlist, becoming nostalgic for freshman year, telling everyone, “We’ll be at college soon! I’m going to miss you all SO HARD.”

C You’ll make an obligatory appearance—stop by the food table, make sure the host sees you, then split.

D. Probably at the center of the dance floor, showing off your one-armed push-up skills or doing the Worm.

e. Party? You’ll find something more useful to do with your time.

7. What Friends character do you most relate to?

A. Joey. He’s got some wacky ideas (mostly about food and dating), but everyone likes having him around.

B. Janice. She’s not beloved by all, but she is MEMORABLE.

C.  Gunther. He’s hard-working and soft-spoken.

D.  Phoebe. She’s quirky, unpredictable, and she’s a survivor.

E.  Denise. Phoebe’s sometimes-referenced-but-never-seen mystery roommate.

8. What was your favorite jam of 2016?

A.“Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars

B. “Hello” by Adele

C.  “Ex’s and Oh’s” by Elle King

D. “Watch Me” by Silento

E. None of the above. Pop music of 2016 is trite and you reject it.

Mostly As: The Silly Sweetheart

See: Jennifer Lawrence, Matthew McConaghey, Julia Roberts

You may do dumb stuff at the ceremony, like wipe out on your way to the podium or take a minute to thank yourself, but you general get a pass from audiences ’cause you’re so dang LIKABLE.

Mosty Bs: The Waterworks

See: Gwyneth Paltrow, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Hudson

You’re not afraid to admit you’ve hoped and dreamed about this moment for years. The orchestra can cool it because you’ve got a loooong list of people to thank, and you’ve earned it,DAMMIT! The tears start flowing when you mention your mother’s selfless love and they don’t stop till the second camera grip gets a sputtered shout-out.

Mostly Cs: The Quickie

See: Joe Pesci, Liz Taylor, Alfred Hitchcock

You know you done good and you don’t feel the need to blabber on to the academy. A simple “Thank You” will do.

Mostly Ds: The Exuberant Wildcard

See: Adrien Brody, Cuba Gooding Jr., Roberto Benigni

This win was a surprise to you, your mom, and the viewers at home, so you’re going to enjoy the HELL outta this one! You might do a backflip, a one-armed push-up, or lay a big ol’ kiss on the award presenter like it’s the last smooch you’ll ever have.

Mostly Es: The No-Show

See: Woody Allen, Marlon Brando

You’re sitting this one out for personal or political reasons.

Will you make sure to thank SparkLife no matter what?