The 50 Most Ron Weasley Things That Ron Weasley Has Ever Done

When he’s not playing second fiddle to the Chosen One, Ron is either eating, complaining, or firing off a snarky comment that he’ll later come to regret—which is to say Ron Weasley is every single one of us, in our heart of hearts. We are all Ron Weasley. Now, in the spirit of accepting that Ron Weasley is less a person and more a state of being, here are the most Ron Weasley things that old Roonil Wazlib has ever done, ranked in order of Ron Weasley-ness.

50. Was made a prefect, immediately forgot every single one of his responsibilities.

49. Got into Harry’s Chocolate Cauldrons like some sort of scavenging raccoon, wound up getting poisoned as an indirect result of his love for snacks.

48. Tried to perform a spell to turn Scabbers yellow, did nothing at all. In front of his future wife, no less.

47. Complained about being hungry while they were literally running for their lives.

46. Punched Malfoy in the face from under the Invisibility Cloak. (We’d all punch somebody if we were invisible, wouldn’t we? The world is peopled with extremely punchable scumbags.)

45. His Patronus is a Jack Russell Terrier.

44. When they broke into the Ministry of Magic, he assumed the identity of Reg Cattermole and was immediately relegated to menial janitorial work.

43. Failed his Apparition test by half an eyebrow.

42. Had to jinx the instructor to pass his driving test.

41. Didn’t think twice about it when his Spell-Checking Quill from Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes spelled dementors as “Dug-bogs.”

40. His ears turn red when he’s stressed.

39. Couldn’t get to Platform 9 3/4, decided the next logical step was to steal a car.

38. Sustained a bad bite from a magical dragon, tried to convince Madam Pomfrey it was a dog.

37. They pretended an attic ghoul was him with spattergroit, and everybody just… believed it?

36. Randomly asked Fleur to the Yule Ball and then fled the scene. Which, you know, I get.

35. Tried to hex Malfoy, wound up vomiting slugs.

34. Has a BIG BIG celebrity crush on Viktor Krum.

33. His favorite sports team is the worst of all the sports teams.

32. Has the emotional range of a teaspoon.

31. When he looked into the Mirror of Erised, the deepest, most desperate desire of his heart was to be all alone and better than everybody. (Same, my dude.)

30. Had a vendetta against a cat.

29. Owns a book about how to talk to the opposite sex.

28. Had a pet rat that he took with him everywhere. Turns out, rat’s a human.

27. Tripped over his own wand and knocked the wand out of Hermione’s hand. Considers this a successful Disarming.

26. Inadvertently called one of the examiners ugly during his O.W.Ls.

25. I don’t think Slughorn ever actually got his name right.

24. Told some Veela he’d invented a broomstick that would reach Jupiter.

23. Only made the Gryffindor Quidditch team on a technicality. Twice.

22. After he got his owl as a gift from Sirius—likely the first thing he’d ever owned that wasn’t a hand-me-down—his little sister saddled it with a name that sounds like syllabic barf.

21. His vocabulary. (“And what in the name of Merlin’s most baggy Y Fronts was that about?”)

20. Got secondhand dress robes for the Yule Ball. Tried to fix them. Made them worse.

19. Called a twelve-foot mountain troll “pea-brain” and threw a metal pipe at it.

18. Made sure to grab his Viktor Krum action figure when Death Eaters were trampling the campground at the Quidditch World Cup.

17. Got made a prefect, literally no one believed it.

16. His wand backfiring was the only reason he and Harry were able to escape Lockhart with their memories intact.

15. Made fun of Hermione. Accidentally locked her in a bathroom with a troll.

14. Decided to make out with his girlfriend in the midst of battle.

13. Their entire Divination class got extra homework because he decided to make a Uranus joke.

12. Hates spiders. Was suddenly faced with an army of giant talking spiders.

11. Too cowardly and scared of conflict to break up with his girlfriend.

10. Mouthed off to Snape in defense of his best friend (“Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?”), got his butt thrown in detention.

9. Drove a flying car into a tree, snapped his wand in half.

8. Saved Harry from death by Horcrux strangulation, had the gall to say, “Why the hell didn’t you take this thing off before you dived?”

7. Panicked with that whole Devil’s Snare thing. Became increasingly panicked when told not to panic.

6. Missed out on all the cool time traveling stuff with Sirius because he was unconscious in the hospital wing.

5. Started making out with Lavender just to have someone to make out with. Got attacked by a flock of canaries.

4. Came up with a bit of wizarding trivia at a pivotal moment; everyone was shocked.

3. Bad at talking on the telephone.

2. Makes quips in the midst of serious situations. (“IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I’LL KILL YOU HARRY!”)

1. Stuck by Harry through thick and thin. Said, “We’re with you whatever happens.” Which is the Ron Weasleyest thing a person can do.

This post=MAJOR FEELS. Did we miss any of the Weasleyest things that Ron has done?