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The 9 Stages of BLARGH Before a First Date

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It’s finally happening. Either through sheer luck, weeks of unrelenting stalking, or ACTUAL DARK MAGIC (sorry, Dumbledore), you’ve got yourself a first date. As the wise sages we are, we have been on a combined TWO first dates, and are therefore rife with knowledge about such things. Be warned, there is a whirlwind of emotional trauma headed your way. It will be a firestorm of feelings so tumultuous that it will make Harry’s fifth year at Hogwarts look like a minor brush with teenage hormones.