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The American Wizarding Houses Are HERE, Along With a Brand-New Sorting Test!

J.K. Rowling has officially unveiled the new American wizarding houses, so now if you live as I do in either New York City, LA, The South™, or Midwestern Exile, then you too can be a part of something! They are:

  • Wampus: represents the body, favors warriors
  • Horned Serpent: represents the mind, favors scholars
  • Thunderbird: represents the soul, favors adventurers
  • Pukwudgie: represents the heart, favors healers

No, the houses are not Splurknog, Fuddy Dudders, Puckle, or Wiffpot, as I previously speculated. This is a travesty, but we’ll soldier on. They are, however, exactly what that guy on reddit said they’d be after he delved into Pottermore’s coding all Die Hard 4-like and leaked them back in May.

On the one hand, my change-averse gut reaction is something akin to “STOP TRYING TO MAKE ILVERMORNY HAPPEN.” I am a Ravenclaw, dammit. That’s just how I feel in my heart of hearts. This is exactly like that time they tried to change the Zodiac signs and everybody just kind of rejected it. Besides, whenever J.K. Rowling borrows a little something from Native American folklore, I want to be like [WRONG BUZZER NOISE].

On the other hand, I thrive on categorical self-definition. I need to know how I’d die in a Shakespeare play and which Hamilton character I am. That’s why I’ll spend upwards of nine hours taking online quizzes rather than cleaning my apartment or doing anything even resembling getting my life together. And that’s why I swallowed my scruples, took the Sorting quiz, and got Horned Serpent.

J.K. Rowling also released a story detailing the long-awaited history of Ilvermorny. All we previously knew was that Ilvermorny is the least euphonic name of all time. Now we know that and MORE:

  1. Ilvermorny is located on Mount Greylock, the highest peak in Massachusetts.
  2. Ilvermorny was founded in the 17th century by a witch named Isolt Sayre, along with her husband James Seward and their adopted sons, Chadwick and Webster Boot.
  3. Isolt was a Parselmouth and a descendent of both Morrigan and Salazar Slytherin.
  4. James Seward was a Muggle.
  5. Isolt’s pure-blood but Muggle-friendly parents were murdered by Isolt’s aunt, Gormlaith Gaunt, who was a pure-blood fanatic and probably sounds familiar because MEROPE GAUNT, VOLDEMORT’S MOTHER. Isolt was then kidnapped by Gormlaith as a child.
  6. Isolt fled to America on the Mayflower, disguised as a boy. There she founded Ilvermorny and started a family.
  7. Isolt unknowingly created Ilvermorny using Salazar Slytherin’s wand, which she had stolen from her aunt. It had a Basilisk horn core.
  8. The Ilvermorny Sorting Ceremony involves standing on a symbol in the middle of the room. One of the enchanted wood carvings depicting the four houses will then select the student.
  9. A student may be selected by more than one house. When this happens, the choice belongs to the student. It’s kind of like The Voice.
  10. The robes of Ilvermorny are blue and cranberry.
  11. The names of the four houses were chosen by the four members of Isolt’s family; each used their favorite animal.

There’s some other stuff about revenge, a battle, and William the Pukwudgie, so go read the story and then get Sorted so we can talk about whether there’s any correlation with the Hogwarts houses. (Horned Serpent = Ravenclaw? Thunderbird = Gryffindor? Yes or yes?)

As if new wizarding houses weren’t enough, Barnes & Noble stores across the U.S. are preparing to celebrate the publication of The Cursed Child: Parts 1 & 2 with midnight release parties on July 31. Details here!