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If Holden Caulfield Could Text

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We all have opinions about Holden Caulfield. Is he just some obnoxious rich kid? Is he a lonely teenager who’s also depressed? The answer is likely closer to “actually he’s both,” but today I think we should set aside those questions in favor of what are, to my mind, the only questions that matter, and they are “What would it be like if Holden Caulfield could text? What would be his most oft-used emoji? Would it be the upside-down smiley face? Probably.”

I have been writing about fictional characters (and what it would be like if they could text) since what feels like the dawn of time. But no book has been requested more than The Catcher in the Rye, no character requested more than Holden Caulfield. I heard the call, my friends, and I answered.