The Last Career Quiz You’ll Ever Need

Choosing the right career is one of the biggest and scariest decisions you’ll ever make, and the internet is awash with quizzes claiming to help you find your path. But you can throw them all away because this, scientifically, is the only one you’ll ever need. You just have to promise to abide by the answers, okay?

1.What’s your favorite kind of sky?

A. Full moon

B. Clear blue

C. Sunset colors

D. Starlit

 

2.What Internet Thing are you most likely to click on?

A. Conspiracy Theories

B. Daredevil Stunts

C. Unlikely Animal Friends

D. THIS CELEBRITY SAID WHAT AWFUL THING?

 

3.What do you look for in a job?

A. Mental challenge

B. Adventure!

C. The feeling of giving back

D. Power over life and death (and job security)

 

4. You can’t stand

A. to start something without finishing it.

B. being told you can’t do something.

C. to see someone suffering.

D. the opinions of lesser minds.

 

5. Your Hogwarts house is

A. Ravenclaw

B. Gryffindor

C. Hufflepuff

D. Slytherin

 

6. Who you gonna call?

A. The cops

B. The cavalry

C. Your dog

D. All the spirits in heaven and hell.

 

7. Your weakness as a worker is:

A. You’re almost too driven.

B. You get bored easily.

C. You have a hard time saying no.

D. Stupid questions designed to get you to admit to a weakness you do not possess.

 

Your optimized future career is…

Mostly As: Detective Who Actually Did It. You’re going to make a good cop. Best on the force, even. But you’re also going to be haunted by the one case you can’t close. The criminal always seems to be one step ahead of you, taunting you, because (spoiler alert) IT’S BEEN YOU ALL ALONG.

Mostly Bs: Jetpack pilot. Up you go, into the wild blue yonder! The world needs more adventurers like you. “But wait!” You say. “Couldn’t I be a regular plane pilot or a race car driver or something slightly safer than strapping an engine to my fragile human back?” No. You couldn’t. You agreed to this before you took the quiz.

Mostly Cs: Ghost Doctor. With your sensitive, caring streak, you are perfectly suited to give poultices to poltergeists. The souls of the departed deserve medical care too, and hey, what’s the worst you could do to them? (Exile them to a dimension of eternal torment. Try not to do that.)

Mostly Ds: Genius scientist/wizard bent on world domination. With your towering intellect and ruthless streak, you are ideally suited to remake the world according to your whims. Few can stand against you, but keep your eye out for bands of plucky teenagers who try to oppose your will. They tend to sneak up on you.

So which of the four careers will you be taking up? And remember, these are your ONLY OPTIONS.