SparkNotes Blog

The LESSER-KNOWN Hogwarts Houses

Gryffindors are brave, Hufflepuffs loyal, Slytherins ambitious, and Ravenclaws smart. But if we’re being realistic here, four Houses doesn’t seem like enough to encompass the TONS of witches and wizards who inevitably transcend the personality traits of all the Houses. Where do they really belong? The answer, friends, lies in these lesser-known Hogwarts Houses:

Gorgondoff: You might belong in Gorgondoff if fancy cheese you seek / with fruit and toast to eat it on like a happy mouse you’ll squeak.

Gorgondoff was founded by Morgana Gorgondoff, a witch who used alchemy to create the most exotic and stinky of cheeses. Young wizards and witches sorted into Gorgondoff are said to have great taste but are somewhat lacking in smell. They love to entertain, and everyone knows that if you’re invited to their house, you’ll be well taken care of. They’ll also probably try to show you their stamp collection, but that’s simply the price you pay for good hospitality. Even if you invite a Gorgondoff to your place, they’ll be sure to bring something, probably cheese, though they might stay a little longer than they’re welcome. Just be straightforward and polite. They aren’t the best with subtlety.

Fangforous: You might belong in Fangforous if headphones trouble you / they get tied in knots, ceasing to work, but there’s nothing you can do.

Fangforous was founded by Devin Fangforous, a wizard who couldn’t keep his headphones from getting tangled when he was on summer vacation with his Muggle parents. He tried to develop a spell that would automatically untangle them, but his magic wasn’t well suited to Muggle technology. Fangforous is the house for young wizards and witches whose bedroom floors are covered in mangled, non-functioning headphones, and a variety of other miscellaneous objects. Fangforouses have learned to live with the mess in their lives. Whether they’re leaving clothes all over their floor or just accepting that their friend groups may forever be the center of drama, they have taken to disorder like a grindylow to water. The good news is, once you get over the difficulty of referring to your peers as “Fangforouses,” you can deal with pretty much anything.

Dragondork: Maybe Dragondork is more your style if you don’t leave your room / enjoying every single episode in the online TV boom.

When Sarah Dragondork was supposed to be attending the ceremony to open her Hogwarts house, she was instead in her room, binging on the three most recent seasons of Doctor Who. And yes, she did start Orphan Black the second she was caught up. If you’re sorted into Dragondork, your teachers already know that you’ll only be showing up for half your classes or so, because you haven’t left your bed as a result of staying up late the night before telling yourself that you were only going to watch ONE MORE EPISODE. You don’t go out much, but it doesn’t really matter because you’re exploring incredible worlds just on the other side of the screen. And when you run out of things to watch or read (it was bound to happen eventually), you’ll just write your own fan fiction, obviously.

Minozort: And Minozort is the one house that no one can forget / though they may try, their interactions leave you with regret.

Craig Minozort, founding wizard of the Minozort House, is the worst. Seriously. They’ll claim to know some fact, like what the state capitol of New Hampshire is, but then when you look it up on your phone and prove that it’s Concord, they’ll just say they knew it was Concord the whole time and YOU were the one claiming it was Portsmouth. Minozorts feel like they always have to be right. They never clean up but always complain about how dirty it is. If Voldemort had only gone after Minozorts, no one would have really minded.

Drakkendoge: Finally there’s Drakkendoge when you need great memes now / such images with words on top to make you say much wow.

Dara Drakkendoge was the witch who created the “doge meme.” Depending on your outlook, that either makes her the most noble source of magic since Albus Dumbledore, or the new Dark Lord. Drakkendoges are creative risk-takers, and ready to provide the means of communication for the new millennium, including, but not limited to, inclusion of the “100” emoji in howlers. It’s been rumored that they’re able to read a letter, write a response, and send it via owl in under ten seconds flat.

If you could create your own House, what would it look like?!