The Lord of the Rings Taught Me Everything I Know About Friendship
The Lord of the Rings has taught me countless life lessons: Aragorn is the perfect man, braids are timeless, and ALWAYS double check if there’s a faster way to do something. And on top of all these gifts of knowledge, LOTR is also basically a handbook for friendship excellence. Through the trilogy, the fellowship are torn apart physically, emotionally, and Gollum-ly, but end up stronger than ever (well, except for Boromir). And if their friendships can survive the ravages of wars, Orcs, and NEVER ANY SHOWERS, I feel reassured that mine will live to see another day despite me taking the last Oreo in the pack without asking. So gather round, ye hobbits, and learn from wiser, big-footed men than us.
Time spent apart can help you both grow as people, and bring you even closer together when you’re reunited.
Whenever a friend of mine moves away or we get too busy to see each other as much, I remember the way best buds, Merry and Pippin, went their separate ways for a time. Merry seeks a life of adventure and war, while aspiring minstrel and homebody Pippin knows that if American Idol would just listen to his audition tape, he’d be sure to get through to the next round. They both go through their fair share of struggles and trials on their own, but when they find each other again, it’s as though not a day has passed. They’ve both learned a lot about themselves, but remember just how lucky they are to have each other as a friend.
Common interests can be the first step toward friendship awesomeness.
If it feels like you are miles apart from someone, whether separated by the White Mountains or just on opposite sides of an argument, see if you can find a common interest. Strong friendships can be built on a shared passion, like Legolas and Gimli’s mutual excitement for killing Orcs. If we’re being perfectly honest, most of my friendships have started with me ranting about Harry Potter, Game of Thrones, Star Wars or some other fandom and the other person not walking away. THAT’S A FRIEND.
Apologies are important, but a true friend will understand that everyone has bad days.
All friends fight. No one’s perfect, and you’re bound to say something you regret at some point or another. And while admitting you were wrong will mean a lot to a friend, someone who really knows you will never hold a grudge.
As they say, it takes two to quarrel, but only one to stop, and even though Legolas WAS TOTALLY RIGHT TO DESPAIR WHEN GANDALF WENT MIA, he didn’t need to rub their probable demise in Aragorn’s face. (Not in front of the soldiers, sweetie.) It wasn’t helpful to anyone.
So, where did we land? Even when you’re right and everyone around you is probably going to die, still be nice to your friends. Yeah, that’s what I learned.
Be there for each other when things get hard.
WOOF. If anyone knows this, it’s dear ole Samwise Gamgee. I mean, he is really doing the heavy lifting in this friendship. It’s obviously better if it’s a give and take, and one person isn’t constantly trying to keep the other from falling into everlasting darkness. But, when a friend really needs you, being there to support them can make all the difference. Some friendships are worth the work. Not all of them, but I think you can spot a Gollum when you see one.
Always support your friends’ endeavors. They’ll appreciate it more than you know.
Sure, going to your friend’s one-woman play about her journey from Team Jacob to Team Edward may not sound like the best night of your life, but she’ll be so grateful to see a friendly face after the performance. In everyday life, you may not always get the chance to tell your friends how much you appreciate them, but showing up for them when they’re taking a risk or challenging themselves is a great way to let them know you care.
We depend on friends for words of encouragement, so give them often!
Pep talks can’t fix everything, but they sure can remind someone of the good when they’re focused on the end of the world. Perspective is an important gift that a friend can give when someone is drowning in their own cyclical and self-harming thoughts. When you find yourself lost for words, just lean in and whisper, “You have my axe.”
Honesty is important, but so is a sense of humor.
It’s very hard to have a functioning friendship without honesty, but that doesn’t mean you can’t liven up a dire situation with some levity. The best of friends will be able to tell you how it is, but also help you deal with that reality.
Are you friendships blossoming into fields of love and trust? Did you learn another lesson of friendship from LOTR that we didn’t mention?
