Dating is weird, because the two of you are either going to be great together or you’re going to crash and burn right into the side of Break-Up Mountain. Online dating companies will tell you they’ve worked out a compatibility algorithm to avoid that lamentable second outcome as much as possible, but they are lying. I know this because I once got a 100% compatibility rating with a guy who didn’t eat dessert.
No, the only true way to figure out if your relationship is going places is to figure out your respective Hogwarts houses, and then plan accordingly.
People think Gryffindors and Slytherins can’t be friends, much less lovers who hang out in sexy, non-platonic contexts, but those people are wrong. Gryffindors and Slytherins have much more in common than most people think. They’re both audacious and confident and will likely be the alphas of their individual friend groups. While both houses dream of greatness, the Slytherin’s characteristic cunning nature will balance out the Gryffindor’s fiery temper and general “act first, think later” outlook. Both are seeking external validation and tend to bore easily, which is why a Gryffindor and a Slytherin make such a good match—to avoid monotony, they’re both usually up for anything.
When they’re not making out, they’re typically making fun of each other with some well-placed barbs—but they are both secure in the knowledge that, underneath it all, the other person really cares.
A relationship between a Hufflepuff and a Ravenclaw is a slow burn, but one that’s ultimately totally worth it. They’re both curious, easygoing, and open-minded, and both houses oppose the drama involved with conflict and risk-taking.
They pride themselves on their excellent communication skills and sensible practicality, but throw some romance feelings into the mix and each will melt into a socially awkward puddle of ungainly ineptitude. Luckily for them, this happens on both sides of the equation; both the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are capable of recognizing this quality in others and finding it endearing.
Of all the houses, these are the two that would flourish in a long-distance capacity if they had to. Gryffindors are passionate and direct, Hufflepuffs are honest and kind, and both are fiercely loyal. There is an undercurrent of consideration and understanding in this particular relationship unmatched by any other. They’ve got that “communicate with but a simple raised eyebrow or a slight head nod” thing down pat. In fact, their level of devotion gives you the sense that they could withstand any and all trials. It’s kind of gross, actually. In an adorable sort of way.
This one might be a tempestuous relationship, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t work out. At the root of the problem is that Ravenclaws tend to be complacent. They value knowledge for the sake of knowledge and are happy enough to be in their own little world. Slytherins, on the other hand, are always striving for better, always reaching higher. They value knowledge for what it can do for them personally. A Slytherin might, for instance, push a Ravenclaw to succeed, while a Ravenclaw is perfectly content to remain where they are.
All in all, a relationship between a Slytherin and a Ravenclaw is a delicate balancing act that requires compromise. If they can learn to navigate one another’s needs and goals, however, they’ll be a power couple the likes of which Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston could only dream of.
What Hufflepuffs lack in cutthroat ambition they more than make up for in loyalty, which is like the backbone of Slytherin House. In fact, Slytherin’s stalwart loyalty is often overshadowed by the cleverness and drive that colors their reputation, but what marks a Slytherin is how devoted they are to those they consider their own.
There might be discord in the relationship, but Slytherins and Hufflepuffs bring out the best in each other more often than not. Though Slytherins tend to be shrewd, they don’t direct this Machiavellian behavior at their Hufflepuff companions and see themselves as one-half of an equal partnership above all else.
The problem is that the trajectory of a relationship between a Gryffindor and Ravenclaw would be, in most cases, predictable and actually quite straightforward. Gryffindors are open and direct about their emotions while Ravenclaws tend to be more reserved, leaving the Gryffindor half of the couple to wonder if the Ravenclaw even cares at all.
Another issue is that Gryffindors and Ravenclaws simply want different things. It’s not that Ravenclaws don’t want to help people or that Gryffindors don’t care about learning; it’s simply that these aren’t their primary objectives. Their motivations are just incongruous. A relationship could take off, of course, but it wouldn’t be without effort.
A relationship between two Hufflepuffs would be an unmitigated disaster of niceness. Think Jane Bennet and Charles Bingley levels of utter, maddening unwillingness to make the first move. A Hufflepuff’s flirting style, when invoked in the presence of a fellow Hufflepuff, can best be described as “FRANTIC MID-CONVERSATION JAZZ HANDS FOR NO REASON OTHER TO BREAK UP THE AWKWARD SILENCE.” At best, they acknowledge their shortcomings and make things work regardless. At worst, the relationship is just rife with miscommunication and the two will grow to resent each other.
A not insignificant portion of any relationship is chemistry, and boy do Gryffindors have that in spades. They fight and make-up with equal amounts of passion. The flip side is that their relationship tends to be one characterized by love and hate with some jealousy thrown in there just for the drama of it all. Of all the houses, an affair between Gryffindors is most likely to go out not with a fizzle but with a bang, but it’s also the most likely to be reborn like a phoenix from the ashes.
A relationship between Ravenclaws might blossom out of a mutual affinity for certain things, like TV shows, books, or music. In fact, the two will have so much in common that they could mistake this for romantic compatibility when that isn’t always necessarily the case. Ravenclaws are imaginative, open-minded, and individualistic, and they don’t always require affection or validation. For this reason, it might take them a while to figure out the relationship isn’t actually working, and that they’re better off as friends.
A Slytherin/Slytherin relationship could be terrible, or it could be the greatest thing ever. They thrive on hating or opposing things together, and will always seek to present a unified front. They drive one another to be the very best they can be because they consider themselves two halves of a single entity. When two Slytherins argue, it is terrifying. Their voices get low and scary and they will cut you down to the marrow using only their words. But when they are on the same page, watch out. We’re talking Frank and Claire Underwood levels of mutual ambition. They will rule the world.