Valentine’s Day was easier in elementary school. Everyone got 25 cards no matter what, and you could eat half your weight in Dove chocolates without giving it a second thought.
Nowadays, things aren’t so cut-and-dry. If you’re single, you get to watch everyone else receive gifts. If you’re with someone, you get to stress out about giving them a gift that doesn’t suck. I can’t really help you with either of those things, but what I CAN do is this: reassure you that however you’re doing Valentine’s Day, at least know you’re doing it better than the following fictional characters whose idea of romance is dubious at best.