Presenting… Your Horoscope for the ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR

It is time once again to go BACK TO SCHOOL, and if you are a regular human person, the thought of doing homework, showering more than once a week, and just generally being alive in public can be daunting indeed.

But you are nothing if not highly capable (kind of!), medium-level confident-ish, and full of spectacular potential, and we fully believe that you’re going to grab this school year by the shoulders and kiss it right on its gourddamn face. (We admit that that metaphor may have gotten away from us).

To help you in your quest, we’ve compiled scientifically proven, semi-accurate astrological deets for all y’all, from your best qualities and your personal mantra, to your style inspo and your goals. So get to clickin’, because the best case scenario from reading this slideshow is that you become a better person and your year is UH-MAZING, and the worst case scenario is that you get to see a lot of hilarious gifs and your laughter distracts you from the bleak and unavoidable reality that school is starting any second and you are going to be late AF to Chemistry class. IT’S A WIN-WIN.

Start the slide show