What Your Hogwarts House Says About You as a Person

There are many things we know to be true of a person based on their Hogwarts House. The Sorting Hat says a lot of stuff about bravery and intelligence and loyalty and ambition, but if we’re being totally honest here, it neglects to mention the stuff that really matters. Stuff like…

If you’re in Gryffindor…

• You usually wind up being the reluctant leader in group projects.
• You talk during movies. Not too much, but hey, you’ve got stuff to say.
• You always offer to drive.
• You are a procrastinator of the “finishes homework literally while the teacher is collecting it” variety.
• You can braid your hair without your arms getting too tired.
• You give off a “just woke up” vibe, no matter what time it is or how long you’ve actually been awake.
• You’re not fussy about it, but given the choice, you like your pizza to have TOPPINGS.
• You usually wind up ordering first at restaurants when the waiter says, “Okay, who’d like to start?”
• You’re one of those people who actually tries in gym class.
• You call your friends’ parents by their first names.
• You set multiple alarms for yourself every morning (and sleep through them all).
• You’ve given some thought to how you would fare in the zombie apocalypse and have a roughly outlined survival stratagem.
• You may not like Taylor Swift as a person, but you know every single lyric.
• You like to read and you wish you had more time to do it, but instead you spend your days looking for something to watch on Netflix and not finding anything.
• Secretly, you love when people cancel plans at the last minute. This frees you up for sitting on the couch eating Doritos by yourself.

If you’re in Hufflepuff…

• You always offer to drive, and you don’t accept gas money.
• You check not only your horoscope, but also your friends’ horoscopes.
• You immediately change into comfy clothes the SECOND you get home.
• You typically text back right away.
• You routinely sit in the back of the class so you can doodle.
• You watch a lot of reality cooking shows, despite not knowing a single thing about cooking.
• You always say “That’s okay” when it is not, in fact, okay, which you know you shouldn’t do, but you’re trying to stop.
• When people see you chewing gum and ask if they can have some, you give it to them, instead of lying and saying that was your last piece.
• You have a lot of plastic bags under your sink. You don’t know what you’re saving them for, but definitely something.
• You always tip 20%, even if the food took two hours to make and the waiter poured water in your lap.
• You are good at letting go of grudges.
• You always plan to save your leftovers for tomorrow but instead eat them almost immediately once you get home.
• You like all the posts on the Old Friends Senior Dog Sanctuary Facebook page.
• You help people with their homework by explaining the problem instead of just giving them the answer.
• You refrain from discussing spoilers for at least a week after the episode airs.

If you’re in Ravenclaw…

• You’re impossibly skilled at packing suitcases.
• You hate dog-earing pages and you hate people who have the gall to be dog-earing pages in front of you.
• You organize your books and movies by genre.
• You name your pets after fictional characters.
• You’re usually the first person to finish a test, though you often wonder if this means you did something wrong.
• You wait multiple hours to text back, and then forget to do it entirely.
• Your Instagram is full of pictures of the books in your “To Be Read” pile.
• You sometimes correct people’s grammar in casual conversation—if not out loud, then at least in your head.
• You spend way too long in the shower getting lost in thought.
• Your enjoyment of a movie depends largely on whether it was true to the book.
• You are often the person in group projects who does all the work.
• You obsessively track your online purchases until they have been delivered.
• You always prefer to be wearing big sweaters, no matter what the weather is doing.
• You lie awake at night picturing scenarios in your head that will never happen, to the general detriment of your sleep schedule.
• People know you as a bookworm, but there are certain classics you haven’t ever read. This is your darkest secret.

If you’re in Slytherin…

• You’re both offended and relieved when a stranger chooses not to sit next to you on public transportation.
• You will eat the last cookie with no regrets.
• You have, in the past, seen fit to mute the group chat.
• You’re either very early or very late. There is no in between.
• You’re the kind of person who checks their email at parties.
• You have an incredibly firm handshake, the kind people both fear and respect.
• You judge people’s Instagram photos on the basis of “trying too hard.”
• You’re very good at knowing when a meme has been played out.
• If you promised to wait and watch the latest episode with someone, you sometimes watch it by yourself anyway (but you’ll always watch it again with them later).
• You enjoy playing Monopoly, no longer how many hours it takes to determine a winner.
• You would never commit a crime, but you have thought about how you would hide a body if you had to.
• You have formed multiple friendships based on mutual dislike for another person.
• You’re always the one who justifies lavish spending with a shrug and a casual “treat yo self.”
• Cats love you, despite not being a cat lover yourself.
• You re-take personality quizzes until you get the answer you’re looking for.