Gone are the days of calling someone a greasy tallow-catch or a plague sore. In the modern age, we make do with slanderous put-downs like “moron” or “idiot,” and we follow it up with the appropriate emoji.
But personally, I yearn for a simpler time—a time when insults meant something. A time when you could call a man out for being a bawdy canker-blossom and have him soundly beheaded for his hubris. Are you with me on this? Yeah? Then let’s find out what kinds of verbal abuse YOU would’ve been flinging at unruly palace knaves.