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Summary
Part Three, from “In my small, tidy room...” to “...”
Content Warning: The below contains references to self-harm.
Charlie contemplates Felix’s critique that her drawings lack emotion. Looking for inspiration, she remembers Louisa’s composition books and starts to read. Felix gives her a studio in the stable, and there, Charlie begins drawing her life as a comic book. After a few days, her story feels finished and she begins speaking again. She strips off her own clothing, grateful to be rid of her overalls and borrowed T-shirts. She sits in the cold mountain air wrapped only in a blanket listening to Linus, Tanner, and Felix inside, who feel like her family. Linus takes her shopping, but Charlie rejects overalls and denim, preferring soft cotton shirts and skirts. After a few days, they leave Felix’s house and return to Tucson. Along the way, Charlie apologizes for not asking Linus about her life. Linus says she hopes that helping Charlie might atone for some of the ways she neglected her own children, and she assures Charlie that her mother loves her and wishes she could be kinder to her. Charlie walks up to her apartment to find that Blue has fully repainted and renovated it, now that she is sober and wants to stay that way. Blue has been piecing together the photos Wendy tried to destroy and apologizes for the way she acted at the rehab center. She says she would like to be friends if Charlie can accept her. Charlie believes that Blue is sincere, and they hold each other.
When she returns to work, the night staff at True Grit welcome Charlie back, and Julie tells her about everything that happened while she was away. Both she and Charlie express feeling guilty for enabling Riley. Charlie then shares the ideas she and Linus have for revamping True Grit with new bakery items, fresh paint, and Linus’s artwork on the walls. As time passes, Charlie keeps herself busy working, creating, and going to recovery meetings. Blue gets Charlie a laptop and sets her up with a Facebook account. This leads Charlie to reconnect online with Evan, who shares the news that he is clean and sober and that Seed House has been raided and shut down. One day, Charlie finds a phone number next to Riley’s name in Julie’s office and calls him. An automated voice on the line lets Charlie know that the number belongs to a rehab facility, and Charlies confronts Riley about how he made her feel. Riley seems apologetic, but hangs up, unable to talk. Charlie’s anger towards him makes her want to hurt herself, but she fights her way through the impulse.
One day, Felix calls Charlie at True Grit and asks her to work with him as his assistant. She is to meet him in New York and fly back with him to Santa Fe. Blue is sad to see her go, and they promise to stay in close contact and to be family to one another. Julie and Linus convince Charlie to see Riley perform at the benefit concert, where Riley has asked to make amends. At the show, Mikey gives Charlie Ellis’s address. He tells her Ellis is not well, but she is alive, and she can respond to clear, direct communication. Backstage, Charlie watches the show with Julie and Linus. Riley, wearing an alcohol monitor, introduces a song that he wrote for Charlie and slips her a note. He then covers the song “You’re the One that I Want” with a country twist, a suggestion from Charlie, who got the idea from Ellis. On the plane to meet Felix, Charlie reads Riley’s note of apology, signed with his real name, Irwin David Baxter. As the plane takes off, Charlie thinks about what she will write to Ellis to update her about the future she imagines for herself.
Analysis
Charlie may never stop loving Riley, but by the novel’s end, she no longer needs him. Riley knew that Charlie was traumatized and he used that knowledge to his advantage. Her experiences made her vulnerable and needy, so he was able to use her to further his habit, keep his secrets, and feed his ego. The electric connection Charlie feels for him is equal parts charisma, sexual chemistry, and longing. Combined with her desperate need to be loved and her conviction that girls like her are unlovable, these feelings exert a powerful influence over Charlie’s psyche. She knows the trouble these feelings spell for both of them, and, against her better judgment, she drinks, fetches his drugs, and keeps his secrets. But she still tries to carve out a space for herself and her talent. It is important to Charlie that she confront Riley in rehab because she needs him to acknowledge the damage he has done. His performance of the song he wrote for her and the cover she suggested finally give her the acknowledgment she deserves, no strings attached.
Charlie’s new life in the American Southwest introduces her to some important artistic mentors, who help her see the connections between emotions, communication, and art. Ariel encourages Charlie to speak, giving her the freedom to assess artwork and trust her gut. Tony gives her a venue and shows her that her hard work can offer greater rewards than the coffee shop does. By introducing her to other artists, Tony gives Charlie an education in living that allows her to apply what she reads to real people and their work. Finally, Felix teaches Charlie the value of silence, something she has only used as a form of self-protection from extreme psychological distress. Casper and others have encouraged her to communicate her experiences aloud as a way to move past trauma, but Felix suggests that quiet contemplation is an artist’s most valuable tool, a lesson Charlie is uniquely equipped to apply.
Blue’s arrival in Tucson speeds up the inevitable breakdown of Charlie and Riley’s relationship, but she is also a necessary part of Charlie’s recovery support system. When Charlie returns home, ready for a fresh start, she worries that Blue’s addiction may derail her. As she sees the freshly painted apartment entryway and their room’s new furniture and décor, she realizes that she and Blue have a similar perspective on how to move forward. Blue’s maturity and access to money make it possible for her to improve their immediate environment in ways Charlie never could. However, these improvements make the space more hers than Charlie’s, signaling that, while Blue’s recovery will continue in Tucson, Charlie’s will unfold somewhere else. Despite this, the comfortable new space brings the two young women together, with Blue acting as a surrogate mother for Charlie upon her return. Vowing to be family to one another makes them both stronger and gives them the courage to move forward together, even if their paths diverge.
Nick and Shelley on the plane give Charlie a different perspective on Riley’s farewell than what she experiences firsthand. The thought of seeing Riley again is so overwhelming that Charlie initially refuses to attend. The sight of him, a little heavier, skin clear and taut, shows her how sick he had been. The fact that he quit smoking, along with his alcohol-detecting ankle monitor and the slight tremor in his hands, show her how hard he is trying. He makes amends to Charlie both indirectly through his music and directly with a handwritten apology signed with his real name. Given her feelings, all of this might tempt Charlie to remain in Tucson and sacrifice the tremendous opportunity Felix offers her. But Shelley’s romantic idolization of Riley reminds Charlie of who he really is, a character in a play of his own making. The song he wrote for her was born not out of love or tenderness, but out of pain and addiction. And Charlie has her own life spread out before her.
