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Summary
Part Two, from “The next morning...” to “...I take a bite”
Content Warning: The below contains references to self-harm and drug use.
Charlie browses the local library’s art section and reads Casper’s reply to her email. In it, Casper says she is disappointed but not surprised that Charlie’s mother was not able to keep her. She warns Charlie to stay focused and to not get overconfident. After work, Mikey takes her to a party, and she imagines it could be a date. She lets herself get lost in the music and the crowd, and Riley sneaks up behind her just as Mikey introduces Bunny, his girlfriend. Devastated that Mikey isn’t single, Charlie gulps down beer after beer before leaving the party. Mikey, realizing that she loves him, goes after her to make sure she is okay, and they kiss for a moment before Mikey pushes her away and leaves. All night, Charlie tries desperately not to cut herself. She hides her tender kit and stays up all night drawing.
The next day, Charlie emails Casper to confess what happened the previous night and also emails Blue, who she knows will understand how she feels. Mikey is waiting for her with some food when she gets back to her apartment. He tells her that he doesn’t want anything to happen to her, but that he is happy with his new life in Tucson and his relationship with Bunny. Part of the reason he went away for college was that he couldn’t stand the immature jealous drama she and Ellis used to display. Later, Charlie agrees to meet Mikey at an art gallery event. Ariel is at the event, and she introduces Charlie to the artist Tony Padilla. Ariel also invites Charlie to join her summer art classes for free.
When Charlie gets home, she finds a note from Riley asking her to wake him up in the morning. She does so, and when she asks about his music career, he explains that his ego and addiction got in the way of his band’s success. At the coffee shop, a woman named Bianca asks for money she is owed. Charlie doesn’t understand exactly what is going on, but it seems like a business transaction. Business is bad, so Linus is worried that the shop can’t pay. Riley writes Bianca a check, which Bianca suspects will bounce, and then he goes out back to vomit, asking Charlie to keep his sickness a secret from Linus. Looking at his shaking hands, Charlie considers telling Linus, but then she remembers failing Ellis, so she keeps her mouth shut. Riley rewards her with an egg sandwich and a broken cookie.
Casper replies to Charlie’s email with a list of local resources and a stern warning that Charlie must not allow herself to backslide, leading Charlie to decide that Casper can’t help her. Blue’s email is more hopeful. Blue is about to be released, although she says that Louisa has taken a turn for the worse. Charlie encourages Blue to come to Tucson and sends her love to Louisa. Things in Tucson begin to sour. Charlie visits an art store, but uncertain she’ll even be able to pay her rent, she leaves without buying anything. Julie is gone on a retreat, and Riley is drinking excessively on the job in her absence, but Charlie doesn’t tell Linus how bad it’s gotten. Mikey tells Charlie he will be away from Tucson for three months for work. He tells her that he thinks she is good for Ariel and reveals that Ariel lost her son to a drug overdose. Mikey encourages her to take Ariel’s class, but Charlie is noncommittal, prompting Mikey to accuse her of being a “cold fish,” a phrase she takes to heart.
Analysis
Charlie and Mikey struggle to come to a mutual understanding about their relationship, and this disconnect makes it harder for Charlie to open up and explain what she needs. From Charlie’s perspective, Mikey’s actions send mixed signals. His visit to the rehab was a seemingly romantic gesture, and his invitation for her to come to Arizona seems to confirm to Charlie that he is romantically interested in her. But once she is in Tuscon, he leaves her alone and without resources. Although Mikey has done far more than anyone else for her, including her mother, what he offers is still a very thin safety net for a newly released psych patient. When Mikey is around he offers Charlie advice, but he tends to be patronizing about it and does not offer creative alternatives. Part of this gap in their understanding is that Charlie has trouble talking about what she has been through. When Ellis was alive and they all lived in Minnesota, Mikey was so fixated on Ellis that he failed to notice everything going on in Charlie’s life. Now, Charlie feels the pattern repeating, with Mikey in love with Bunny as Charlie pines for him. This encourages Charlie to keep walls up around her experiences, which makes it harder for Mikey to recognize the trauma she has experienced.
After drinking, Charlie reaches out to Casper for advice, but Casper’s response highlights the limits of their relationship. Casper sends impersonal advice, including a cautionary note about the legalities of the patient-doctor relationship. This is a stark contrast from the warm and almost maternal role Casper assumed when Charlie was at the rehab center, and it reminds Charlie of everything she wants but doesn’t have. Blue’s reply, by contrast, feels more meaningful because she and Charlie have similar experiences and goals and will have to face the real world together. It has been a long time since Charlie shared a secret that was not shameful, and even longer since she laughed. Still, the development is not entirely positive because Blue and Charlie could lead one another to backslide as easily as they could help each other recover.
Charlie has always found solace in drawing, but in Tucson she focuses on art on a deeper level. Ariel encourages her to voice her thoughts and this offers Charlie a new way to communicate, a skill she struggles with. Like communication, art requires collaboration with others. Drawing alone late into the night may feel temporarily satisfying, but the journey toward mastering a craft shared with others has rewards that can help Charlie move past her trauma.
Charlie’s feelings toward Mikey are an extension of the longing she has for her deceased father, her comatose best friend, and her dream of future happiness. Charlie’s sense of loss is therefore heightened when Mikey doesn’t return her feelings. Instead of reframing her thoughts, as Casper would recommend, she chooses to redirect her feelings, including the longing she feels for Mikey, toward Riley. However, this shift in her attention makes her reliant on someone who views the relationship as transactional. Riley’s expectation is that Charlie will help him keep his life in order by waking him up on time and concealing his drinking. In exchange, he will provide her with food, a basic necessity, making her more dependent on him than he is on her. Feeling that she owes him for her job, and viewing their interaction as a way to redeem her past failed relationships, Charlie accepts this arrangement.
