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Plants need to be loved the right way in order to survive. So do humans. We rely on our parents from birth to love us enough to keep us alive. And if our parents show us the right kind of love, we turn out as better humans overall. But if we’re neglected…
Atlas’s comparison in Chapter Eight of humans and plants, which rests on the idea that both of these living beings require the correct nurturing in order to survive, explains why Lily finds herself in an abusive marriage. In being forced to witness and even participate in her parents’ abusive marriage, Lily is raised in a way that negatively affects her ability to find healthy love as an adult. Despite knowing the signs of abuse, Lily is highly vulnerable to finding herself in a similar situation as her mother, as children often repeat cyclical familial patterns. Atlas and Lily understand each other deeply because they both have experienced neglect or abuse during their childhoods.
For the most part, I hate men because the only example I have is my father. But spending all this time with Atlas is changing me. Not in a huge way, I don’t think. I still distrust most people. But Atlas is changing me enough to believe that maybe he’s an exception to the norm.
Throughout It Ends with Us, Atlas stands as a beacon of light and hope, ensuring Lily that good men, who are divested from the cycles of abuse that are so rampant in many families and relationships, exist. Despite being a victim of abuse himself, Atlas is always kind and loving, and he shows Lily that one’s past, however traumatic, does not need to dictate their future. From Lily’s teenage years through her mid-20s, Atlas remains consistent in being a trustworthy figure that Lily can rely on. This quote from Chapter Eleven shows hope that together, they will be able to break the cycle of abuse in their lives.
He thought he was giving me what I wanted, because all he’s ever wanted for me was happiness. And for some stupid reason, he’s never felt I could get that with him.
Although Atlas is a kind and emotionally mature person, he’s insecure about his ability to provide Lily with a good life and healthy partnership. This may be the result of his childhood trauma. Due to being abused by his stepfather and abandoned by his mother, Atlas sees himself as an unwanted presence. In Chapter Twenty-Eight, after he’s become stable in Boston, Atlas sees Lily with a short-term boyfriend and assumes that she’s happy without him. However, he keeps working toward his ideal life and becomes a successful chef and business owner. Although he underestimates how much Lily loves him, he always keeps her in mind as he builds his dream life. And, unlike Ryle, Atlas is willing to accept that what makes Lily happiest might not be a relationship with him. While Ryle attempts to possess Lily, Atlas is careful to respect Lily’s boundaries.
