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I feel like everyone fakes who they really are, when deep down we’re all equal amounts of screwed up. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.
In this passage from Chapter One, Ryle hints at his darker side, foreshadowing the suffering to come. For Ryle, life is a constant battle to achieve the success – and later, the love – that he desires while simultaneously fighting against the effect that past traumas have had on his psyche and behavior. Ryle perceives himself as someone living a fake life. On the outside, he is a handsome, charming, likable man who has reached high levels of professional success in the field of neurosurgery. He must hide his less-favorable traits from Lily and from the rest of the world, including his possessiveness, anger problems, and penchant for physical violence. He believes that everyone is like him to some extent, in that they hide their darker side from the public and/or from their loved ones.
Sometimes an unexpected wave comes along, sucks you up and refuses to spit you back out. Ryle is my unexpected tidal wave, and right now I’m skimming the beautiful surface.
In Chapter Seventeen, when Lily describes Ryle as a tidal wave, she foreshadows the complications that will arise in their marriage. Lily admits to Atlas later in the novel that she knew Ryle’s behavior was concerning, but that she didn’t want to admit that she was being abused. In this passage, Lily describes how she’s been wrapped up in the excitement and sexiness of her relationship with Ryle. While she’s only skimming the surface of the wave that is Ryle, she sees only his charismatic and attractive side. It is only later that she realizes how destructive tidal waves are when you get caught in their path.
I wanted them to know that not only did they just lose a child, they just ruined the entire life of the one who accidentally pulled the trigger.
In Chapter One, Ryle is deeply upset by the death of a child patient in an accidental shooting at the hands of his sibling. He’s angry at the parents for allowing their children access to guns, but not only because it resulted in death. He also knows that the life of the accidental shooter will be changed forever, because that child will always bear the burden of having killed his sibling. Ryle is deeply familiar with this burden, as he too accidentally shot and killed his big brother when they were children. The trauma has affected his life so terribly that he cannot have healthy, nonviolent relationships with women and suffers from severe emotional dysregulation.
I would tell her that she is worth so much more. And I would beg her not to go back, no matter how much he loves her.
At the end of the novel in Chapter Thirty-Five, Ryle’s character arc reaches a conclusion that points toward hope. Lily’s mother points out that a man who truly loves his wife would separate himself from her if he knew he could not stop himself from hurting her. This has been a step Ryle is unwilling to take. He clings to his marriage with Lily, begging her for another chance even though he knows it could result in further injury and violence. However, the birth of his daughter is the catalyst that helps Ryle finally realize that separation is the only appropriate choice. When Lily asks Ryle to imagine his reaction if their daughter was abused by her partner, Ryle answers that he would undoubtedly encourage her to leave him. In understanding Lily’s need for separation and moving forward with the divorce in an amicable manner, Ryle shows that he loves Lily enough to remove her from a relationship that is causing her harm, even if it is painful for him.
