The Comedy of Errors

by: William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I have some marks of yours upon my pate,
Some of my mistress' marks upon my shoulders,
But not a thousand marks between you both.
85If I should pay your worship those again,
Perchance you will not bear them patiently.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

I have some marks from you on my head and some of my mistress’s marks on my body. But between the both of you, I don’t have a thousand marks. If I gave those marks back to you, chances are you wouldn’t take them as patiently as I did.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Thy mistress' marks? what mistress, slave, hast thou?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Your mistress’s marks? What mistress do you have?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Your worship’s wife, my mistress at the Phoenix,
She that doth fast till you come home to dinner
90And prays that you will hie you home to dinner.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

Your wife, sir. My mistress. At the Phoenix. The one who’s waiting for you to come home for lunch and praying that you’ll get home quickly.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

What, wilt thou flout me thus unto my face,
Being forbid? There, take you that, sir knave. (beats DROMIO OF EPHESUS)

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

What, are you going to mock me to my face when I told you not to? There, take that, you scoundrel! (beats DROMIO OF EPHESUS)

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

What mean you, sir? For God’s sake, hold your hands.
Nay, an you will not, sir, I’ll take my heels.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS

What are you doing? Stop, for God’s sake! Well, if you don’t, then I’m out of here.
Exit DROMIO OF EPHESUS
DROMIO OF EPHESUS exits.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

95Upon my life, by some device or other
The villain is o'erraught of all my money.
They say this town is full of cozenage,
As nimble jugglers that deceive the eye,
Dark-working sorcerers that change the mind,
100Soul-killing witches that deform the body,
Disguised cheaters, prating mountebanks,
And many suchlike liberties of sin.
If it prove so, I will be gone the sooner.
I’ll to the Centaur to go seek this slave.
105I greatly fear my money is not safe.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

I swear, somehow the fool has been cheated out of all my money. They say that this town is full of deception—illusionists that can fool the eye, dark sorcerers who can bewitch your mind, soul-killing witches who can disfigure your body, disguised swindlers, fast-talking fakers, and all kinds of other unchecked sins. If this is true, then I’ll be leaving all the sooner.
I’ll go to the Centaur to find this servant of mine—I fear that my money isn’t safe.
Exit
He exits.