The Comedy of Errors

by: William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

65By what rule, sir?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Why not?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of Father
Time himself.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

I’ll tell you: it’s because of a law as plain as Father Time’s bald head.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Let’s hear it.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Let’s hear it.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

There’s no time for a man to recover his hair that grows bald by nature.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

There may be a time for everything, but no man who has gone bald naturally can get his hair back.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

May he not do it by fine and recovery?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig, and recover the lost hair of another man.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Yes, he can pay a fine for a wig and then recover another man’s lost hair.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Why is Time so cheap about giving out hair? After all, it’s plentiful in its growth.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts, and what he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Because animals are blessed with hair. With men, he’s been stingy with hair, but he makes up for it by giving them intelligence.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

Why, but there’s many a man hath more hair than wit.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

But a lot of men have more hair than intelligence.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

And not one of them is smart enough to stop himself from going bald.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

80Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

So then, you must think that hairy men are honest and simpleminded.