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Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS

PRINCE HENRY

Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room and lend me thy hand to laugh a little.

PRINCE HENRY

Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room and lend me thy hand to laugh a little.

POINS

Where hast been, Hal?

POINS

Where hast been, Hal?

PRINCE HENRY

With three or four loggerheads amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very bass string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy, and tell me flatly am no proud jack, like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy—by the Lord, so they call me—and when I am King of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep “dyeing scarlet,” and when you breathe in your watering, they cry “Hem!” and bid you “Play it off!” To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honor that thou wert not with me in this action; but, sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an underskinker, one that never spake other English in his life than “Eight shillings and sixpence,” and “You are welcome,” with this shrill addition, “Anon, anon, sir.—Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon,” or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in some by-room while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling “Francis,” that his tale to me may be nothing but “Anon.” Step aside, and I’ll show thee a precedent.

PRINCE HENRY

With three or four loggerheads amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very bass string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy, and tell me flatly am no proud jack, like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy—by the Lord, so they call me—and when I am King of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep “dyeing scarlet,” and when you breathe in your watering, they cry “Hem!” and bid you “Play it off!” To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honor that thou wert not with me in this action; but, sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an underskinker, one that never spake other English in his life than “Eight shillings and sixpence,” and “You are welcome,” with this shrill addition, “Anon, anon, sir.—Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon,” or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in some by-room while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling “Francis,” that his tale to me may be nothing but “Anon.” Step aside, and I’ll show thee a precedent.
Exit POINS
Exit POINS

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

PRINCE HENRY

Thou art perfect.

PRINCE HENRY

Thou art perfect.

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!
Enter FRANCIS , a drawer
Enter FRANCIS , a drawer

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.—Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.—Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph.

PRINCE HENRY

Come hither, Francis.

PRINCE HENRY

Come hither, Francis.

FRANCIS

35 My lord?

FRANCIS

My lord?

PRINCE HENRY

How long hast thou to serve, Francis?

PRINCE HENRY

How long hast thou to serve, Francis?

FRANCIS

Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—

FRANCIS

Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY

Five year! By 'r lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter! But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture, and show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it?

PRINCE HENRY

Five year! By 'r lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter! But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture, and show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it?

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heart—

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heart—

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, sir.

FRANCIS

Anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY

How old art thou, Francis?

PRINCE HENRY

How old art thou, Francis?

FRANCIS

Let me see. About Michaelmas next, I shall be—

FRANCIS

Let me see. About Michaelmas next, I shall be—

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, sir. (to PRINCE HENRY) Pray, stay a little, my lord.

FRANCIS

Anon, sir. (to PRINCE HENRY) Pray, stay a little, my lord.

PRINCE HENRY

Nay, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar thou gavest me,’twas a pennyworth, was ’t not?

PRINCE HENRY

Nay, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar thou gavest me,’twas a pennyworth, was ’t not?

FRANCIS

O Lord, I would it had been two!

FRANCIS

O Lord, I would it had been two!

PRINCE HENRY

I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

PRINCE HENRY

I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, anon.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon.

PRINCE HENRY

Anon, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis; or,
60 Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt.
But, Francis—

PRINCE HENRY

Anon, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis; or,
Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt.
But, Francis—

FRANCIS

My lord?

FRANCIS

My lord?

PRINCE HENRY

Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch—

PRINCE HENRY

Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch—

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, who do you mean?

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, who do you mean?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink, for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink, for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.

FRANCIS

70 What, sir?

FRANCIS

What, sir?

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

PRINCE HENRY

Away, you rogue! Dost thou not hear them call?

PRINCE HENRY

Away, you rogue! Dost thou not hear them call?
Here they both call him. FRANCIS the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go.
Here they both call him. FRANCIS the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go.
Enter VINTNER
Enter VINTNER

VINTNER

What, stand’st thou still and hear’st such a calling? Look to the guests within.

VINTNER

What, stand’st thou still and hear’st such a calling? Look to the guests within.
Exit FRANCIS
Exit FRANCIS
75 My lord, old Sir John with half a dozen more are at the door.
Shall I let them in?
My lord, old Sir John with half a dozen more are at the door.
Shall I let them in?

PRINCE HENRY

Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.

PRINCE HENRY

Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
Exit VINTNER
Exit VINTNER
Poins!
Poins!
Reenter POINS
Reenter POINS

POINS

Anon, anon, sir.

POINS

Anon, anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY

80 Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door.
Shall we be merry?

PRINCE HENRY

Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door.
Shall we be merry?

POINS

As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark you, what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer. Come, what’s the issue?

POINS

As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark you, what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer. Come, what’s the issue?

PRINCE HENRY

I am now of all humors that have showed themselves humors since the old days of Goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight.

PRINCE HENRY

I am now of all humors that have showed themselves humors since the old days of Goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight.
Enter FRANCIS
Enter FRANCIS
What’s o'clock, Francis?
What’s o'clock, Francis?

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.
Exit FRANCIS
Exit FRANCIS

PRINCE HENRY

That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the Hotspur of the north, he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife “Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.” “O my sweet Harry,” says she, “how many hast thou killed today?” “Give my roan horse a drench,” says he, and answers “Some fourteen,” an hour after. “A trifle, a trifle.” I prithee, call in Falstaff. I’ll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. “Rivo!” says the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow.

PRINCE HENRY

That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the Hotspur of the north, he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife “Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.” “O my sweet Harry,” says she, “how many hast thou killed today?” “Give my roan horse a drench,” says he, and answers “Some fourteen,” an hour after. “A trifle, a trifle.” I prithee, call in Falstaff. I’ll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. “Rivo!” says the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow.
Enter FALSTAFF , GADSHILL , PETO , and BARDOLPH , followed by FRANCIS with wine
Enter FALSTAFF , GADSHILL , PETO , and BARDOLPH , followed by FRANCIS with wine

POINS

Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?

POINS

Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?

FALSTAFF

A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! Marry and amen!—Give me a cup of sack, boy.—Ere I lead this life long, I’ll sew netherstocks and mend them, and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!—Give me a cup of sack, rogue. —Is there no virtue extant? (he drinketh)

FALSTAFF

A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! Marry and amen!—Give me a cup of sack, boy.—Ere I lead this life long, I’ll sew netherstocks and mend them, and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!—Give me a cup of sack, rogue. —Is there no virtue extant? (he drinketh)

PRINCE HENRY

Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?—Pitiful- hearted Titan!—that melted at the sweet tale of the sun’s? If thou didst, then behold that compound.

PRINCE HENRY

Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?—Pitiful- hearted Titan!—that melted at the sweet tale of the sun’s? If thou didst, then behold that compound.

FALSTAFF

(to FRANCIS ) You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too.—There is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man, yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack. Die when thou wilt. If manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not three good men unhanged in England, and one of them is fat and grows old, God help the while. A bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver. I could sing psalms, or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say still.

FALSTAFF

(to FRANCIS ) You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too.—There is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man, yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack. Die when thou wilt. If manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not three good men unhanged in England, and one of them is fat and grows old, God help the while. A bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver. I could sing psalms, or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say still.

PRINCE HENRY

120 How now, woolsack, what mutter you?

PRINCE HENRY

How now, woolsack, what mutter you?

FALSTAFF

A King’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of Wales!

FALSTAFF

A King’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of Wales!

PRINCE HENRY

125 Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?

FALSTAFF

Are not you a coward? Answer me to that—and Poins there?

FALSTAFF

Are not you a coward? Answer me to that—and Poins there?

POINS

Zounds, ye fat paunch, an you call me coward, by the Lord,
I’ll stab thee.

POINS

Zounds, ye fat paunch, an you call me coward, by the Lord,
I’ll stab thee.

FALSTAFF

I call thee coward? I’ll see thee damned ere I call thee coward, but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders you care not who sees your back. Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! Give me them that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack.—I am a rogue if I drunk today.

FALSTAFF

I call thee coward? I’ll see thee damned ere I call thee coward, but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders you care not who sees your back. Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! Give me them that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack.—I am a rogue if I drunk today.

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunk’st last.

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunk’st last.

FALSTAFF

All is one for that. (he drinketh) A plague of all cowards, still say I.

FALSTAFF

All is one for that. (he drinketh) A plague of all cowards, still say I.

PRINCE HENRY

What’s the matter?

PRINCE HENRY

What’s the matter?

FALSTAFF

What’s the matter? There be four of us here have ta'en a thousand pound this day morning.

FALSTAFF

What’s the matter? There be four of us here have ta'en a thousand pound this day morning.

PRINCE HENRY

Where is it, Jack? Where is it?

PRINCE HENRY

Where is it, Jack? Where is it?

FALSTAFF

Where is it? Taken from us it is. A hundred upon poor four of us.

FALSTAFF

Where is it? Taken from us it is. A hundred upon poor four of us.

PRINCE HENRY

145 What, a hundred, man?

PRINCE HENRY

What, a hundred, man?

FALSTAFF

I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have ’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler cut through and through, my sword hacked like a handsaw. Ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man. All would not do. A plague of all cowards! (points to GADSHILL, PETO and BARDOLPH ) Let them speak. If they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of darkness.

FALSTAFF

I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have ’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler cut through and through, my sword hacked like a handsaw. Ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man. All would not do. A plague of all cowards! (points to GADSHILL, PETO and BARDOLPH ) Let them speak. If they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of darkness.

PRINCE HENRY

155 Speak, sirs, how was it?

PRINCE HENRY

Speak, sirs, how was it?

GADSHILL

We four set upon some dozen.

GADSHILL

We four set upon some dozen.

FALSTAFF

Sixteen at least, my lord.

FALSTAFF

Sixteen at least, my lord.

BARDOLPH

And bound them.

BARDOLPH

And bound them.

PETO

No, no, they were not bound.

PETO

No, no, they were not bound.

FALSTAFF

160 You rogue, they were bound, every man of them, or I am a
Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.

FALSTAFF

You rogue, they were bound, every man of them, or I am a
Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.

GADSHILL

As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us.

GADSHILL

As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us.

FALSTAFF

And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.

FALSTAFF

And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.

PRINCE HENRY

165 What, fought you with them all?

PRINCE HENRY

What, fought you with them all?

FALSTAFF

All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with fifty of them I am a bunch of radish. If there were not two- or hree-and-fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.

FALSTAFF

All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with fifty of them I am a bunch of radish. If there were not two- or hree-and-fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.

PRINCE HENRY

170 Pray God you have not murdered some of them.

PRINCE HENRY

Pray God you have not murdered some of them.

FALSTAFF

Nay, that’s past praying for. I have peppered two of them. Two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me.

FALSTAFF

Nay, that’s past praying for. I have peppered two of them. Two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me.

PRINCE HENRY

What, four? Thou saidst but two even now.

PRINCE HENRY

What, four? Thou saidst but two even now.

FALSTAFF

Four, Hal, I told thee four.

FALSTAFF

Four, Hal, I told thee four.

POINS

Ay, ay, he said four.

POINS

Ay, ay, he said four.

FALSTAFF

These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.

FALSTAFF

These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.

PRINCE HENRY

Seven? Why there were but four even now.

PRINCE HENRY

Seven? Why there were but four even now.

FALSTAFF

In buckram?

FALSTAFF

In buckram?

POINS

Ay, four in buckram suits.

POINS

Ay, four in buckram suits.

FALSTAFF

185 Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.

FALSTAFF

Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.

PRINCE HENRY

(aside to POINS ) Prithee, let him alone. We shall have more anon.

PRINCE HENRY

(aside to POINS ) Prithee, let him alone. We shall have more anon.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear me, Hal?

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear me, Hal?

PRINCE HENRY

Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.

PRINCE HENRY

Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.

FALSTAFF

Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of—

FALSTAFF

Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of—

PRINCE HENRY

So, two more already.

PRINCE HENRY

So, two more already.

FALSTAFF

Their points being broken—

FALSTAFF

Their points being broken—

POINS

Down fell their hose.

POINS

Down fell their hose.

FALSTAFF

Began to give me ground, but I followed me close, came in foot and hand, and with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid.

FALSTAFF

Began to give me ground, but I followed me close, came in foot and hand, and with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid.

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!

FALSTAFF

But as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back, and let drive at me, for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.

FALSTAFF

But as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back, and let drive at me, for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.

PRINCE HENRY

These lies are like their father that begets them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou claybrained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow- catch—

PRINCE HENRY

These lies are like their father that begets them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou claybrained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow- catch—

FALSTAFF

205 What, art thou mad? Art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?

FALSTAFF

What, art thou mad? Art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. What sayest thou to this?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. What sayest thou to this?

POINS

Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.

POINS

Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.

FALSTAFF

What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion? If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.

FALSTAFF

What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion? If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.

PRINCE HENRY

I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh—

PRINCE HENRY

I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh—

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, you starveling, you elfskin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish! O, for breath to utter what is like thee! You tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase, you vile standing tuck—

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, you starveling, you elfskin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish! O, for breath to utter what is like thee! You tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase, you vile standing tuck—

PRINCE HENRY

Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again, and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again, and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.

POINS

Mark, Jack.

POINS

Mark, Jack.

PRINCE HENRY

We two saw you four set on four, and bound them and were masters of their wealth. Mark now how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house. And, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?

PRINCE HENRY

We two saw you four set on four, and bound them and were masters of their wealth. Mark now how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house. And, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?

POINS

Come, let’s hear, Jack. What trick hast thou now?

POINS

Come, let’s hear, Jack. What trick hast thou now?

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, I knew you as well as he that made you. Why, hear you, my masters, was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true Prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules, but beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true Prince. Instinct is a great matter. I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself, and thee, during my life—I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true Prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.—Hostess, clap to the doors.— Watch tonight, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you. What, shall we be merry? hall we have a play extempore?

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, I knew you as well as he that made you. Why, hear you, my masters, was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true Prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules, but beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true Prince. Instinct is a great matter. I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself, and thee, during my life—I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true Prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.—Hostess, clap to the doors.— Watch tonight, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you. What, shall we be merry? hall we have a play extempore?

PRINCE HENRY

Content, and the argument shall be thy running away.

PRINCE HENRY

Content, and the argument shall be thy running away.

FALSTAFF

250 Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me.

FALSTAFF

Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, my lord the Prince!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, my lord the Prince!

PRINCE HENRY

How now, my lady the hostess, what sayest thou to me?

PRINCE HENRY

How now, my lady the hostess, what sayest thou to me?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you. He says he comes from your father.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you. He says he comes from your father.

PRINCE HENRY

Give him as much as will make him a royal man and send him back again to my mother.

PRINCE HENRY

Give him as much as will make him a royal man and send him back again to my mother.

FALSTAFF

What manner of man is he?

FALSTAFF

What manner of man is he?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

An old man.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

An old man.

FALSTAFF

What doth Gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer?

FALSTAFF

What doth Gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer?

PRINCE HENRY

Prithee do, Jack.

PRINCE HENRY

Prithee do, Jack.

FALSTAFF

Faith, and I’ll send him packing.

FALSTAFF

Faith, and I’ll send him packing.
Exit FALSTAFF
Exit FALSTAFF

PRINCE HENRY

Now, sirs. By 'r lady, you fought fair.—So did you, Peto.— So did you, Bardolph.—You are lions too. You ran away upon instinct. You will not touch the true Prince. No, fie!

PRINCE HENRY

Now, sirs. By 'r lady, you fought fair.—So did you, Peto.— So did you, Bardolph.—You are lions too. You ran away upon instinct. You will not touch the true Prince. No, fie!

BARDOLPH

Faith, I ran when I saw others run.

BARDOLPH

Faith, I ran when I saw others run.

PRINCE HENRY

Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s sword so hacked?

PRINCE HENRY

Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s sword so hacked?

PETO

Why, he hacked it with his dagger and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like.

PETO

Why, he hacked it with his dagger and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like.

BARDOLPH

Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before: I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.

BARDOLPH

Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before: I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran’st away. What instinct hadst thou for it?

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran’st away. What instinct hadst thou for it?

BARDOLPH

My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these exhalations?

BARDOLPH

My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these exhalations?

PRINCE HENRY

I do.

PRINCE HENRY

I do.

BARDOLPH

What think you they portend?

BARDOLPH

What think you they portend?

PRINCE HENRY

Hot livers and cold purses.

PRINCE HENRY

Hot livers and cold purses.

BARDOLPH

285 Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.

BARDOLPH

Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.

PRINCE HENRY

No, if rightly taken, halter.

PRINCE HENRY

No, if rightly taken, halter.
Enter FALSTAFF
Enter FALSTAFF
Here comes lean Jack. Here comes bare-bone.—How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long is ’t ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee?
Here comes lean Jack. Here comes bare-bone.—How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long is ’t ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee?

FALSTAFF

My own knee? When I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle’s talon in the waist. I could have crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring. A plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a bladder. There’s villanous news abroad. Here was Sir John Bracy from your father. You must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy, and he of Wales that gave Amamon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook—what a plague call you him?

FALSTAFF

My own knee? When I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle’s talon in the waist. I could have crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring. A plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a bladder. There’s villanous news abroad. Here was Sir John Bracy from your father. You must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy, and he of Wales that gave Amamon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook—what a plague call you him?

POINS

300 Owen Glendower.

POINS

Owen Glendower.

FALSTAFF

Owen, Owen, the same, and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs a-horseback up a hill perpendicular—

FALSTAFF

Owen, Owen, the same, and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs a-horseback up a hill perpendicular—

PRINCE HENRY

He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying.

PRINCE HENRY

He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying.

FALSTAFF

You have hit it.

FALSTAFF

You have hit it.

PRINCE HENRY

So did he never the sparrow.

PRINCE HENRY

So did he never the sparrow.

FALSTAFF

Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him. He will not run.

FALSTAFF

Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him. He will not run.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, what a rascal art thou then to praise him so for running?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, what a rascal art thou then to praise him so for running?

FALSTAFF

A-horseback, you cuckoo, but afoot he will not budge a foot.

FALSTAFF

A-horseback, you cuckoo, but afoot he will not budge a foot.

PRINCE HENRY

Yes, Jack, upon instinct.

PRINCE HENRY

Yes, Jack, upon instinct.

FALSTAFF

I grant you, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: Worcester is stolen away tonight. Thy father’s beard is turned white with the news. You may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.

FALSTAFF

I grant you, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: Worcester is stolen away tonight. Thy father’s beard is turned white with the news. You may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, it is like if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob- nails, by the hundreds.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, it is like if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob- nails, by the hundreds.

FALSTAFF

By the Mass, thou sayest true. It is like we shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? Thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it?

FALSTAFF

By the Mass, thou sayest true. It is like we shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? Thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it?

PRINCE HENRY

Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of thy instinct.

PRINCE HENRY

Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of thy instinct.

FALSTAFF

Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou comest to thy father. If thou love me, practice an answer.

FALSTAFF

Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou comest to thy father. If thou love me, practice an answer.

PRINCE HENRY

Do thou stand for my father and examine me upon the particulars of my life.

PRINCE HENRY

Do thou stand for my father and examine me upon the particulars of my life.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? Conten. This chair shall be my state, this dagger my scepter, and this cushion my crown.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? Conten. This chair shall be my state, this dagger my scepter, and this cushion my crown.

PRINCE HENRY

Thy state is taken for a joined stool, thy golden scepter for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown.

PRINCE HENRY

Thy state is taken for a joined stool, thy golden scepter for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown.

FALSTAFF

Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.—Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept, for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein.

FALSTAFF

Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.—Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept, for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here is my leg.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here is my leg.

FALSTAFF

And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.

FALSTAFF

And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!

FALSTAFF

Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain.

FALSTAFF

Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

345 O the father, how he holds his countenance!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O the father, how he holds his countenance!

FALSTAFF

For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful queen,
For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.

FALSTAFF

For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful queen,
For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever
I see.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever
I see.

FALSTAFF

Peace, good pint-pot. Peace, good tickle-brain.— (to PRINCE HENRY ) Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied. For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, so youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son I have partly thy mother’s word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a foolish-hanging of thy nether lip that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point: why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? A question not to be asked. Shall the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? A question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak to thee, in drink but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also. And yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.

FALSTAFF

Peace, good pint-pot. Peace, good tickle-brain.— (to PRINCE HENRY ) Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied. For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, so youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son I have partly thy mother’s word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a foolish-hanging of thy nether lip that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point: why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? A question not to be asked. Shall the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? A question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak to thee, in drink but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also. And yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.

PRINCE HENRY

370 What manner of man, an it like your Majesty?

PRINCE HENRY

What manner of man, an it like your Majesty?

FALSTAFF

A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage, and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by 'r Lady, inclining to three score; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff. If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me, for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then peremptorily I speak it: there is virtue in that Falstaff; him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month?

FALSTAFF

A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage, and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by 'r Lady, inclining to three score; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff. If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me, for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then peremptorily I speak it: there is virtue in that Falstaff; him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month?

PRINCE HENRY

Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I’ll play my father.

PRINCE HENRY

Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I’ll play my father.

FALSTAFF

Depose me? If thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit- sucker or a poulter’s hare.

FALSTAFF

Depose me? If thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit- sucker or a poulter’s hare.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here I am set.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here I am set.

FALSTAFF

And here I stand. — (to the others) Judge, my masters.

FALSTAFF

And here I stand. — (to the others) Judge, my masters.

PRINCE HENRY

Now, Harry, whence come you?

PRINCE HENRY

Now, Harry, whence come you?

FALSTAFF

My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

FALSTAFF

My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY

390 The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

PRINCE HENRY

The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, my lord, they are false.— (to the others) Nay, I’ll tickle you for a young prince, i' faith.

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, my lord, they are false.— (to the others) Nay, I’ll tickle you for a young prince, i' faith.

PRINCE HENRY

Swearest thou? Ungracious boy, henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man. A tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humors, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloakbag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that gray iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly but to carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning but in craft? Wherein crafty but in villany? Wherein villanous but in all things? Wherein worthy but in nothing?

PRINCE HENRY

Swearest thou? Ungracious boy, henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man. A tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humors, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloakbag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that gray iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly but to carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning but in craft? Wherein crafty but in villany? Wherein villanous but in all things? Wherein worthy but in nothing?

FALSTAFF

I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your Grace?

FALSTAFF

I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your Grace?

PRINCE HENRY

That villanous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

PRINCE HENRY

That villanous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

FALSTAFF

410 My lord, the man I know.

FALSTAFF

My lord, the man I know.

PRINCE HENRY

I know thou dost.

PRINCE HENRY

I know thou dost.

FALSTAFF

But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say more than I know. That he is old, the more the pity; his white hairs do witness it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked. If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned. If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins, but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant being, as he is old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

FALSTAFF

But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say more than I know. That he is old, the more the pity; his white hairs do witness it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked. If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned. If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins, but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant being, as he is old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

PRINCE HENRY

425 I do, I will.

PRINCE HENRY

I do, I will.
Knocking within. Exeunt BARDOLPH , MISTRESS QUICKLY , and FRANCIS . Enter BARDOLPH , running
Knocking within. Exeunt BARDOLPH , MISTRESS QUICKLY , and FRANCIS . Enter BARDOLPH , running

BARDOLPH

O, my lord, my lord, the Sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door.

BARDOLPH

O, my lord, my lord, the Sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door.

FALSTAFF

Out, you rogue.—Play out the play. I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.

FALSTAFF

Out, you rogue.—Play out the play. I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

MISTRESS QUICKLY

430 O Jesu, my lord, my lord—

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, my lord, my lord—

PRINCE HENRY

Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick. What’s the matter?

PRINCE HENRY

Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick. What’s the matter?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

The Sheriff and all the watch are at the door. They are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

The Sheriff and all the watch are at the door. They are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit. Thou art essentially made, without seeming so.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit. Thou art essentially made, without seeming so.

PRINCE HENRY

And thou a natural coward without instinct.

PRINCE HENRY

And thou a natural coward without instinct.

FALSTAFF

I deny your major. If you will deny the Sheriff, so; if not, let him enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up. I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.

FALSTAFF

I deny your major. If you will deny the Sheriff, so; if not, let him enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up. I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.

PRINCE HENRY

Go, hide thee behind the arras. The rest walk up above.—
Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.

PRINCE HENRY

Go, hide thee behind the arras. The rest walk up above.—
Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.

FALSTAFF

Both which I have had, but their date is out; and therefore I’ll hide me. (he hides behind the arras)

FALSTAFF

Both which I have had, but their date is out; and therefore I’ll hide me. (he hides behind the arras)
Exeunt all but PRINCE HENRY and PETO
Exeunt all but PRINCE HENRY and PETO

PRINCE HENRY

Call in the Sheriff.

PRINCE HENRY

Call in the Sheriff.
Enter SHERIFF and the CARRIER
Enter SHERIFF and the CARRIER
Now, Master Sheriff, what is your will with me?
Now, Master Sheriff, what is your will with me?

SHERIFF

First pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house.

SHERIFF

First pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house.

PRINCE HENRY

450 What men?

PRINCE HENRY

What men?

SHERIFF

One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
A gross fat man.

SHERIFF

One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
A gross fat man.

CARRIER

As fat as butter.

CARRIER

As fat as butter.

PRINCE HENRY

The man, I do assure you is not here,
455 For I myself at this time have employed him.
And, Sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
That I will by tomorrow dinner time
Send him to answer thee or any man
For any thing he shall be charged withal.
460 And so let me entreat you leave the house.

PRINCE HENRY

The man, I do assure you is not here,
For I myself at this time have employed him.
And, Sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
That I will by tomorrow dinner time
Send him to answer thee or any man
For any thing he shall be charged withal.
And so let me entreat you leave the house.

SHERIFF

I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.

SHERIFF

I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.

PRINCE HENRY

It may be so. If he have robbed these men,
He shall be answerable; and so farewell.

PRINCE HENRY

It may be so. If he have robbed these men,
He shall be answerable; and so farewell.

SHERIFF

465 Good night, my noble lord.

SHERIFF

Good night, my noble lord.

PRINCE HENRY

I think it is good morrow, is it not?

PRINCE HENRY

I think it is good morrow, is it not?

SHERIFF

Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock.

SHERIFF

Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock.
Exeunt SHERIFF and CARRIER
Exeunt SHERIFF and CARRIER

PRINCE HENRY

This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go call him forth.

PRINCE HENRY

This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go call him forth.

PETO

Falstaff!— (pulls back the arras) Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.

PETO

Falstaff!— (pulls back the arras) Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.

PRINCE HENRY

Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.

PRINCE HENRY

Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
PETO searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers
PETO searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers
What hast thou found?
What hast thou found?

PETO

Nothing but papers, my lord.

PETO

Nothing but papers, my lord.

PRINCE HENRY

Let’s see what they be. Read them.

PRINCE HENRY

Let’s see what they be. Read them.

PETO

(reads) Item, a capon, … 2s. 2d.
Item, sauce, … 4d.
Item, sack, two gallons, … 5s. 8d.
Item, anchovies and sack after supper, , , , 2s. 6d.
Item, bread, ob.

PETO

(reads) Item, a capon, … 2s. 2d.
Item, sauce, … 4d.
Item, sack, two gallons, … 5s. 8d.
Item, anchovies and sack after supper, , , , 2s. 6d.
Item, bread, ob.

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close. We’ll read it at more advantage. There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honorable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning, and so good morrow, Peto.

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close. We’ll read it at more advantage. There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honorable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning, and so good morrow, Peto.

PETO

Good morrow, good my lord.

PETO

Good morrow, good my lord.
Exeunt
Exeunt

Original Text

Modern Text
Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS
Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS

PRINCE HENRY

Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room and lend me thy hand to laugh a little.

PRINCE HENRY

Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room and lend me thy hand to laugh a little.

POINS

Where hast been, Hal?

POINS

Where hast been, Hal?

PRINCE HENRY

With three or four loggerheads amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very bass string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy, and tell me flatly am no proud jack, like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy—by the Lord, so they call me—and when I am King of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep “dyeing scarlet,” and when you breathe in your watering, they cry “Hem!” and bid you “Play it off!” To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honor that thou wert not with me in this action; but, sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an underskinker, one that never spake other English in his life than “Eight shillings and sixpence,” and “You are welcome,” with this shrill addition, “Anon, anon, sir.—Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon,” or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in some by-room while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling “Francis,” that his tale to me may be nothing but “Anon.” Step aside, and I’ll show thee a precedent.

PRINCE HENRY

With three or four loggerheads amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very bass string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their christen names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy, and tell me flatly am no proud jack, like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy—by the Lord, so they call me—and when I am King of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep “dyeing scarlet,” and when you breathe in your watering, they cry “Hem!” and bid you “Play it off!” To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honor that thou wert not with me in this action; but, sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an underskinker, one that never spake other English in his life than “Eight shillings and sixpence,” and “You are welcome,” with this shrill addition, “Anon, anon, sir.—Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon,” or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee, do thou stand in some by-room while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar; and do thou never leave calling “Francis,” that his tale to me may be nothing but “Anon.” Step aside, and I’ll show thee a precedent.
Exit POINS
Exit POINS

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

PRINCE HENRY

Thou art perfect.

PRINCE HENRY

Thou art perfect.

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!
Enter FRANCIS , a drawer
Enter FRANCIS , a drawer

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.—Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.—Look down into the Pomgarnet, Ralph.

PRINCE HENRY

Come hither, Francis.

PRINCE HENRY

Come hither, Francis.

FRANCIS

35 My lord?

FRANCIS

My lord?

PRINCE HENRY

How long hast thou to serve, Francis?

PRINCE HENRY

How long hast thou to serve, Francis?

FRANCIS

Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—

FRANCIS

Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY

Five year! By 'r lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter! But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture, and show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it?

PRINCE HENRY

Five year! By 'r lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter! But, Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy indenture, and show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it?

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heart—

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heart—

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, sir.

FRANCIS

Anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY

How old art thou, Francis?

PRINCE HENRY

How old art thou, Francis?

FRANCIS

Let me see. About Michaelmas next, I shall be—

FRANCIS

Let me see. About Michaelmas next, I shall be—

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, sir. (to PRINCE HENRY) Pray, stay a little, my lord.

FRANCIS

Anon, sir. (to PRINCE HENRY) Pray, stay a little, my lord.

PRINCE HENRY

Nay, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar thou gavest me,’twas a pennyworth, was ’t not?

PRINCE HENRY

Nay, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar thou gavest me,’twas a pennyworth, was ’t not?

FRANCIS

O Lord, I would it had been two!

FRANCIS

O Lord, I would it had been two!

PRINCE HENRY

I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

PRINCE HENRY

I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

FRANCIS

Anon, anon.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon.

PRINCE HENRY

Anon, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis; or,
60 Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt.
But, Francis—

PRINCE HENRY

Anon, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis; or,
Francis, o' Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt.
But, Francis—

FRANCIS

My lord?

FRANCIS

My lord?

PRINCE HENRY

Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch—

PRINCE HENRY

Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch—

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, who do you mean?

FRANCIS

O Lord, sir, who do you mean?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink, for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink, for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.

FRANCIS

70 What, sir?

FRANCIS

What, sir?

POINS

(within) Francis!

POINS

(within) Francis!

PRINCE HENRY

Away, you rogue! Dost thou not hear them call?

PRINCE HENRY

Away, you rogue! Dost thou not hear them call?
Here they both call him. FRANCIS the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go.
Here they both call him. FRANCIS the drawer stands amazed, not knowing which way to go.
Enter VINTNER
Enter VINTNER

VINTNER

What, stand’st thou still and hear’st such a calling? Look to the guests within.

VINTNER

What, stand’st thou still and hear’st such a calling? Look to the guests within.
Exit FRANCIS
Exit FRANCIS
75 My lord, old Sir John with half a dozen more are at the door.
Shall I let them in?
My lord, old Sir John with half a dozen more are at the door.
Shall I let them in?

PRINCE HENRY

Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.

PRINCE HENRY

Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
Exit VINTNER
Exit VINTNER
Poins!
Poins!
Reenter POINS
Reenter POINS

POINS

Anon, anon, sir.

POINS

Anon, anon, sir.

PRINCE HENRY

80 Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door.
Shall we be merry?

PRINCE HENRY

Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door.
Shall we be merry?

POINS

As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark you, what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer. Come, what’s the issue?

POINS

As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark you, what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer. Come, what’s the issue?

PRINCE HENRY

I am now of all humors that have showed themselves humors since the old days of Goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight.

PRINCE HENRY

I am now of all humors that have showed themselves humors since the old days of Goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock at midnight.
Enter FRANCIS
Enter FRANCIS
What’s o'clock, Francis?
What’s o'clock, Francis?

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.

FRANCIS

Anon, anon, sir.
Exit FRANCIS
Exit FRANCIS

PRINCE HENRY

That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the Hotspur of the north, he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife “Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.” “O my sweet Harry,” says she, “how many hast thou killed today?” “Give my roan horse a drench,” says he, and answers “Some fourteen,” an hour after. “A trifle, a trifle.” I prithee, call in Falstaff. I’ll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. “Rivo!” says the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow.

PRINCE HENRY

That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the Hotspur of the north, he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife “Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.” “O my sweet Harry,” says she, “how many hast thou killed today?” “Give my roan horse a drench,” says he, and answers “Some fourteen,” an hour after. “A trifle, a trifle.” I prithee, call in Falstaff. I’ll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. “Rivo!” says the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow.
Enter FALSTAFF , GADSHILL , PETO , and BARDOLPH , followed by FRANCIS with wine
Enter FALSTAFF , GADSHILL , PETO , and BARDOLPH , followed by FRANCIS with wine

POINS

Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?

POINS

Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?

FALSTAFF

A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! Marry and amen!—Give me a cup of sack, boy.—Ere I lead this life long, I’ll sew netherstocks and mend them, and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!—Give me a cup of sack, rogue. —Is there no virtue extant? (he drinketh)

FALSTAFF

A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! Marry and amen!—Give me a cup of sack, boy.—Ere I lead this life long, I’ll sew netherstocks and mend them, and foot them too. A plague of all cowards!—Give me a cup of sack, rogue. —Is there no virtue extant? (he drinketh)

PRINCE HENRY

Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?—Pitiful- hearted Titan!—that melted at the sweet tale of the sun’s? If thou didst, then behold that compound.

PRINCE HENRY

Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter?—Pitiful- hearted Titan!—that melted at the sweet tale of the sun’s? If thou didst, then behold that compound.

FALSTAFF

(to FRANCIS ) You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too.—There is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man, yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack. Die when thou wilt. If manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not three good men unhanged in England, and one of them is fat and grows old, God help the while. A bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver. I could sing psalms, or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say still.

FALSTAFF

(to FRANCIS ) You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too.—There is nothing but roguery to be found in villanous man, yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack. Die when thou wilt. If manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not three good men unhanged in England, and one of them is fat and grows old, God help the while. A bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver. I could sing psalms, or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say still.

PRINCE HENRY

120 How now, woolsack, what mutter you?

PRINCE HENRY

How now, woolsack, what mutter you?

FALSTAFF

A King’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of Wales!

FALSTAFF

A King’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild geese, I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of Wales!

PRINCE HENRY

125 Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?

FALSTAFF

Are not you a coward? Answer me to that—and Poins there?

FALSTAFF

Are not you a coward? Answer me to that—and Poins there?

POINS

Zounds, ye fat paunch, an you call me coward, by the Lord,
I’ll stab thee.

POINS

Zounds, ye fat paunch, an you call me coward, by the Lord,
I’ll stab thee.

FALSTAFF

I call thee coward? I’ll see thee damned ere I call thee coward, but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders you care not who sees your back. Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! Give me them that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack.—I am a rogue if I drunk today.

FALSTAFF

I call thee coward? I’ll see thee damned ere I call thee coward, but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders you care not who sees your back. Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! Give me them that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack.—I am a rogue if I drunk today.

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunk’st last.

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunk’st last.

FALSTAFF

All is one for that. (he drinketh) A plague of all cowards, still say I.

FALSTAFF

All is one for that. (he drinketh) A plague of all cowards, still say I.

PRINCE HENRY

What’s the matter?

PRINCE HENRY

What’s the matter?

FALSTAFF

What’s the matter? There be four of us here have ta'en a thousand pound this day morning.

FALSTAFF

What’s the matter? There be four of us here have ta'en a thousand pound this day morning.

PRINCE HENRY

Where is it, Jack? Where is it?

PRINCE HENRY

Where is it, Jack? Where is it?

FALSTAFF

Where is it? Taken from us it is. A hundred upon poor four of us.

FALSTAFF

Where is it? Taken from us it is. A hundred upon poor four of us.

PRINCE HENRY

145 What, a hundred, man?

PRINCE HENRY

What, a hundred, man?

FALSTAFF

I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have ’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler cut through and through, my sword hacked like a handsaw. Ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man. All would not do. A plague of all cowards! (points to GADSHILL, PETO and BARDOLPH ) Let them speak. If they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of darkness.

FALSTAFF

I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have ’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler cut through and through, my sword hacked like a handsaw. Ecce signum! I never dealt better since I was a man. All would not do. A plague of all cowards! (points to GADSHILL, PETO and BARDOLPH ) Let them speak. If they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of darkness.

PRINCE HENRY

155 Speak, sirs, how was it?

PRINCE HENRY

Speak, sirs, how was it?

GADSHILL

We four set upon some dozen.

GADSHILL

We four set upon some dozen.

FALSTAFF

Sixteen at least, my lord.

FALSTAFF

Sixteen at least, my lord.

BARDOLPH

And bound them.

BARDOLPH

And bound them.

PETO

No, no, they were not bound.

PETO

No, no, they were not bound.

FALSTAFF

160 You rogue, they were bound, every man of them, or I am a
Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.

FALSTAFF

You rogue, they were bound, every man of them, or I am a
Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.

GADSHILL

As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us.

GADSHILL

As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us.

FALSTAFF

And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.

FALSTAFF

And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.

PRINCE HENRY

165 What, fought you with them all?

PRINCE HENRY

What, fought you with them all?

FALSTAFF

All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with fifty of them I am a bunch of radish. If there were not two- or hree-and-fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.

FALSTAFF

All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with fifty of them I am a bunch of radish. If there were not two- or hree-and-fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.

PRINCE HENRY

170 Pray God you have not murdered some of them.

PRINCE HENRY

Pray God you have not murdered some of them.

FALSTAFF

Nay, that’s past praying for. I have peppered two of them. Two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me.

FALSTAFF

Nay, that’s past praying for. I have peppered two of them. Two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal, if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me.

PRINCE HENRY

What, four? Thou saidst but two even now.

PRINCE HENRY

What, four? Thou saidst but two even now.

FALSTAFF

Four, Hal, I told thee four.

FALSTAFF

Four, Hal, I told thee four.

POINS

Ay, ay, he said four.

POINS

Ay, ay, he said four.

FALSTAFF

These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.

FALSTAFF

These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.

PRINCE HENRY

Seven? Why there were but four even now.

PRINCE HENRY

Seven? Why there were but four even now.

FALSTAFF

In buckram?

FALSTAFF

In buckram?

POINS

Ay, four in buckram suits.

POINS

Ay, four in buckram suits.

FALSTAFF

185 Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.

FALSTAFF

Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.

PRINCE HENRY

(aside to POINS ) Prithee, let him alone. We shall have more anon.

PRINCE HENRY

(aside to POINS ) Prithee, let him alone. We shall have more anon.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear me, Hal?

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear me, Hal?

PRINCE HENRY

Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.

PRINCE HENRY

Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.

FALSTAFF

Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of—

FALSTAFF

Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told thee of—

PRINCE HENRY

So, two more already.

PRINCE HENRY

So, two more already.

FALSTAFF

Their points being broken—

FALSTAFF

Their points being broken—

POINS

Down fell their hose.

POINS

Down fell their hose.

FALSTAFF

Began to give me ground, but I followed me close, came in foot and hand, and with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid.

FALSTAFF

Began to give me ground, but I followed me close, came in foot and hand, and with a thought, seven of the eleven I paid.

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!

FALSTAFF

But as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back, and let drive at me, for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.

FALSTAFF

But as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back, and let drive at me, for it was so dark, Hal, that thou couldst not see thy hand.

PRINCE HENRY

These lies are like their father that begets them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou claybrained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow- catch—

PRINCE HENRY

These lies are like their father that begets them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou claybrained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson, obscene, greasy tallow- catch—

FALSTAFF

205 What, art thou mad? Art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?

FALSTAFF

What, art thou mad? Art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. What sayest thou to this?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. What sayest thou to this?

POINS

Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.

POINS

Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.

FALSTAFF

What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion? If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.

FALSTAFF

What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion? If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.

PRINCE HENRY

I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh—

PRINCE HENRY

I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horseback-breaker, this huge hill of flesh—

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, you starveling, you elfskin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish! O, for breath to utter what is like thee! You tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase, you vile standing tuck—

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, you starveling, you elfskin, you dried neat’s tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stockfish! O, for breath to utter what is like thee! You tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bowcase, you vile standing tuck—

PRINCE HENRY

Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again, and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again, and when thou hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.

POINS

Mark, Jack.

POINS

Mark, Jack.

PRINCE HENRY

We two saw you four set on four, and bound them and were masters of their wealth. Mark now how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house. And, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?

PRINCE HENRY

We two saw you four set on four, and bound them and were masters of their wealth. Mark now how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize, and have it; yea, and can show it you here in the house. And, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still run and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art thou to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?

POINS

Come, let’s hear, Jack. What trick hast thou now?

POINS

Come, let’s hear, Jack. What trick hast thou now?

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, I knew you as well as he that made you. Why, hear you, my masters, was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true Prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules, but beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true Prince. Instinct is a great matter. I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself, and thee, during my life—I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true Prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.—Hostess, clap to the doors.— Watch tonight, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you. What, shall we be merry? hall we have a play extempore?

FALSTAFF

By the Lord, I knew you as well as he that made you. Why, hear you, my masters, was it for me to kill the heir apparent? Should I turn upon the true Prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules, but beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true Prince. Instinct is a great matter. I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself, and thee, during my life—I for a valiant lion, and thou for a true Prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.—Hostess, clap to the doors.— Watch tonight, pray to-morrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you. What, shall we be merry? hall we have a play extempore?

PRINCE HENRY

Content, and the argument shall be thy running away.

PRINCE HENRY

Content, and the argument shall be thy running away.

FALSTAFF

250 Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me.

FALSTAFF

Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, my lord the Prince!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, my lord the Prince!

PRINCE HENRY

How now, my lady the hostess, what sayest thou to me?

PRINCE HENRY

How now, my lady the hostess, what sayest thou to me?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you. He says he comes from your father.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you. He says he comes from your father.

PRINCE HENRY

Give him as much as will make him a royal man and send him back again to my mother.

PRINCE HENRY

Give him as much as will make him a royal man and send him back again to my mother.

FALSTAFF

What manner of man is he?

FALSTAFF

What manner of man is he?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

An old man.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

An old man.

FALSTAFF

What doth Gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer?

FALSTAFF

What doth Gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer?

PRINCE HENRY

Prithee do, Jack.

PRINCE HENRY

Prithee do, Jack.

FALSTAFF

Faith, and I’ll send him packing.

FALSTAFF

Faith, and I’ll send him packing.
Exit FALSTAFF
Exit FALSTAFF

PRINCE HENRY

Now, sirs. By 'r lady, you fought fair.—So did you, Peto.— So did you, Bardolph.—You are lions too. You ran away upon instinct. You will not touch the true Prince. No, fie!

PRINCE HENRY

Now, sirs. By 'r lady, you fought fair.—So did you, Peto.— So did you, Bardolph.—You are lions too. You ran away upon instinct. You will not touch the true Prince. No, fie!

BARDOLPH

Faith, I ran when I saw others run.

BARDOLPH

Faith, I ran when I saw others run.

PRINCE HENRY

Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s sword so hacked?

PRINCE HENRY

Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s sword so hacked?

PETO

Why, he hacked it with his dagger and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like.

PETO

Why, he hacked it with his dagger and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like.

BARDOLPH

Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before: I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.

BARDOLPH

Yea, and to tickle our noses with speargrass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before: I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran’st away. What instinct hadst thou for it?

PRINCE HENRY

O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran’st away. What instinct hadst thou for it?

BARDOLPH

My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these exhalations?

BARDOLPH

My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these exhalations?

PRINCE HENRY

I do.

PRINCE HENRY

I do.

BARDOLPH

What think you they portend?

BARDOLPH

What think you they portend?

PRINCE HENRY

Hot livers and cold purses.

PRINCE HENRY

Hot livers and cold purses.

BARDOLPH

285 Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.

BARDOLPH

Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.

PRINCE HENRY

No, if rightly taken, halter.

PRINCE HENRY

No, if rightly taken, halter.
Enter FALSTAFF
Enter FALSTAFF
Here comes lean Jack. Here comes bare-bone.—How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long is ’t ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee?
Here comes lean Jack. Here comes bare-bone.—How now, my sweet creature of bombast? How long is ’t ago, Jack, since thou sawest thine own knee?

FALSTAFF

My own knee? When I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle’s talon in the waist. I could have crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring. A plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a bladder. There’s villanous news abroad. Here was Sir John Bracy from your father. You must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy, and he of Wales that gave Amamon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook—what a plague call you him?

FALSTAFF

My own knee? When I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle’s talon in the waist. I could have crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring. A plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a bladder. There’s villanous news abroad. Here was Sir John Bracy from your father. You must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy, and he of Wales that gave Amamon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook—what a plague call you him?

POINS

300 Owen Glendower.

POINS

Owen Glendower.

FALSTAFF

Owen, Owen, the same, and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs a-horseback up a hill perpendicular—

FALSTAFF

Owen, Owen, the same, and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs a-horseback up a hill perpendicular—

PRINCE HENRY

He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying.

PRINCE HENRY

He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying.

FALSTAFF

You have hit it.

FALSTAFF

You have hit it.

PRINCE HENRY

So did he never the sparrow.

PRINCE HENRY

So did he never the sparrow.

FALSTAFF

Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him. He will not run.

FALSTAFF

Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him. He will not run.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, what a rascal art thou then to praise him so for running?

PRINCE HENRY

Why, what a rascal art thou then to praise him so for running?

FALSTAFF

A-horseback, you cuckoo, but afoot he will not budge a foot.

FALSTAFF

A-horseback, you cuckoo, but afoot he will not budge a foot.

PRINCE HENRY

Yes, Jack, upon instinct.

PRINCE HENRY

Yes, Jack, upon instinct.

FALSTAFF

I grant you, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: Worcester is stolen away tonight. Thy father’s beard is turned white with the news. You may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.

FALSTAFF

I grant you, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more: Worcester is stolen away tonight. Thy father’s beard is turned white with the news. You may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, it is like if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob- nails, by the hundreds.

PRINCE HENRY

Why, then, it is like if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hob- nails, by the hundreds.

FALSTAFF

By the Mass, thou sayest true. It is like we shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? Thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it?

FALSTAFF

By the Mass, thou sayest true. It is like we shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? Thou being heir apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at it?

PRINCE HENRY

Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of thy instinct.

PRINCE HENRY

Not a whit, i' faith; I lack some of thy instinct.

FALSTAFF

Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou comest to thy father. If thou love me, practice an answer.

FALSTAFF

Well, thou wert be horribly chid tomorrow when thou comest to thy father. If thou love me, practice an answer.

PRINCE HENRY

Do thou stand for my father and examine me upon the particulars of my life.

PRINCE HENRY

Do thou stand for my father and examine me upon the particulars of my life.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? Conten. This chair shall be my state, this dagger my scepter, and this cushion my crown.

FALSTAFF

Shall I? Conten. This chair shall be my state, this dagger my scepter, and this cushion my crown.

PRINCE HENRY

Thy state is taken for a joined stool, thy golden scepter for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown.

PRINCE HENRY

Thy state is taken for a joined stool, thy golden scepter for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown.

FALSTAFF

Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.—Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept, for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein.

FALSTAFF

Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be moved.—Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept, for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses' vein.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here is my leg.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here is my leg.

FALSTAFF

And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.

FALSTAFF

And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i' faith!

FALSTAFF

Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain.

FALSTAFF

Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

345 O the father, how he holds his countenance!

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O the father, how he holds his countenance!

FALSTAFF

For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful queen,
For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.

FALSTAFF

For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful queen,
For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever
I see.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever
I see.

FALSTAFF

Peace, good pint-pot. Peace, good tickle-brain.— (to PRINCE HENRY ) Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied. For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, so youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son I have partly thy mother’s word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a foolish-hanging of thy nether lip that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point: why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? A question not to be asked. Shall the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? A question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak to thee, in drink but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also. And yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.

FALSTAFF

Peace, good pint-pot. Peace, good tickle-brain.— (to PRINCE HENRY ) Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied. For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, so youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou art my son I have partly thy mother’s word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villanous trick of thine eye and a foolish-hanging of thy nether lip that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies the point: why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher and eat blackberries? A question not to be asked. Shall the sun of England prove a thief and take purses? A question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak to thee, in drink but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also. And yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.

PRINCE HENRY

370 What manner of man, an it like your Majesty?

PRINCE HENRY

What manner of man, an it like your Majesty?

FALSTAFF

A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage, and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by 'r Lady, inclining to three score; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff. If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me, for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then peremptorily I speak it: there is virtue in that Falstaff; him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month?

FALSTAFF

A goodly portly man, i' faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage, and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by 'r Lady, inclining to three score; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff. If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me, for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then peremptorily I speak it: there is virtue in that Falstaff; him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where hast thou been this month?

PRINCE HENRY

Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I’ll play my father.

PRINCE HENRY

Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I’ll play my father.

FALSTAFF

Depose me? If thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit- sucker or a poulter’s hare.

FALSTAFF

Depose me? If thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit- sucker or a poulter’s hare.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here I am set.

PRINCE HENRY

Well, here I am set.

FALSTAFF

And here I stand. — (to the others) Judge, my masters.

FALSTAFF

And here I stand. — (to the others) Judge, my masters.

PRINCE HENRY

Now, Harry, whence come you?

PRINCE HENRY

Now, Harry, whence come you?

FALSTAFF

My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

FALSTAFF

My noble lord, from Eastcheap.

PRINCE HENRY

390 The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

PRINCE HENRY

The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, my lord, they are false.— (to the others) Nay, I’ll tickle you for a young prince, i' faith.

FALSTAFF

'Sblood, my lord, they are false.— (to the others) Nay, I’ll tickle you for a young prince, i' faith.

PRINCE HENRY

Swearest thou? Ungracious boy, henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man. A tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humors, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloakbag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that gray iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly but to carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning but in craft? Wherein crafty but in villany? Wherein villanous but in all things? Wherein worthy but in nothing?

PRINCE HENRY

Swearest thou? Ungracious boy, henceforth ne'er look on me. Thou art violently carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts thee in the likeness of an old fat man. A tun of man is thy companion. Why dost thou converse with that trunk of humors, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloakbag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that gray iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly but to carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning but in craft? Wherein crafty but in villany? Wherein villanous but in all things? Wherein worthy but in nothing?

FALSTAFF

I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your Grace?

FALSTAFF

I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your Grace?

PRINCE HENRY

That villanous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

PRINCE HENRY

That villanous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.

FALSTAFF

410 My lord, the man I know.

FALSTAFF

My lord, the man I know.

PRINCE HENRY

I know thou dost.

PRINCE HENRY

I know thou dost.

FALSTAFF

But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say more than I know. That he is old, the more the pity; his white hairs do witness it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked. If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned. If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins, but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant being, as he is old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

FALSTAFF

But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say more than I know. That he is old, the more the pity; his white hairs do witness it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked. If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned. If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins, but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant being, as he is old Jack Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.

PRINCE HENRY

425 I do, I will.

PRINCE HENRY

I do, I will.
Knocking within. Exeunt BARDOLPH , MISTRESS QUICKLY , and FRANCIS . Enter BARDOLPH , running
Knocking within. Exeunt BARDOLPH , MISTRESS QUICKLY , and FRANCIS . Enter BARDOLPH , running

BARDOLPH

O, my lord, my lord, the Sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door.

BARDOLPH

O, my lord, my lord, the Sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door.

FALSTAFF

Out, you rogue.—Play out the play. I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.

FALSTAFF

Out, you rogue.—Play out the play. I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

MISTRESS QUICKLY

430 O Jesu, my lord, my lord—

MISTRESS QUICKLY

O Jesu, my lord, my lord—

PRINCE HENRY

Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick. What’s the matter?

PRINCE HENRY

Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick. What’s the matter?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

The Sheriff and all the watch are at the door. They are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

The Sheriff and all the watch are at the door. They are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit. Thou art essentially made, without seeming so.

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit. Thou art essentially made, without seeming so.

PRINCE HENRY

And thou a natural coward without instinct.

PRINCE HENRY

And thou a natural coward without instinct.

FALSTAFF

I deny your major. If you will deny the Sheriff, so; if not, let him enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up. I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.

FALSTAFF

I deny your major. If you will deny the Sheriff, so; if not, let him enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up. I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.

PRINCE HENRY

Go, hide thee behind the arras. The rest walk up above.—
Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.

PRINCE HENRY

Go, hide thee behind the arras. The rest walk up above.—
Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.

FALSTAFF

Both which I have had, but their date is out; and therefore I’ll hide me. (he hides behind the arras)

FALSTAFF

Both which I have had, but their date is out; and therefore I’ll hide me. (he hides behind the arras)
Exeunt all but PRINCE HENRY and PETO
Exeunt all but PRINCE HENRY and PETO

PRINCE HENRY

Call in the Sheriff.

PRINCE HENRY

Call in the Sheriff.
Enter SHERIFF and the CARRIER
Enter SHERIFF and the CARRIER
Now, Master Sheriff, what is your will with me?
Now, Master Sheriff, what is your will with me?

SHERIFF

First pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house.

SHERIFF

First pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house.

PRINCE HENRY

450 What men?

PRINCE HENRY

What men?

SHERIFF

One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
A gross fat man.

SHERIFF

One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
A gross fat man.

CARRIER

As fat as butter.

CARRIER

As fat as butter.

PRINCE HENRY

The man, I do assure you is not here,
455 For I myself at this time have employed him.
And, Sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
That I will by tomorrow dinner time
Send him to answer thee or any man
For any thing he shall be charged withal.
460 And so let me entreat you leave the house.

PRINCE HENRY

The man, I do assure you is not here,
For I myself at this time have employed him.
And, Sheriff, I will engage my word to thee
That I will by tomorrow dinner time
Send him to answer thee or any man
For any thing he shall be charged withal.
And so let me entreat you leave the house.

SHERIFF

I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.

SHERIFF

I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.

PRINCE HENRY

It may be so. If he have robbed these men,
He shall be answerable; and so farewell.

PRINCE HENRY

It may be so. If he have robbed these men,
He shall be answerable; and so farewell.

SHERIFF

465 Good night, my noble lord.

SHERIFF

Good night, my noble lord.

PRINCE HENRY

I think it is good morrow, is it not?

PRINCE HENRY

I think it is good morrow, is it not?

SHERIFF

Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock.

SHERIFF

Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o'clock.
Exeunt SHERIFF and CARRIER
Exeunt SHERIFF and CARRIER

PRINCE HENRY

This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go call him forth.

PRINCE HENRY

This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go call him forth.

PETO

Falstaff!— (pulls back the arras) Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.

PETO

Falstaff!— (pulls back the arras) Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.

PRINCE HENRY

Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.

PRINCE HENRY

Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
PETO searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers
PETO searcheth his pockets, and findeth certain papers
What hast thou found?
What hast thou found?

PETO

Nothing but papers, my lord.

PETO

Nothing but papers, my lord.

PRINCE HENRY

Let’s see what they be. Read them.

PRINCE HENRY

Let’s see what they be. Read them.

PETO

(reads) Item, a capon, … 2s. 2d.
Item, sauce, … 4d.
Item, sack, two gallons, … 5s. 8d.
Item, anchovies and sack after supper, , , , 2s. 6d.
Item, bread, ob.

PETO

(reads) Item, a capon, … 2s. 2d.
Item, sauce, … 4d.
Item, sack, two gallons, … 5s. 8d.
Item, anchovies and sack after supper, , , , 2s. 6d.
Item, bread, ob.

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close. We’ll read it at more advantage. There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honorable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning, and so good morrow, Peto.

PRINCE HENRY

O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close. We’ll read it at more advantage. There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honorable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning, and so good morrow, Peto.

PETO

Good morrow, good my lord.

PETO

Good morrow, good my lord.
Exeunt
Exeunt
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