Henry IV, Part 1

by: William Shakespeare

  Act 3 Scene 3

page Act 3 Scene 3 Page 5

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MISTRESS QUICKLY

So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul- mouthed man as he is;,and said he would cudgel you.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

That’s what I said, my lord. And I said I’d heard you say so, and then he said awful things about you, like the foul-mouthed man that he is. He said he’d beat you.

PRINCE HENRY

What, he did not!

PRINCE HENRY

What? He did?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

If he didn’t, I’m not faithful, trustworthy or womanly.

FALSTAFF

There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox, and for womanhood, Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.

FALSTAFF

You’re about as faithful as a whore, as trustworthy as a fox on the run, and—as for womanhood—a man in a dress is the minister’s wife compared to you. Get out of here, you thing, get out.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Say, what thing, what thing?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Thing? What thing?

FALSTAFF

What thing! Why, a thing to thank God on.

FALSTAFF

What thing? A thing to say “thank God” for.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

105I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to call me so.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

I am not a thing to say “thank God” for, I want you to know; I am an honest man’s wife. And ignoring the fact that you are a knight, you are a brute for calling me that.

FALSTAFF

Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.

FALSTAFF

Well, if you ignore the fact that you’re a woman, then I suppose that would make you an animal.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

110Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?

MISTRESS QUICKLY

What animal, you brute?

FALSTAFF

What beast? Why, an otter.

FALSTAFF

What animal? Why, an otter.

PRINCE HENRY

An otter, Sir John. Why an otter?

PRINCE HENRY

An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?

FALSTAFF

Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.

FALSTAFF

Because she’s not quite a fish and not quite a mammal. A man wouldn’t know where to put her.