Henry IV, Part 1

by: William Shakespeare

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Modern Text

PRINCE HENRY

O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket? Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth, of sugar candy to make thee long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And, yet you will stand to it! You will not pocket up wrong! Art thou not ashamed?

PRINCE HENRY

Oh, but if it did, your guts would fall down to your knees! Sirrah, there’s no room in your chest for trustworthiness, truthfulness, or honesty. It’s all filled up with guts and stomach. Accuse an honest woman of picking your pocket? You son of a whore; you rude, bloated cheat. I’ll be damned if there was anything in your pocket besides tavern bills, notes about whorehouses, and a penny’s worth of candy for energy. If you had anything else in your pockets, then I’m a liar; yet you stand by your lies. You won’t even try to hide how bad you are. Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?

FALSTAFF

Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villany? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?

FALSTAFF

Don’t you know, Hal? Adam fell from grace when the world was innocent. What should poor Jack Falstaff do, now that the world is wicked? You see I have more flesh than other men. It follows that I’m more fallible than other men.—So you’re confessing to picking my pocket?

PRINCE HENRY

It appears so by the story.

PRINCE HENRY

It looks that way.

FALSTAFF

Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy, husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be gone.

FALSTAFF

Hostess, I forgive you. Go get breakfast ready; love your husband; tend to your servants; cherish your guests. You’ll find me a perfectly reasonable man. See? I’m calm, as always. Now please, get going!
Exit MISTRESS QUICKLY
MISTRESS QUICKLY exits.
Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that answered?
Now Hal, what’s the news at court? What ever happened about our robbery?

PRINCE HENRY

O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid back again.

PRINCE HENRY

I’m your guardian angel again, you fresh piece of meat. The money’s been paid back.

FALSTAFF

O, I do not like that paying back. 'Tis a double labor.

FALSTAFF

I don’t like that “paying back.” It means twice the work!