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Modern Text
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DUKE VINCENTIO
How should he be made, then?
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DUKE VINCENTIO
What was he the result of, then?
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LUCIO
Some report a sea-maid spawned him; some, that he
was begot between two stock-fishes. But it is
certain that when he makes water his urine is
105congealed ice; that I know to be true: and he is a
motion generative; that’s infallible.
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LUCIO
Some say a mermaid gave birth to him, some that he was conceived by two dried codfish. But it’s a fact that when he pees, his urine is congealed ice. That I know to be true. And he’s an impotent puppet—that’s certain.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
You are pleasant, sir, and speak apace.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
You’re a funny guy, sir, and speak freely.
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LUCIO
Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the
rebellion of a codpiece to take away the life of a
110man! Would the duke that is absent have done this?
Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a
hundred bastards, he would have paid for the nursing
a thousand: he had some feeling of the sport: he
knew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.
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LUCIO
Well, what a cruel thing for him to do, to take a man’s life because his penis rose up! Would the absent duke have done something like this? Before he would’ve hanged a man for fathering a hundred bastards, he would’ve paid for nursing a thousand. He had some understanding of prostitution. He knew the game, and that made him merciful.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
115I never heard the absent duke much detected for
women; he was not inclined that way.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
I never heard the absent duke accused of womanizing. He wasn’t inclined that way.
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LUCIO
O, sir, you are deceived.
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LUCIO
Oh, sir, you’re wrong.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
’Tis not possible.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
That’s not possible.
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LUCIO
Who, not the duke? yes, your beggar of fifty; and
120his use was to put a ducat in her clack-dish: the
duke had crotchets in him. He would be drunk too;
that let me inform you.
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LUCIO
Who, the duke? Yes, your fifty-year-old beggar-woman—he’d habitually make a deposit in her dish. The duke was a little kinky. He’d get drunk, too, let me tell you.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
You do him wrong, surely.
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DUKE VINCENTIO
Surely, you’re being unfair to him.
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