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Measure for Measure

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 3 Scene 2
No Fear Act 3 Scene 2 Page 5

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DUKE VINCENTIO

How should he be made, then?

DUKE VINCENTIO

What was he the result of, then?

LUCIO

Some report a sea-maid spawned him; some, that he
was begot between two stock-fishes. But it is
certain that when he makes water his urine is
105congealed ice; that I know to be true: and he is a
motion generative; that’s infallible.

LUCIO

Some say a mermaid gave birth to him, some that he was conceived by two dried codfish. But it’s a fact that when he pees, his urine is congealed ice. That I know to be true. And he’s an impotent puppet—that’s certain.

DUKE VINCENTIO

You are pleasant, sir, and speak apace.

DUKE VINCENTIO

You’re a funny guy, sir, and speak freely.

LUCIO

Why, what a ruthless thing is this in him, for the
rebellion of a codpiece to take away the life of a
110man! Would the duke that is absent have done this?
Ere he would have hanged a man for the getting a
hundred bastards, he would have paid for the nursing
a thousand: he had some feeling of the sport: he
knew the service, and that instructed him to mercy.

LUCIO

Well, what a cruel thing for him to do, to take a man’s life because his penis rose up! Would the absent duke have done something like this? Before he would’ve hanged a man for fathering a hundred bastards, he would’ve paid for nursing a thousand. He had some understanding of prostitution. He knew the game, and that made him merciful.

DUKE VINCENTIO

115I never heard the absent duke much detected for
women; he was not inclined that way.

DUKE VINCENTIO

I never heard the absent duke accused of womanizing. He wasn’t inclined that way.

LUCIO

O, sir, you are deceived.

LUCIO

Oh, sir, you’re wrong.

DUKE VINCENTIO

’Tis not possible.

DUKE VINCENTIO

That’s not possible.

LUCIO

Who, not the duke? yes, your beggar of fifty; and
120his use was to put a ducat in her clack-dish: the
duke had crotchets in him. He would be drunk too;
that let me inform you.

LUCIO

Who, the duke? Yes, your fifty-year-old beggar-woman—he’d habitually make a deposit in her dish. The duke was a little kinky. He’d get drunk, too, let me tell you.

DUKE VINCENTIO

You do him wrong, surely.

DUKE VINCENTIO

Surely, you’re being unfair to him.

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