Measure for Measure

What was he the result of, then?

Some say a mermaid gave birth to him, some that he was conceived by two dried codfish. But it’s a fact that when he pees, his urine is congealed ice. That I know to be true. And he’s an impotent puppet—that’s certain.

You’re a funny guy, sir, and speak freely.

Well, what a cruel thing for him to do, to take a man’s life because his penis rose up! Would the absent duke have done something like this? Before he would’ve hanged a man for fathering a hundred bastards, he would’ve paid for nursing a thousand. He had some understanding of prostitution. He knew the game, and that made him merciful.

I never heard the absent duke accused of womanizing. He wasn’t inclined that way.

Oh, sir, you’re wrong.

That’s not possible.

Who, the duke? Yes, your fifty-year-old beggar-woman—he’d habitually make a deposit in her dish. The duke was a little kinky. He’d get drunk, too, let me tell you.

Surely, you’re being unfair to him.