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No Fear Translations

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Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch
Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch

DOGBERRY

Are you good men and true?

DOGBERRY

Are you good men and true?

VERGES

Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation,
body and soul.

VERGES

Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation,
body and soul.

DOGBERRY

Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they
5 should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the
Prince’s watch.

DOGBERRY

Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they
should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the
Prince’s watch.

VERGES

Well, give them their charge, neighbor Dogberry.

VERGES

Well, give them their charge, neighbor Dogberry.

DOGBERRY

First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable?

DOGBERRY

First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable?

FIRST WATCHMAN

Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole, for they can write
10 and read.

FIRST WATCHMAN

Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole, for they can write
and read.

DOGBERRY

Come hither, neighbor Seacole. God hath blessed you with
a good name. To be a well-favored man is the gift of fortune,
but to write and read comes by nature.

DOGBERRY

Come hither, neighbor Seacole. God hath blessed you with
a good name. To be a well-favored man is the gift of fortune,
but to write and read comes by nature.

SEACOLE

Both which, Master Constable—

SEACOLE

Both which, Master Constable—

DOGBERRY

15 You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your
favor, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it,
and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there
is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the
most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch;
20 therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge:

DOGBERRY

You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your
favor, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it,
and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there
is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the
most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch;
therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge:
you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any
man stand, in the Prince’s name.
you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any
man stand, in the Prince’s name.

SECOND WATCHMAN

How if he will not stand?

SECOND WATCHMAN

How if he will not stand?

DOGBERRY

Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go and
25 presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God
you are rid of a knave.

DOGBERRY

Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go and
presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God
you are rid of a knave.

VERGES

If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the
Prince’s subjects.

VERGES

If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the
Prince’s subjects.

DOGBERRY

True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince’s
subjects.—You shall also make no noise in the streets; for,
for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not
to be endured.

DOGBERRY

True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince’s
subjects.—You shall also make no noise in the streets; for,
for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not
to be endured.

WATCHMAN

We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs to a
watch.

WATCHMAN

We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs to a
watch.

DOGBERRY

35 Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman,
for I cannot see how sleeping should offend. Only have a
care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all
the alehouses and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

DOGBERRY

Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman,
for I cannot see how sleeping should offend. Only have a
care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all
the alehouses and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

WATCHMAN

How if they will not?

WATCHMAN

How if they will not?

DOGBERRY

40 Why, then, let them alone till they are sober. If they make
you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the
men you took them for.

DOGBERRY

Why, then, let them alone till they are sober. If they make
you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the
men you took them for.

WATCHMAN

Well, sir.

WATCHMAN

Well, sir.

DOGBERRY

If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your
45 office, to be no true man, and for such kind of men, the less
you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your
honesty.

DOGBERRY

If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your
office, to be no true man, and for such kind of men, the less
you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your
honesty.

WATCHMAN

If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

WATCHMAN

If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

DOGBERRY

Truly, by your office you may, but I think they that touch
50 pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, if
you
do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal
out of your company.

DOGBERRY

Truly, by your office you may, but I think they that touch
pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, if
you
do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal
out of your company.

VERGES

You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

VERGES

You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

DOGBERRY

55 Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man
who hath any honesty in him.

DOGBERRY

Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man
who hath any honesty in him.

VERGES

(to the Watch) If you hear a child cry in the night, you must
call to the nurse and bid her still it.

VERGES

(to the Watch) If you hear a child cry in the night, you must
call to the nurse and bid her still it.

WATCHMAN

How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

WATCHMAN

How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

DOGBERRY

60 Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake her with
crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baas
will never answer a calf when he bleats.

DOGBERRY

Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake her with
crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baas
will never answer a calf when he bleats.

VERGES

'Tis very true.

VERGES

'Tis very true.

DOGBERRY

This is the end of the charge. You, constable, are to present
the Prince’s own person. If you meet the Prince in the night,
you may stay him.

DOGBERRY

This is the end of the charge. You, constable, are to present
the Prince’s own person. If you meet the Prince in the night,
you may stay him.

VERGES

Nay, by 'r Lady, that I think he cannot.

VERGES

Nay, by 'r Lady, that I think he cannot.

DOGBERRY

Five shillings to one on ’t, with any man that knows the
statutes, he may stay him—marry, not without the Prince
70 be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man,
and it is an offense to stay a man against his will.

DOGBERRY

Five shillings to one on ’t, with any man that knows the
statutes, he may stay him—marry, not without the Prince
be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man,
and it is an offense to stay a man against his will.

VERGES

By 'r lady, I think it be so.

VERGES

By 'r lady, I think it be so.

DOGBERRY

Ha, ha, ha!—Well, masters, good night.
An there be any matter of weight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows'
counsels and your own; and good night.—Come, neighbor.

DOGBERRY

Ha, ha, ha!—Well, masters, good night.
An there be any matter of weight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows'
counsels and your own; and good night.—Come, neighbor.

WATCHMAN

Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon
the church bench till two, and then all to bed.

WATCHMAN

Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon
the church bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOGBERRY

One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you watch about
Signior Leonato’s door, for the wedding being there
80 tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu, be vigitant,
I beseech you.

DOGBERRY

One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you watch about
Signior Leonato’s door, for the wedding being there
tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu, be vigitant,
I beseech you.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE
Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE

BORACHIO

What Conrade!

BORACHIO

What Conrade!

SEACOAL

(aside) Peace! Stir not.

SEACOAL

(aside) Peace! Stir not.

BORACHIO

Conrade, I say!

BORACHIO

Conrade, I say!

CONRADE

85 Here, man. I am at thy elbow.

CONRADE

Here, man. I am at thy elbow.

BORACHIO

Mass, and my elbow itched, I thought there would a scab
follow.

BORACHIO

Mass, and my elbow itched, I thought there would a scab
follow.

CONRADE

I will owe thee an answer for that. And now forward with
thy tale.

CONRADE

I will owe thee an answer for that. And now forward with
thy tale.

BORACHIO

90 Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse, for it drizzles
rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

BORACHIO

Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse, for it drizzles
rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

WATCHMAN

(aside) Some treason, masters. Yet stand close.

WATCHMAN

(aside) Some treason, masters. Yet stand close.

BORACHIO

Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand
ducats.

BORACHIO

Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand
ducats.

CONRADE

95 Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?

CONRADE

Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?

BORACHIO

Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villainy
should be so rich. For when rich villains have need of poor
ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

BORACHIO

Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villainy
should be so rich. For when rich villains have need of poor
ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

CONRADE

I wonder at it.

CONRADE

I wonder at it.

BORACHIO

100 That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that the
fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

BORACHIO

That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that the
fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

CONRADE

Yes, it is apparel.

CONRADE

Yes, it is apparel.

BORACHIO

I mean the fashion.

BORACHIO

I mean the fashion.

CONRADE

Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

CONRADE

Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

BORACHIO

Tush, I may as well say the fool’s the fool. But seest thou not
what a deformed thief this fashion is?

BORACHIO

Tush, I may as well say the fool’s the fool. But seest thou not
what a deformed thief this fashion is?

WATCHMAN

(aside) I know that Deformed. He has been a vile thief this
seven year. He goes up and down like a gentleman. I
remember his name.

WATCHMAN

(aside) I know that Deformed. He has been a vile thief this
seven year. He goes up and down like a gentleman. I
remember his name.

BORACHIO

110 Didst thou not hear somebody?

BORACHIO

Didst thou not hear somebody?

CONRADE

No, ’twas the vane on the house.

CONRADE

No, ’twas the vane on the house.

BORACHIO

Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is,
how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between
fourteen and five-and-thirty, sometimes fashioning them
like Pharaoh’s soldiers in the reechy painting, sometime
like god Bel’s priests in the old church-window, sometime
like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten
tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

BORACHIO

Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is,
how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between
fourteen and five-and-thirty, sometimes fashioning them
like Pharaoh’s soldiers in the reechy painting, sometime
like god Bel’s priests in the old church-window, sometime
like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten
tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

CONRADE

All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more
120 apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with
the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into
telling me of the fashion?

CONRADE

All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more
apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with
the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into
telling me of the fashion?

BORACHIO

Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight wooed
Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by the name of
125 Hero. She leans me out at her mistress' chamber window,
bids me a thousand times good night. I tell this tale vilely.
I should first tell thee how the Prince, Claudio and my
master, planted and placed and possessed by my master
Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable
130 encounter.

BORACHIO

Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight wooed
Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by the name of
Hero. She leans me out at her mistress' chamber window,
bids me a thousand times good night. I tell this tale vilely.
I should first tell thee how the Prince, Claudio and my
master, planted and placed and possessed by my master
Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable
encounter.

CONRADE

And thought they Margaret was Hero?

CONRADE

And thought they Margaret was Hero?

BORACHIO

Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, but the devil my
master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths,
which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which
135 did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did
confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went
Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her as he was
appointed next morning at the temple, and there, before the
whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'ernight
140 and send her home again without a husband.

BORACHIO

Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, but the devil my
master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths,
which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which
did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did
confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went
Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her as he was
appointed next morning at the temple, and there, before the
whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'ernight
and send her home again without a husband.

SECOND WATCHMAN

We charge you, in the Prince’s name, stand!

SECOND WATCHMAN

We charge you, in the Prince’s name, stand!

FIRST WATCHMAN

Call up the right Master Constable. We have here
recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was
known in the commonwealth.

FIRST WATCHMAN

Call up the right Master Constable. We have here
recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was
known in the commonwealth.

SECOND WATCHMAN

145 And one Deformed is one of them. I know him; he wears a
lock.

SECOND WATCHMAN

And one Deformed is one of them. I know him; he wears a
lock.

CONRADE

Masters, masters—

CONRADE

Masters, masters—

SECOND WATCHMAN

(to BORACHIO) You’ll be made bring Deformed forth, I
warrant you.

SECOND WATCHMAN

(to BORACHIO) You’ll be made bring Deformed forth, I
warrant you.

FIRST WATCHMAN

150 Masters, never speak, we charge you, let us obey you go
with us.

FIRST WATCHMAN

Masters, never speak, we charge you, let us obey you go
with us.

BORACHIO

We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of
these men’s bills.

BORACHIO

We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of
these men’s bills.

CONRADE

A commodity in question, I warrant you.—Come, we’ll
155 obey you.

CONRADE

A commodity in question, I warrant you.—Come, we’ll
obey you.
Exeunt
Exeunt

Original Text

Modern Text

Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch
Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch

DOGBERRY

Are you good men and true?

DOGBERRY

Are you good men and true?

VERGES

Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation,
body and soul.

VERGES

Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation,
body and soul.

DOGBERRY

Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they
5 should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the
Prince’s watch.

DOGBERRY

Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they
should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the
Prince’s watch.

VERGES

Well, give them their charge, neighbor Dogberry.

VERGES

Well, give them their charge, neighbor Dogberry.

DOGBERRY

First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable?

DOGBERRY

First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable?

FIRST WATCHMAN

Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole, for they can write
10 and read.

FIRST WATCHMAN

Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole, for they can write
and read.

DOGBERRY

Come hither, neighbor Seacole. God hath blessed you with
a good name. To be a well-favored man is the gift of fortune,
but to write and read comes by nature.

DOGBERRY

Come hither, neighbor Seacole. God hath blessed you with
a good name. To be a well-favored man is the gift of fortune,
but to write and read comes by nature.

SEACOLE

Both which, Master Constable—

SEACOLE

Both which, Master Constable—

DOGBERRY

15 You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your
favor, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it,
and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there
is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the
most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch;
20 therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge:

DOGBERRY

You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your
favor, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of it,
and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there
is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the
most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch;
therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge:
you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any
man stand, in the Prince’s name.
you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any
man stand, in the Prince’s name.

SECOND WATCHMAN

How if he will not stand?

SECOND WATCHMAN

How if he will not stand?

DOGBERRY

Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go and
25 presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God
you are rid of a knave.

DOGBERRY

Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go and
presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God
you are rid of a knave.

VERGES

If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the
Prince’s subjects.

VERGES

If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the
Prince’s subjects.

DOGBERRY

True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince’s
subjects.—You shall also make no noise in the streets; for,
for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not
to be endured.

DOGBERRY

True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince’s
subjects.—You shall also make no noise in the streets; for,
for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable and not
to be endured.

WATCHMAN

We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs to a
watch.

WATCHMAN

We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs to a
watch.

DOGBERRY

35 Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman,
for I cannot see how sleeping should offend. Only have a
care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all
the alehouses and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

DOGBERRY

Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman,
for I cannot see how sleeping should offend. Only have a
care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call at all
the alehouses and bid those that are drunk get them to bed.

WATCHMAN

How if they will not?

WATCHMAN

How if they will not?

DOGBERRY

40 Why, then, let them alone till they are sober. If they make
you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the
men you took them for.

DOGBERRY

Why, then, let them alone till they are sober. If they make
you not then the better answer, you may say they are not the
men you took them for.

WATCHMAN

Well, sir.

WATCHMAN

Well, sir.

DOGBERRY

If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your
45 office, to be no true man, and for such kind of men, the less
you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your
honesty.

DOGBERRY

If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your
office, to be no true man, and for such kind of men, the less
you meddle or make with them, why the more is for your
honesty.

WATCHMAN

If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

WATCHMAN

If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him?

DOGBERRY

Truly, by your office you may, but I think they that touch
50 pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, if
you
do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal
out of your company.

DOGBERRY

Truly, by your office you may, but I think they that touch
pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, if
you
do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is and steal
out of your company.

VERGES

You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

VERGES

You have been always called a merciful man, partner.

DOGBERRY

55 Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man
who hath any honesty in him.

DOGBERRY

Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man
who hath any honesty in him.

VERGES

(to the Watch) If you hear a child cry in the night, you must
call to the nurse and bid her still it.

VERGES

(to the Watch) If you hear a child cry in the night, you must
call to the nurse and bid her still it.

WATCHMAN

How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

WATCHMAN

How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us?

DOGBERRY

60 Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake her with
crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baas
will never answer a calf when he bleats.

DOGBERRY

Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake her with
crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baas
will never answer a calf when he bleats.

VERGES

'Tis very true.

VERGES

'Tis very true.

DOGBERRY

This is the end of the charge. You, constable, are to present
the Prince’s own person. If you meet the Prince in the night,
you may stay him.

DOGBERRY

This is the end of the charge. You, constable, are to present
the Prince’s own person. If you meet the Prince in the night,
you may stay him.

VERGES

Nay, by 'r Lady, that I think he cannot.

VERGES

Nay, by 'r Lady, that I think he cannot.

DOGBERRY

Five shillings to one on ’t, with any man that knows the
statutes, he may stay him—marry, not without the Prince
70 be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man,
and it is an offense to stay a man against his will.

DOGBERRY

Five shillings to one on ’t, with any man that knows the
statutes, he may stay him—marry, not without the Prince
be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no man,
and it is an offense to stay a man against his will.

VERGES

By 'r lady, I think it be so.

VERGES

By 'r lady, I think it be so.

DOGBERRY

Ha, ha, ha!—Well, masters, good night.
An there be any matter of weight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows'
counsels and your own; and good night.—Come, neighbor.

DOGBERRY

Ha, ha, ha!—Well, masters, good night.
An there be any matter of weight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows'
counsels and your own; and good night.—Come, neighbor.

WATCHMAN

Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon
the church bench till two, and then all to bed.

WATCHMAN

Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon
the church bench till two, and then all to bed.

DOGBERRY

One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you watch about
Signior Leonato’s door, for the wedding being there
80 tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu, be vigitant,
I beseech you.

DOGBERRY

One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you watch about
Signior Leonato’s door, for the wedding being there
tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu, be vigitant,
I beseech you.
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES
Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE
Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE

BORACHIO

What Conrade!

BORACHIO

What Conrade!

SEACOAL

(aside) Peace! Stir not.

SEACOAL

(aside) Peace! Stir not.

BORACHIO

Conrade, I say!

BORACHIO

Conrade, I say!

CONRADE

85 Here, man. I am at thy elbow.

CONRADE

Here, man. I am at thy elbow.

BORACHIO

Mass, and my elbow itched, I thought there would a scab
follow.

BORACHIO

Mass, and my elbow itched, I thought there would a scab
follow.

CONRADE

I will owe thee an answer for that. And now forward with
thy tale.

CONRADE

I will owe thee an answer for that. And now forward with
thy tale.

BORACHIO

90 Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse, for it drizzles
rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

BORACHIO

Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse, for it drizzles
rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.

WATCHMAN

(aside) Some treason, masters. Yet stand close.

WATCHMAN

(aside) Some treason, masters. Yet stand close.

BORACHIO

Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand
ducats.

BORACHIO

Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand
ducats.

CONRADE

95 Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?

CONRADE

Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?

BORACHIO

Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villainy
should be so rich. For when rich villains have need of poor
ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

BORACHIO

Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villainy
should be so rich. For when rich villains have need of poor
ones, poor ones may make what price they will.

CONRADE

I wonder at it.

CONRADE

I wonder at it.

BORACHIO

100 That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that the
fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

BORACHIO

That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that the
fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man.

CONRADE

Yes, it is apparel.

CONRADE

Yes, it is apparel.

BORACHIO

I mean the fashion.

BORACHIO

I mean the fashion.

CONRADE

Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

CONRADE

Yes, the fashion is the fashion.

BORACHIO

Tush, I may as well say the fool’s the fool. But seest thou not
what a deformed thief this fashion is?

BORACHIO

Tush, I may as well say the fool’s the fool. But seest thou not
what a deformed thief this fashion is?

WATCHMAN

(aside) I know that Deformed. He has been a vile thief this
seven year. He goes up and down like a gentleman. I
remember his name.

WATCHMAN

(aside) I know that Deformed. He has been a vile thief this
seven year. He goes up and down like a gentleman. I
remember his name.

BORACHIO

110 Didst thou not hear somebody?

BORACHIO

Didst thou not hear somebody?

CONRADE

No, ’twas the vane on the house.

CONRADE

No, ’twas the vane on the house.

BORACHIO

Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is,
how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between
fourteen and five-and-thirty, sometimes fashioning them
like Pharaoh’s soldiers in the reechy painting, sometime
like god Bel’s priests in the old church-window, sometime
like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten
tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

BORACHIO

Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is,
how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between
fourteen and five-and-thirty, sometimes fashioning them
like Pharaoh’s soldiers in the reechy painting, sometime
like god Bel’s priests in the old church-window, sometime
like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten
tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his club?

CONRADE

All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more
120 apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with
the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into
telling me of the fashion?

CONRADE

All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out more
apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with
the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into
telling me of the fashion?

BORACHIO

Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight wooed
Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by the name of
125 Hero. She leans me out at her mistress' chamber window,
bids me a thousand times good night. I tell this tale vilely.
I should first tell thee how the Prince, Claudio and my
master, planted and placed and possessed by my master
Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable
130 encounter.

BORACHIO

Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight wooed
Margaret, the Lady Hero’s gentlewoman, by the name of
Hero. She leans me out at her mistress' chamber window,
bids me a thousand times good night. I tell this tale vilely.
I should first tell thee how the Prince, Claudio and my
master, planted and placed and possessed by my master
Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable
encounter.

CONRADE

And thought they Margaret was Hero?

CONRADE

And thought they Margaret was Hero?

BORACHIO

Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, but the devil my
master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths,
which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which
135 did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did
confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went
Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her as he was
appointed next morning at the temple, and there, before the
whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'ernight
140 and send her home again without a husband.

BORACHIO

Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, but the devil my
master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths,
which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, which
did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did
confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went
Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her as he was
appointed next morning at the temple, and there, before the
whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'ernight
and send her home again without a husband.

SECOND WATCHMAN

We charge you, in the Prince’s name, stand!

SECOND WATCHMAN

We charge you, in the Prince’s name, stand!

FIRST WATCHMAN

Call up the right Master Constable. We have here
recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was
known in the commonwealth.

FIRST WATCHMAN

Call up the right Master Constable. We have here
recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was
known in the commonwealth.

SECOND WATCHMAN

145 And one Deformed is one of them. I know him; he wears a
lock.

SECOND WATCHMAN

And one Deformed is one of them. I know him; he wears a
lock.

CONRADE

Masters, masters—

CONRADE

Masters, masters—

SECOND WATCHMAN

(to BORACHIO) You’ll be made bring Deformed forth, I
warrant you.

SECOND WATCHMAN

(to BORACHIO) You’ll be made bring Deformed forth, I
warrant you.

FIRST WATCHMAN

150 Masters, never speak, we charge you, let us obey you go
with us.

FIRST WATCHMAN

Masters, never speak, we charge you, let us obey you go
with us.

BORACHIO

We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of
these men’s bills.

BORACHIO

We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of
these men’s bills.

CONRADE

A commodity in question, I warrant you.—Come, we’ll
155 obey you.

CONRADE

A commodity in question, I warrant you.—Come, we’ll
obey you.
Exeunt
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